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Original poster

What would you think if you found out a friend of yours did this?

26 replies

glycerinegirl · 20/11/2023 11:16

I've name changed because of the specific content here!
I have a friend I've known several years but due to various nuances we don't see one another often. She's lovely and I get on very well with her.

I discovered fairly recently however that she has 12 loo seats, shower curtain/bath mat sets and those rug things that go around the base of the loo (forget what they're called) and changes all of those things for new ones each month. She has some other quirks too, OCD I think? If she realises she's walking in the wrong direction, or she goes in a shop but doesn't buy anything, she has to turn around 12 times before heading off, for example.

This obviously doesn't affect me directly but I do find it a bit odd and just well, who could be bothered doing that?

Anyway, I introduced her to another of my friends recently and said friend really liked her and has invited her out on a date.

I am not sure whether to tell this friend about friend 1's oddities. She'll definitely discover it as they've already planned to do an activity at this woman's house, and she keeps the loo seats etc in a part of the house where they're clearly visible-so I can imagine a sort of 'Why TF have you got 12 toilet seats?' conversation. None of my business? It wouldn't put the second friend off, she's very open minded-I guess maybe so that she doesn't look shocked and hurt friend 1's feelings?

I think this might sound like a troll post. It isn't though!

OP posts:

SM4713 · 20/11/2023 11:23

Keep out of it! So you have know this 'friend' MANY years, yet only just discovered the 'oddities' yourself now!?!

IncompleteSenten · 20/11/2023 11:24

If I found out my friend did this?

I wouldn't care one bit.

If it doesn't affect me in any way and it's not an abuse of a vulnerable person that would mean I had a social duty to report I am not interested enough in what others choose to do to give it any thought. (I realise that sounds borderline sociopathic 😂)

I wouldn't mention it / warn someone because I just wouldn't care. They'll find out and they'll decide whether they give a fuck. Making a point of warning them would only make it seem to them like I was judging it and saw it as something to be wary of. They'd likely tell my friend that I felt I had to warn them then my friend would think I saw them as someone others needed to be given a heads up about.

Nobody is being hurt so best to keep your mouth shut imo. If they mention it to you then a shrug and a "yes, friend likes to do that, want a coffee" attitude is best

Original poster

glycerinegirl · 20/11/2023 11:27

Yes, she hadn't told me and I hadn't been to her new house until recently. She must've kept things somewhere else in her old one I think.

Thank you both-I will not say anything.

I didn't think much of it really other than it being a bit unusual/odd but as I said in the OP it doesn't affect me at all and as you've said, isn't hurting anybody.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 20/11/2023 11:35

It does sound like she has OCD (speaking as someone with OCD - a new loo seat, etc. every month sounds like heaven to me too, but I happen to be quite lazy). Lots of people with mental health issues have very happy, successful relationships so let them get on with it.

I did once tell a friend that another friend was being treated for herpes before they started dating. I was at the friend's flat for a party and ran out of loo roll so opened the cupboard under the sink in the bathroom looking for spare and found a prescription for herpes antviral meds with his name on them. It seemed like the right thing to do because it would protect her sexual health and she could make her own decisions. They have been happily married for over 10 years now and have 2 dc, so obviously was a non-issue, but I am glad at least I mentioned it. In this situation though, just let them enjoy their date.

Original poster

glycerinegirl · 20/11/2023 11:39

I did once tell a friend that another friend was being treated for herpes before they started dating.

Did you have a moral dilemma over that, or was it a 'no-brainer' for you?
I think I'd have done the same.

OP posts:

SM4713 · 20/11/2023 12:05

So you've also never noticed her spinning around 12 times on the spot for going the wrong way!!! 🙄

Annella · 20/11/2023 12:06

Living with OCD is really hard. Your comment “who could be bothered with that” shows that you have absolutely no understanding of it and also makes me wonder if this is indeed a troll post.

OCD isn’t a choice that she can be bothered to make. It’s also not just lining up stuff on your desk or turning circles. It’s living with intrusive thoughts and obsessional doubt. I would try and support your friend. There are talking therapies that can really help. I would focus on trying to approach this sensitively and be a good friend to her, rather than worrying about whether to give your other friend a heads’ up.

ThatsBalderdash · 20/11/2023 12:08

Omg, if she’s got OCD it’s not just odd quirks is it! Poor woman probably really struggles with it, do not say anything to her unless it’s to ask if you can help with anything.

NewPinkJacket · 20/11/2023 12:11

You've described pretty severe OCD which is a mental illness but then again you know that.

This obviously doesn't affect me directly but I do find it a bit odd and just well, who could be bothered doing that?

Someone who is mentally ill...

NewPinkJacket · 20/11/2023 12:12

And no wonder you've name changed, because you've made yourself looking incredibly ignorant and ableist.

