Daughter has no female role models - will it impact her?

[Coshei]

Hello,

I'm not sure where to post this really. I'm raising my daughter on my own and while she is a happy child overall I have noticed a change and I am now wondering if this is "normal" for 6 year old or if it's got a different cause. she has started to emphasise gender more. For example when someone asks her what she wants to be when she grows up she specifically stresses that she wants to be a "girl doctor", or a "girl police". Not that this is bad, but she didn't do that before and just mentioned jobs or hobbies etc. I mentioned it to a friend and he said that my daughter did not have any female role models in her life, and that this might be impacting her. To be honest I had never thought about it much, but she really does not have a real role model, so I am wondering if this might be having a negative impact on her.
She has female teachers etc but nobody close to her, apart from her grandmother that she sees on a semi-regular basis, but I'm not sure if this is enough?
I appreciate that this is probably a stupid question, but I'm not sure where to start.

Are you a man then?

Yes I'm her dad

This is the age where children start to understand the concept of 'gender' or biological sex and they start to consider these in relation to jobs. Role models don't have to be people you know personally - look at public figures or figures in your community.

My advice would be to emphasise that men and women can both do the same jobs etc.

I'd also recommend reading Invisible Women and The Gender Bias: The Barriers That Hold Women Back, And How To Break Them.

Ah ok. Yes she has some people in her general life and community, just not personally close to her. Thank you

I’d throw that thought out of the window. It’s just not helpful to you. Said casually by a friend and now it’s lodged in your head. There are role models everywhere and luckily there are more and more fantastic role models in all walks of life - thinking of people like the Lionesses. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

I'm not sure if she needs close family members to do this.

Everywhere you go are high achieving women, point them out talk about how they got there. This week I have seen many high achieving women doctors, nurses and civil servants. I've been in touch with vets, academics and women who worked in banking. Not my average week but I think once you start looking you'll wonder why you didn't see them before. If I wander into town we have some great women small business owners, especially our independent shops.

Do you have any female friends? Or do any of your male friends have wives you like and admire? Could you ask one of them to take an interest/act as an informal mentor to your DD? It’s something I think a lot of people would be flattered to be asked to do and with modern communication, it’s easy to keep in touch with someone without it being a massive effort or hassle.

She's just at the age where she's exploring the strange concept of gender and what that means to her.

I think by saying girl doctor/police she's simply saying 'I'd like to be a doctor and I'm a girl so I will be a girl-doctor'

As others have said there are many positive female role models but I'd also like to say that I don't think positive (or negative) attributes need to be genderised - you can be a wonderful role model to her for being caring, sensitive, strong, understanding, a skilled communicator as can other family members no matter whether they are men or women.

Ah great, thanks. I think she is happy and confident overall, I just wondered now if she was missing out on something. To be honest I'm glad that she is exiting the "I want to be a princess" phase.

What your friend said is irrelevant really.

Just tell your dd that men and women can all do the same jobs if they want to so being a girl or boy doesn't matter. Tell her that some people have the silly idea that only girls or boys can do some jobs, but it is rubbish. She can be whatever she wants to be.

Ok that's ok then. I've never told her that there are jobs or sports for boys only, and that she can be whatever she wants. Was just unsure if I was missing something because so thought I'd ask here to get a different perspective. Appreciate the feedback

My son is a similar age and he wants to “Hulk-smash” stuff and he told me the other day he “needed” to take a saw to school to saw down a tree. Oh and he saw a witch fly past the window yesterday. And he wants a hairband like his best friend Jenny.

I take everything they say at this age with a pinch of salt. You sound like a great parent.

Ha thanks. Bit clueless at times and asking stupid questions then. We didn't have a witch but a vampire recently.

Total normal development. However you can have role models you've never met. Watch the NASA videos on the ISS where astronauts of both sex's carry out interesting experiments and show what life is like in space, hot to wash your hair/brush your teeth/make a meal.

Then there are books about brilliant women and girls. Women's sport is shown on TV more and more. You want her to know she can do anything but those role models don't have to be people you know.

Further to what PPs have said - you can reinforce the idea that girls can do anything without banging on all the time by making sure you often or even always say 'she' when there's a gender neutral situation where you'd usually default to 'he'.

So 'Let's make an appointment with the doctor, she'll know what to do" or "Shall we wave to the train driver, she must get bored in the cab all day long" etc etc.

Animals are another example of where people often say “he” instead of “she”, so you could make sure that you shift the balance the other way with teddies and book characters being “she” whenever it’s not otherwise obvious. The key is to fill her imagination with her potential.

one thing my dad got wrong was to somehow send the message that ‘girls stuff’ was not as fun or interesting as ‘boys stuff’ and this extended all the way to adulthood. So he’d have been quite happy with me being an engineer or scientist, but not with my brother being a kindergarten teacher or nurse. A woman aiming to work in a male dominated profession was aiming high, but a man aiming to work in a female dominated profession was not.

I probably default to "he" a lot when it comes to general roles like train drivers etc that you can't see. That might be a difficult habit to break. With animals she will check and correct you if you use the wrong gender because we correct people when they refer to our dog as "he".
She is growing up with a second language which is far more gender dependent than English, so thinking about it this might be where some of this is coming from. Never even occured to me.
I'll try the documentaries at some stage I think but for now the focus is firmly in the magical world.
Thank you, at least I know that she isn't missing out

Our 3 year old is currently going through it the gender obsession. Everything is about whether it’s a boy character or a girl character and she gets very annoyed if I get it wrong. (She mainly wants everything to be girls.) I assume it’s a phase they all go through to figure out their perspective on gender and gender roles. I hope it will pass because it is driving me nuts 😂

Her grandmother can certainly be a great role model, does she have any other female relatives?

I think this is a common concern with lone parents raising children, l had similar worry with my sons but they have turned out absolutely fine.

No other female relatives from my side of the family. Some on her mother's side but that is not an option for now so I'd rather she found other inspiration.
She is aware that a woman wrote one of the most successful book series (which happens to be her favourite), so she was definitely impressed there.

Personally, I think it is quite encouraging that she recognises that girls can be doctors or policewomen from an early age. That’s exactly what we want to encourage. Why can’t girls be what they want ? I wouldn’t say that’s because of lack of a role model.

Other things you could do...

Do you like watching football for example... watch womens football as well. Or rugby, or tennis etc

If she mentions a career she's interested in, find out about a high flying woman in that career. For example Police... a woman was in charge of the Met for 5 years. Or three women have been Prime Minster.

There's a series of books written by Kate Pankhurst called Fantastic Women Who... she will be a perfect age for them.

What's her second language? Maybe you could find female roles who speak that language?

German. I can't think of any roles models for a 6 year old here