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Original poster

If you're socially satisfied how often do you see friends?

44 replies

WhoNeedsFriends · 22/11/2023 21:49

I feel socially inadequate because of my boyfriends social life. He has two groups of friends, one that he sees once a week and another that he sees twice a week.

I don't have any friends that I see that regularly. I see friends maybe once a fortnight but usually that will be with their and my kids. I have lots of friends but they are all individual friends that I've met in various places so I don't really meet friends as a group. I definitely would like to see friends more but I can't imagine having friendships where I would see them every week. Maybe that would be different if I was in a group.

I guess I'm wondering if my social life is the norm or if his is. Maybe we are both at abnormal and the norm is more in the middle. Not sure.

If you're socially satisfied how often do you see your friends?

OP posts:
KThnxBye · 22/11/2023 21:55

Most days, but they are all different friends.

I have friends I see at work, so pretty much daily, then friends at running club which I see twice a week. I go with another friend to a gym class once a week. Then there’s my pub quiz team, weekly. Two different hobby groups I meet up with too at least once a month. I see an individual friend or a small group of friends for general catch up chats and socialising, whilst going for a walk together, going out for an event, a meal or drinks, maybe once a fortnight but it’s not usually the same one/group. I usually go on holiday at least once a year with a friend or a hobby group. But, I can go 3-4 months without seeing very good friends easily because life is busy!

Titsywoo · 22/11/2023 22:01

When I was a teenager I saw my friends everyday, in my 20s around once a week, in my 30's every couple of weeks to a month and now in my 40s probably 5 or 6 times a year Grin I'm not counting my work friends though or neighbours I might hang out with. I'm happy with my social life - I spend most of my time with my family. I don't have time to see my friends once a week and to be honest now my kids are older and I barely drink my wider friend group and I have less reason to see each other much.

verrymerryberry · 22/11/2023 22:06

Twice a month? If that. 42 married no kids.

I don't have a "circle" of friends. In fact I wonder if it's an actually norm or just a perceived norm. I know of only a few with a "circle".

I do lots of lovely things and see lots of people and have the BEST work friends and go to an exercise regularly and see people there.

DaftyLass · 22/11/2023 22:09

DH and I have a group of friends that get together for a games night once a week, and I make a point of spending one on one time with at least one other friend per week
This week I went on a beach walk with one friend, have games night coming up, then will meet another friend for a hike come Sunday.

Dogcatmousebunny · 22/11/2023 22:10

I am older than you but when I was in my 20s every day ,30s with toddler’s about 3 times a week,40s once a week,50s every couple of weeks…I just really am not so bothered and enjoy peace and quiet!

Sconehenge · 22/11/2023 22:16

I’m socially satisfied - the thought of seeing the same group of people twice a week makes me shudder! Friendship “groups” are just individual friends who get on, I’ve forged a few groups in my time, you just pick the friends and couples who think would get on and invite them to things together. If they hit it off then you’ve formed a group!

mindutopia · 22/11/2023 22:16

I see friends (outside of just randomly bumping into them somewhere or having a chat when collecting children) maybe once a month. I feel very satisfied with that. Frankly, I could probably see them less but Dh tends to invite people around and I don’t have a choice. I keep in touch with people regularly, but I’m just not someone who needs planned social activities to be happy. That said, I live with Dh and 2 dc so I’m rarely alone and definitely not lonely. Maybe would be different if I was single or had no children. But I feel fairly touched out on people most days.

Sconehenge · 22/11/2023 22:20

Also OP if you’re in a couple it’s much easier to form a group if you’re socialising together, are your DPs friends all groups of solely men? Usually in a relationship you do a bit of socialising together and form a little group of likeminded friends who you can invite to dinner or go to a show with etc. But good to keep your own individual relationships too.

I’ve just found that my “group” has
changed and adapted over the years based on life stage and location. I’m an expat as well so people are constantly moving away so I often feel like I’m on full time duty developing new friendships to take the place of old ones!

In my 20s was peak group time, felt very easy to meet new people and get a big group together for a holiday or party, now it feels like people are slowly whittling away - mostly because of having kids and I don’t have kids yet but also general attrition out of the country!

BabyShaark · 22/11/2023 22:25

I’m socially satisfied but have very few friends. The good ones I see maybe two or three times a year. Others I only see once every two or three years. I know that is definitely not the norm, but my friends are the same, so it’s a perfect fit.

I generally thrive on solitude. I also know that this is not the norm.

Original poster
WhoNeedsFriends · 22/11/2023 22:33

I can't tell if I actually want more of a social life or if I just think I need more because of his social life.

@Sconehenge his groups are all male, ladish types we don't share friends. I don't think we are going to last tbh.

OP posts:
Xmaspenguin · 22/11/2023 22:38

WhoNeedsFriends · 22/11/2023 22:33

I can't tell if I actually want more of a social life or if I just think I need more because of his social life.

@Sconehenge his groups are all male, ladish types we don't share friends. I don't think we are going to last tbh.

Is it a case of you feel like you need more friends or you feel like you need to fill your time when he goes off and leaves you on your own to join his mates down the pub? Do you do enough together as a couple?

UsingChangeofName · 22/11/2023 22:51

Why does it bother you that the way you see your friends is different from the way he sees his friends ?

You say you both have lots of friends. You just "do friendship" in different ways. Neither is right and neither is wrong. It is just 'different strokes for different folks' as they say.