Towerofsong · 20/11/2023 12:13

mindutopia · 20/11/2023 11:35

Or it could have been for cold sores, chicken pox (though you'd notice if he had recently had that) or shingles.

HotMessVibes · 20/11/2023 12:16

This obviously doesn't affect me directly but I do find it a bit odd and just well, who could be bothered doing that?

Hmm.

I think this might sound like a troll post.

You're right on that bit.

CesareBorgia · 20/11/2023 12:36

I wouldn't be interested in a friend's housekeeping practices.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 20/11/2023 12:41

So you think it's ok to judge someone with complex mental Health issues
lovely

StockpotSoup · 20/11/2023 12:42

I would end the friendship immediately. 11 toilet seats would be fine, but 12 would be my line in the sand.

YouAreBeingUnbearable · 20/11/2023 13:02

and just well, who could be bothered doing that?

who could be so ignorant? It doesn’t feel like a choice to someone with OCD, it feels like something awful will happen to her or someone else if she doesn’t complete her pattern. A very very quick google would have told you that. You sound like a really crappy friend.

topshotta · 20/11/2023 13:25

This is such an innocent thing lol why would you even bother telling

BMW6 · 20/11/2023 13:50

OP - give your head a wobble as the saying goes, you've made yourself look like an ignorant numpty.

Goodornot · 20/11/2023 13:54

My boyfriend has ocd. He rushes back to check the door again sometimes after he's just rattled the handle so many times it's obvious it's locked. Among other things I won't go into on here.

He said to me you're applying logic to it and it isn't logical.

Same with your friend. I'd do nothing if I found out.

dontgobaconmyheart · 20/11/2023 14:02

It couldn't be any less of your business. OCD - whetehr she's diagnosed or not (also her business only)is a medical issue and she has the right to privacy and understanding, which she clearly doesn't have here. I very much doubt it's enjoyable for her to feel compelled to do these things and none of it has anything to do with the fact she has the spare time or 'can be bothered' whereas you cannot. It very likely may be frustrating for her, something she wishes she could stop or a difficult thing to manage.

If it turns out that whoever you introduced wants to discuss it with her they can, if it is an issue for them at all if/when it comes up then they can bring it up with her privately. The only thing you're 'morally' obliged to do here is be a decent person and support a friend you say you like and respecting normal boundaries. I wouldn't talk about a friend behind their back to someone they're dating in these circumstances at all other than to wish them well and say how lovely she is. Your input and involvement should end there.

Original poster

glycerinegirl · 20/11/2023 14:36

Yes I did know about that @SM4713 ,and some other things that are related, I just didn't know until quite recently about the loo seats.

She doesn't want anything doing about any of her behaviours, she finds it all funny and is very open about it, I just hadn't been to her house for a long time and didn't notice when I had been previously and she hadn't told me, when she did tell me she told me in a way I'd tell someone I like white wine, as if it was totally normal, but she definitely found it funny, quite proud of it I think. Not something she (at least currently) feels is a struggle.

I name changed as it is a specific thing and linked to other posts someone may recognise me. Not because I'm an ignorant oik.

@StockpotSoup 😂😂

@YouAreBeingUnbearable that does make sense-because she has a different habit that relates to that in a way? She won't make a certain type of food any longer, because she once had some bad news while doing it, and she now thinks if she makes it again something bad will happen.

@dontgobaconmyheart not diagnosed, she likes the way she is. Maybe I could gently encourage her to see that life may be easier for her without such things? But she does enjoy them currently, definitely doesn't wish to stop.
I've definitely told friend 2 how lovely she is and other positives about her

And again I don't judge her for it at all-she's not hurting anyone.

OP posts:

Original poster

glycerinegirl · 20/11/2023 14:39

You have reminded me though, I used to know someone else with OCD (diagnosed) and their life was very much stifled because of it. It presented differently though, being fastidious about hygiene and they couldn't work because of it, and definitely couldn't date anyone. I did find that quite sad for them

OP posts:

NewPinkJacket · 20/11/2023 16:11

Not because I'm an ignorant oik.

And yet you maintain she hasn't got diagnosed because 'she likes the way she is' 🙄

If you allowed a single thought into that tiny brain, you'd realise there's every chance she's scared to admit how bad it is and to get help.

TravellingT · 20/11/2023 16:21

We're all odd, OCD or not it wouldn't bother me. As long as she's coping healthily and is okay with/aware of why she does it it's fine. Don't 'warn' someone of her traits, that's so bitchy.

DatingDinosaur · 20/11/2023 17:06

“Maybe I could gently encourage her to see that life may be easier for her without such things? But she does enjoy them currently, definitely doesn't wish to stop.”

So leave her be. If there comes a time she says it’s interfering with her life and making her sad then that’s the time to ask how you can help her.

Like you say, it doesn’t affect or hurt you or anyone else in any way so why should she live her life according to your definition of “normal”?

And no, don’t say anything to the new friend. Not your story to tell. Not your call to make.

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