Cannabis - is ruining my whole families life

[Meandmyfeelings]

Ds is 16 and is addicted to cannabis. He has violent mood swings that has meant that we had to call the police out when he became aggressive . It has changed our son from a sensitive and kind young man into a someone we don’t recognise. We don’t give him money but he has a part time job. He was very bright and went to a selective school but the last year he has lost all interest in college work and barely attends. We are now receiving advice from social services but he won’t engage with any outside help. I’m so desperate to turn his life around but I feel powerless. He has a younger sister and I know this is having a massive negative impact on her life too.I have spoken to his friends parents but although they all know they are smoking weed it hasn’t impacted their lives the same and so they don’t see it as a problem just something that a lot of teens do. I’m so worried that he will have schizophrenia in the future from the amount he is smoking . We try so hard every weekend do think of things to do as a family but he refuses to do anything. We have promised him driving lessons if he stops but he is too addicted

Cannabis isn't addictive per se.

I first tried cannabis age 12 and smoked it heavily over 20 years. Loads of my friends tried it as teenagers and never fell in love with it like me but we had very different lives.

I had a terrible childhood and it was absolutely a mask / self medication to be stoned and switch off my brain. Same for my siblings who still smoke heavily.

He would probably benefit from counselling/drs appointment to get to the root of why he feels he needs to be stoned.

I was able to quit overnight after at least 15 years of smoking daily when I wanted to get pregnant.

I've had mental health issues since (and before/throughout) but I definitely wouldn't say it's caused by the cannabis, just the fact I am no longer numbing my brain and have to face my past trauma.

So my conclusion is weed doesn't cause mental health issues - it's often people with mental health issues who use it and those issues come to light when they no longer smoke (or run out in your sons case).

@TheHawkisHowling Royal College of Psychiatry

There are literally thousands of articles.....

As I said, I'm aware it causes issues. What I'm saying is that it's not likely.

I wouldn't like this to be a red herring when the OP's DS is much more likely to be experiencing either preexisting emotional issues or they're struggling because they're a teenager.

I'm also aware that this isn't a popular viewpoint and that people would prefer to blame drugs. I'm not here to argue everyone into submission. Everyone is entitled to their viewpoint on this matter.

It’s an awful drug and should never be made legal, I was pleased when the classification was raised as I feel this better reflects the damage it does. Especially when it gets its claws into youngsters. This is the age he should be the most motivated for his future and making positive plans for his future and instead it’s ruining your family and having a negative impact on his prospects when it sounds like he had great potential, I’m so sorry.

I would like to add, I don't think it's an awful "drug" and I would absolutely still smoke if I could afford to. I smoked again after having children but simply can't afford to now that everything else in life is so fucking expensive.

Alcohol on the other hand.....TERRIBLE and should be illegal.

Anyone who's done both can tell you alcohol is much more likely to be damaging than cannabis.

Have you read the op?! Yeah cannabis is great, I’m sure we all agree that we would love our kids to get into smoking cannabis as teenagers, its a really positive thing for them and their life chances. In fact why don’t you give some to your teenage dc? No? Why not?

@gringot that's super helpful when her son is having issues with cannabis. Fantastic.
Why do people insist on minimising the damage cannabis does and is doing to our teenagers?

Tbf that person is moaning on the internet that they can’t afford to buy the illegal drugs they used to after having children due to the cost of living crisis, I think the positives cannabis has provided for them are clear for all to see.

Everyone I know has had bad experiences with cannabis and it is addictive else why else smoke it for so long? Anything that gets you high can be addictive. When I say bad, I mean worst case scenario, severely schizophrenic and then dead, immediate onset of a psychotic episode after a big session, several young people depressed/psychotic; best case bit of an old boring waster. It’s great the first few times when you get the giggles, after that you’re just basically charged and then asleep. Then the more vulnerable have more to try to get the high.

I would ring a helpline for advice but ultimately you want your ds to stop and he might actually want this too but can’t bear the conflict or see another way to be. If you can talk where you listen to what’s going on with him and what he wants, you make a plan together where you figure out the next small steps to get out of this dark place he’s in.

I'm speaking from personal experience, not minimising. Seems like you (two) are catastrophising though.
My suggestion was that OPs son may be using cannabis to self medicate and she could explore this rather than taking the easy option of blaming the cannabis.
No more input from me - best wishes to OP and son.

@gringot thinks you are catastrophising @Karwomannghia you know what with your lived experience and everything....

Did you miss the bit about my sons psychosis and time sectioned?

Posters on this thread blathering on about alcohol and how weed isn't bad, they would smoke it, or it could be a self-medication issue should be ashamed.

The OP is rightly worried about her sons personality change and we should be offering solutions and not wittering on about how 'I've taken drugs and am fine but alcohol is the real drug.' Just shut up.

OP, if you can book him into a clinic I would.

Otherwise, kick him out. Ultimately he's prioritised his drugs over his family and you need to prioritise your younger child over your drug addict son. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the only way forward to stop your daughter suffering (given you already say it's affecting her).

I'm certainly not feeling ashamed because I suggested there could be an underlying issue. I'd suggest the same if it were alcohol, food or even exercise that was being abused.

@Hermittrismegistus that's what therapy or a unit/ rehab gets to the bottom of.

It was without doubt a catastrophe when my brother died after years of schizophrenia and years later my elderly mum tried to gain spiritual enlightenment by smoking too much and was sectioned too. I also have personal experience of the wonderful weed and the insipid pull into wasterdom. But yeah just me being dramatic. If it helps I also know several people whose lives have been completely destroyed by alcohol so I would also be concerned about anyone using alcohol. BUT one bender on too much booze won’t make you have lasting psychosis.

Absolutely agree son might be self medicating. It’s not working though, he’s angry and isolated.

someone from year above me was sectioned. Also 2 lovely lads with loads of potential, last known of still getting wasted in their 30s (in a flat share) and massively under achieving. Sure my DSis’s paranoia is because of it. It’s fine for lots of people. But I hope that my DCs don’t go near it.

call police with any violence or threats

talking therapies if he will engage. Why do drugs have such a pull? Helping him reflect and work things through.

get some proper careers advice if he will engage. Help him see a glimmer of an exciting future ahead.

it’s fine he has had enough of studying in school, maybe he needs to look into an apprenticeship if paid work is his thing. He can get qualifications a different way.

Also FRANK for information. Does he understand the long term health risks. Knowledge might help him make choices

can he slowly swap one addiction for another? A gym membership with a friend?