What’s it like to have a ‘normal’ relationship with your dad?

[GoodnightJude1]

I just wondered really….

am I missing much?

I don’t want to go in to too much detail but let’s just say I’ve never been close to my dad. He left when I was 9 and never bothered with me much growing up. He’s never said he’s proud of me, never said he loves me.
He allowed my mum full custody of me if she promised not to ask for any money from him.

So I guess I just want to know what it’s like having a proper dad. Do u call eachother and chat? Do you have nice memories of doing stuff together growing up?

Dad read to me every night till I was 11. Took me running (we both love running) bought me little gifts back from his work. Helped me with cars and money in my adult life.

this is going to sound really mean, but why are you chasing a dream? all the replies are going to make you feel sad, feel like you have missed out.. concentrate on what you do have not on what you dont! imagine all those out there who never had a loving relationship with their mums... and you do, so cherish that, not waste time on some dead beat loser who donated his sperm to create you

@susanu67

I get what you’re saying. It won’t make me feel sad though. I just wanted to know other people’s experiences.

You know how you see in films that the little girl is always the apple of her daddy’s eye. I just wanted to know if that’s ever true in real life, that’s all!

My Dad was always present when I was a kid. He worked and provided for us and came home every night.

He and my mum are still married but they fought a lot when we was kids and still do.

He never did anything with us and wasn't really interested in us despite there being 3 of us kids.

I'm not close to him at all. I see him once in a blue moon usually when he's fallen out with my Mum.

He not interested in being a Grandad or having a relationship with my kids. He doesn't ring us/them.

He has no hobbies or commitments, it's like he's dead already. He didn't want to do a speech or walk me down the aisle at my wedding. He didn't tell me I looked nice on my wedding day.

What I'm saying is, my Dad provided for us and was at home at night but it made no difference, I'm so glad my kids have a Dad that's worlds apart from my own.

.. not always.... life is not a fairly tale im afraid!

@FedUpOfInstaMum

That sounds like my dad. He’s very bitter and has no hobbies, interests or friends. I’ve tried a few times over the years to build a relationship with him but I’ve realised he’s just not a nice person. He’d add nothing to mine or my DC lives.

My dad's an eccentric character and not how you'd imagine a typical dad to be. However we've always been close and are quite alike. I've always felt he really loved me. It's just a nice, loving relationship.

It can be a wonderful relationship, Im 60 now and my dad is quite elderly, I am still 'his girl', he has been a constant rock, has loved me unconditionally and I love him dearly. Im very worried right now that I won't have him for much longer.

The thing is though, Im old enough to not have delusions, He is just a man, with flaws, he can be selfish just like all of us, all I do know is that he has always tried to be a good, decent honest person, that's good enough. And that is good enough for any person to be, father or not.

@SallyWD

That’s lovely. I think that’s the most important thing, to feel loved. Not presents or fancy days out. Just to know you’re loved.

My dad was amazing. Warm, kind, funny, always present and always putting us first. Him and my mum were very much in love. As kids, he spent loads of time with us, ferrying us and our friends around and helping us out. As adults he still would drop everything to help me and my sister out when we needed him. He was such good company and we used to chat/text regularly and hang out together lots. He was an ace grandad too. He died 3.5 years ago and I miss him every day.

@thebabessavedme that’s very true. We all have our flaws. I just hope I haven’t inherited too many from my dad! Lovely that you’re still ‘his girl’.

@Sheeponacid He sounds wonderful. I think watching your own dad with his grandchildren must be a lovely feeling. I’m not surprised you miss him everyday 💐

My Dad has always been a good dad. Him and my mum are still together. But we're distant. When I was a kid, he worked nights, so I didn't see him much. We never had much money growing up, both my parents were in work but it was low paid and they struggled with debt. We had a couple of family holidays in the UK staying at grandparents' house, but most weekends, evenings and school holidays I would watch TV with my siblings: no family days out. My parents argued a lot - instigated by my mum who had untreated depression and trauma from her childhood. My Dad tended to sit there and take it/withdraw, which only angered my mum more.

I call my parents once a month and visit a couple of times a year. My siblings call and see them less often (maybe only visiting once every 2-3 years) they don't live far, a few hours drive. My Dad (and mum) never really asks about me or remember things about me. I haven't had Xmas or birthday presents since I was 18. Paid for uni myself with no financial support.

Not sure what "normal" is, but it isn't the fairytale.

@GoodnightJude1

My parents have had and still have a very toxic marriage. They both only have each other and have never had any friends.

