How to stop yourself buying too much 'stuff'

[Timetogoclutterfree]

Although I'm far from the worst person for this, I've decided I'm buying too much stuff all the time.^^ I'm not going into debt and my house isn't overrun, but I do need to cut back.

It's just general things like such as, candles, I love them, but I buy them and then I don't always use them up or use the ones I've got before buying more.

Pyjamas, I have loads but I see new ones I love and can't resist. Coats, again, I have a good enough selection, but I'll see someone in a lovely coat and want another. I do use them, but storing them is a pain.

I've just ordered a load of stuff for one of my dc as I wasn't sure which size and style he'd need but I went overboard and now need to return loads.

Think I'm worse this time of year because I get drawn in by all the displays in the shops.

Any tips or advice on how to avoid mindless buying.

I mean....mumsnet "shopping" is just sitting at the bottom of this page if you scroll down 😤 you cant escape ... but you can develop your "nope!" response.

No instagram is the fastest easiest change.

Those pyjamas say £30 well on minimum wage it costs three hours plus to pay for them 😱

I never keep more than a small amount in my current account hiding the rest away in a savings account. I do check the balance of my account on the app and transfer as necessary.

Before buying anything think about where you will put it
I have a tiny flat with no decent storage

Well with no Debenhams BHS it’s easy to not buy stuff. I used to shop there every week and always came home with something or other. I still have loads of clothes from those shops. In fact I miss shopping.

This.

If you're buying things because you spend time looking for things as a way to pass the time, do something else instead, preferably not something that requires you to buy lots of stuff.

Or can you dedicate the energy to decluttering and selling the excess things you've bought?

It's a major difference I've noticed between me and DP. It would never occur to me to look at 'shopping' websites unless I've already decided I need to buy something, whereas he'll be habitually looking at places that sell things he's interested in.

Oh, mate, this really explains why you 'have to' buy lots of stuff now you can! In fact, it sounds like you're doing well not to have bought all the things, all the time, just in case.

Fear of scarcity is a powerful driver.

I think recognising the fear is helpful. Not to say you shouldn't feel it - it is true that you might one day be in need of a perfect candle but unable to get it. Would it be the end of the world? Of course not. Not even having a sofa isn't the end of the world, as you well know ... it's also uncomfortable, and we all like to avoid discomfort.

As a thought experiment, can I ask you which is the worse discomfort: the possibility of not having the perfect coat for a particular occasion, or having an overstuffed cupboard full of coats that have cost a fortune?

You won't run out of coats. Having a less-than-ideal candle: mild disappointment, near disaster, or no big deal?

Ordering stuff and sending it back isn't risky behaviour in itself. It's a pain in the arse for all concerned - and is a known shopaholic strategy - but you could permit this for a while, perhaps making a big point about what a lot of nonsense (warehouse labour, delivery fuel & effort, packaging, re-packaging, costs everywhere) it all is. Feel virtuous every time you choose not to add to the mass of wasted resources involved!

There are several ways to deal with feelings of scarcity, from putting an effort into cherishing the stuff you've already got, through switching your focus to saving instead, to giving yourself a weekly splurge budget and concentrating on how to spend it. Pick approaches from PP's suggestions here; they're all good. Go easy on yourself.

I can totally relate . This last year my spending has got out of hand on things I don't need but like / want .
We never had anything as kids and I'm in a much better financial position as an adult so I'm not in debt but the money could be put to far better use.
My areas of weakness are similar to others , too many candles , monthly magazine fiend and now they are circa £5 that's silly , I buy new Lego sets and jigsaw puzzles despite having many sets to still build . My main main one though is I spend too much on QVC . I also go out to eat with friends 2 or 3 times a week .
After Xmas / New Year is out the way I'm having a really good declutter . I'm deleting the QVC app . I have some big expenses coming up next year and want to pay for those out of earned income rather than dipping into my savings .
I'm quite excited about taking back control .

Have a child on a scholarship at private school, when you are definitely not a 'private school' family.

Suddenly you stop buying anything at all !