FindingMeno · 22/11/2023 23:07

About every 6 months to a year.
I don't think that's the norm though!

Original poster
WhoNeedsFriends · 22/11/2023 23:22

@Xmaspenguin I enjoy having him out two nights of the week I guess it's the third I have the issue with. If his social life is the norm then I need to fill that third night with something but if it's not then I can find a partner who isnt out as much. I've massively oversimplified things there.

@UsingChangeofName yeah I need to stop comparing. Easier said than done.

@FindingMeno do you spend much time with family?

OP posts:
Catsmere · 23/11/2023 01:50

I have casual friends I see once a week at our knitting group, which is where I met them. I like them all but that's plenty for me, I don't think we have enough in common to sustain more contact. At this level, I look forward to our weekly meetings.

Other than that I have friendly neighbours and acquaintances I see in the retirement village we live in. It's no more than "Hi, how are you doing?" short chats with most of them, and the occasional sit-down chat with a very few (also knitters, lol).

I'd never heard the term "socially satisfied" before this thread, but I would say yes, I am.

DresdenDoll · 23/11/2023 01:56

I have 3 groups, who I see at least once a month each. I see friends from the groups individually from time to time and then I have a few separate friends.
Altogether I probably see friends 2-3 times a week on average.

EversoDisorganised · 23/11/2023 06:52

I regard my colleagues as friends as we spend our breaks and lunchtimes chatting. Then I have two main groups of local friends (made through the DCs and all female) who meet up once a month or so each. Maybe once a year the husbands/partners come out too. I also see some of them separately in between. Then my college friends and DH's uni friends, over the years we have moved further apart and had children at different times so we only all see each other once a year or so, but DH and I both see some of them in-between times separately. Then I have about half a dozen separate local friends who I see for coffee once every few weeks/months each. Plus our pub quiz team. So on a weekly basis I have work, the pub quiz, probably one organised night out or coffee/lunch with local friends. Together with bumping into people I know at the gym, shops etc that's plenty.

Dacadactyl · 23/11/2023 06:58

Once or twice a month I'll see local friends for pre-arranged meet ups.

Approx once a year I'll see friends who live further away (different groups of schoolfriends and uni friends)

I would however like more local friends.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/11/2023 07:01

I am sociable and seeing friends makes me happy. I’ve been very lucky I’ve always had great friends in my life and I don’t need to make a conscious effort to keep in touch and see them - I just do.

i am 47, married with 2dc and see friends twice a week, let’s say once to the gym and one lunch out. then maybe one proper night out a month. I also have days out with friends who live further away, less often. Dh sees a friend once a month if that. We have very different social needs!

Chipsatsunset · 23/11/2023 07:09

I think the norm is what feels right for each person . There’s a lot of pressure to have a wide circle of friends and to be doing stuff with them and constantly in touch. If that’s what you would like and enjoy that’s one thing but if its felt you need more as what you have isn’t ‘normal’ that’s unnecessary.

Im in my 60s. I have 4 very close friends. I see or speak to two of them every day. The other 2 once or twice a week. I have 2 wider groups of friends and one group meet once a week for a cuppa and a chat and the other once a month (it’s an interest group that’s been going for donkeys years ).

until I was in my mid-40s I had no close friends but after I divorced I was lucky to meet some amazing people and I’m very grateful to have them in my life.

coliqua · 23/11/2023 08:44

I see people about four times a week. I might get drinks one night after work with a group, dinner with one or two people once or twice a week, Sunday lunch and a walk with one or two people. Then I take short trips with people about once a month, and about once a month a few people come to stay for a few days. Overall it works out to probably four days with others and three days for me each week. I don't like parties or large groups so I'm always doing things with just one to three people really, and that means more occasions to get through.

I am lucky to have more people I like to spend time with than time I have to spend. I do need time on my own to recover, so sometimes I neglect people and it hurts them, I hate that.

I have four very close, very intimate decades-long friendships, plus my siblings. Everyone else is in a general mix of humans I like, that pass through and sometimes stick around. I don't have any friends I don't really like, which is a strange thing I only heard of on here.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 23/11/2023 15:46

I have different 'groups', some are old uni friends, some are couple friends, some are from my home town. Then i have 2 random close friends who don't know each other or anyone else I know.

My social life is very predicted and structured because of young children and gaps in geography. This has become that case because trying to meet otherwise became impossible. My uni friends for example do a weekend together with partners and kids in the Spring which is prebooked a year in advance and there is usually a summer BBQ that rotates. I often meet a few of them 1 to 1 or a group of 3 a few more times during the year. My couple friends are similar, we have a christmas night and a big child free booze up in August, pencilled in by Jan. There are 4 couples in that group but we meet in smaller groups regularly so we are all in touch. Its the best we can do, people move to where they can afford.

SamW98 · 23/11/2023 20:54

I’m in my 50’s and single and I see friends most weekends.

I also have a couple of friends who I meet for drinks and/or food as well maybe once a fortnight.

Ladyluck22 · 23/11/2023 21:50

Me and my friends meet for lunch once a week. Sometimes it’s only a few of us, sometimes all of us. We try and have an evening out once a month. I have another friend who I meet every few weeks for breakfast or we go shopping.
My husbands friends are all linked to his sport he plays so he normally see them 2 or 3 times a week.
I think we are pretty average with the time we see are friends.

Mamabear48 · 23/11/2023 21:54

Maybe 1 or 2 once a month and then the whole group maybe every month or 2

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