When they both fall out which is often, they both have no one.

I've had to take a step back from them otherwise you end up dragged into their arguments and toxic ways. Luckily I live around 45 mins away so a good distance.

@GoodnightJude1 , yes it is lovely to be 'his girl' but it can be a double edged sword, there are a few ex boyfriends that lived to rue the day they upset me, My dad is also a lovely grandad/greatgrandad, he is also the life and soul of the party, which basically means he drinks far too much, eats exactly what he wants and thinks doctors are there simply to ruin his enjoyment of life. Thats what I mean by calling him selfish, he knows his life style will kill him, he knows we worry but he won't change, however, perhaps its me that's selfish, its his life to lead how he wants, he is late 80s, he has to make excuses to no one now, he has done his best for everyone all his life, its now all his choices to make.

My dad has just died rescently.He was a really great dad though.I have lots of lovely memories of doing nice things with him.I think he put us kids first, which I have tried to do as well.

He did always complain how many more golf clubs he could have had, if we hadn't been there.,
Which was a half joke, but apart from that , taught me to swim, read etc.

Was a rock later on as well.He was also sometimes selfish like a poster before mentioned.

It sounds like the ‘movie dad’ is more of a fairytale than I thought.

My dad is only 10 mins away and I see him every few years at a family event of some sorts. I think I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like I did something wrong to make him not love me but over the last few years I’ve realised it was never me and always him.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not going to visit him…especially when he was in hospital recently but I think that’s his own doing.

I was really lucky to have him and that my kids got to meet him. I'm trying to be the same positive presence in my kids' lives. I'm really sorry your dad hasn't been the parent you deserve 💐

@Muffit

I’m sorry you lost your dad recently. Sounds like you had a good’n 💐

Do you think the way he raised you had an impact on how you’ve raised your DC? I try to make sure I’m nothing like my dad and try to spend as much time as possible with my DC and celebrate the little achievements as well as the big….because he never celebrated any of my achievements!

I am lucky to have/had a very involved Dad. He is not without his flaws though as he's only human! He worked hard to provide for me and my 2 siblings. He made sure we travelled as much as budget would allow, taking us to French gites, and parts of northern Spain also camping in Loch Lomond in the summers. He grew up very working class and was the first of his generation to get to university (Oxford no less on a grant) he did have high expectations of us academically and we all did well. As adults he paid for driving lessons and first cars and takes an interest in all the grandchildren. He does hide in his office sometimes when all 6 are around at once! We are very similar in personality-natural introverts and quite stubborn! He has had the biggest influence on my life than anyone and I love him dearly

@thecrispfiend that’s lovely 😊

When I picture in my head a situation where I feel safest and loved I pictured being sat with my dad. He is the best man I've ever known, the most thoughtful, caring and least judgemental. When I talk about him I always say he's a good egg, but that's the understatement of the century.

I truly believe everyone deserves 2 loving parents- whether they're biological, chosen, or otherwise. It's not your fault if you don't have that, it's always the parents responsibilty to be there as best as they can.

my dad passed away 3 years ago but i still have messages from him telling me how proud he was of me and that he loves me. i miss him every second

My dad is the love of my life. The man is heaven sent and an even better grandad than he is dad. I'm very grateful for him. He has just had the all clear from his cancer diagnosis and I pray many more years with us. He's a simple guy, loves his wife, goes to work and then comes home to his family.

He worked incredibly long hours for little money when I was a kid but he'd come home cheery and shower us with kisses waking us up from sleep, annoying my mum. He showed up to every assembly, he'd be at the back of the hall but there every time and then rush to work as we finished. He has made loads of sacrifices for us and has always done so without complaint. He supported us to do well at school because he wanted us to have choices. I can't write every thing he has done for me because I'd need to write a book. He loves me unconditionally and will always fight for me, he raises me up and makes me feel like I can do anything. He's a good example of what a dad should be, what a husband should be and I knew I would never accept any less when I was looking for my own life partner. He once said to me that his son was his life but his girls (there are 3 of us) had his whole heart. The day my eldest was born he came with my siblings to see her at the hospital they all rushed to her but dad came straight to me. I asked him didn't he want to see her and he replied that he did but he had to check on his own baby first.

@Sceptre86 that is so lovely! Brought a tear to my eye reading this.
I have to granddaughters now and I love them both so much but whenever I see them I always give my daughter a hug and kiss first, because like your dad said, I have to check on my own baby first.

*two granddaughters 🙄