Everytime you want to buy something just transfer the money to a savings acc instead.

I could have written this!

I now no longer buy anything that I see on TikTok. I was getting a real urge to run out whenever I saw something ‘amazing’ on there, I’d feel great if I found it, then I’d be left wondering why on earth I’d bought it.
Stay off SM!

This is a risky strategy that could make the problem worse but works for me...I add stuff I like online to my "favourites" if the website allows it. Somehow, having an accessible list so I can look at it whenever I want fulfils something and makes it easier not to buy it. I can't explain it but it works for me.

For me, its impulsive buying thats the killer. So, if I want something now, I say to myself- thats ok. But you need to leave it three days (or a week) and see if you still want it then. Usually, in three days time I dont, I realise that I dont really need it and it was just an impulsive whim. This has really helped me.

Another good technique is to look at whats underneath the desire- are you bored/lonely/fed up/sad? we often nurture ourselves by buying stuff we dont need. Identifying what its covering up and acknowledging that emotion can really help the buying urge disappear. So now I try to use self care rather than shopping to alleviate whatever trigger is wanting me to buy stuff.

I just never go shopping. Never buy when you first see something. Save in your phone for later and I bet you won’t want it. And always consider the environmental and human input to make it

Agree with deleting instagram. Appalled at how much stuff I order and add back. And it's depressing me! It's got to stop.

Don't go shopping or browsing websites
don't use social media
use cash at all times so you actually see what you are spending
if you see something you want, come back tomorrow. You'll have forgotten it by then

i barely buy anything.

We are overloaded with seeing stuff to buy. When I used to go shopping I used to buy so much. I didn't understand why because lots of stuff makes me anxious.

I still have too much like most people. The key is to use decluttering as a process and I'm trying to do that.

A poster said ages ago to ask yourself can you be arsed to keep it clean rather than do you want it!

Do you have triggers? I realised when I am premenstrual I am way more inclined to make impulsive purchases- so I wilfully don't shop then. Also when I look at Facebook (I tend to splurge on specific items that pop up on interest groups I belong to) so I am a lot more conscious of how I am likely to react if I spent half an hour in thereand am more on guard. I used to also spend a lot on Amazon but got locked out of my account when I changed phone number- hurray for two step verification! I was easily frittering anything from £50-200 a month there on household stuff that is half the price elsewhere.

I found it helps to write down what I want, and the cost, in the backpage of my diary. Usually when you glance back a few days later you'll be relieved you didn't buy the whateveritwas, and you will get a visual of the money you have "saved" by not giving in to impulses.

It's difficult at this time of year for me as I need stuff for gifts so I'm browsing. I'm trying to buy gifts that people actually want.

I try not to buy stuff for me or the house I don't need now as I eventually want to move house and retire

With me, it’s compensating for something I lack at the time, if I’m unhappy about something I’m not quite aware of yet.
So when I start buying random stuff, for me it’s a signal I’m overlooking something that makes me unhappy.

Is everything ok in your day to day life?

Recognise what happens when you buy something.

There's the marketing allure that brings you in - nice lighting, model photos, packaging etc

You buy it and get a dopamine hit, newness is so seductive, you think 'oh great this new thing is so awesome, I have the power to buy it and own it and that makes me feel great'

Very soon, the newness wears off and the thing becomes an object you need to spend energy on - where to put it, clean it, how to store it, how to dispose of it etc. too many things will make you feel drained and cramped.

At some point, you're going to need to dispose of it - imagine it heading for landfill, or the charity shop - how soon will that happen? And in the meantime you'll be looking for other things to give you that buzz of newness.

I use this process to mainly buy second hand and avoid plastic as I imagine it going in landfill. It's got to be actually worth it and something I'll use for a long time to buy something new.

You can use the same thing to avoid eating too much - you need to have the feeling of stopping eating at some point, why not after one chocolate rather than 37?

You basically need to learn to endure the feeling of not treating yourself to another whatever it is, without that feeling like deprivation of some sort.

I'm pretty sure a childhood with scarcity plays a strong role!

The other thing I do is tell myself right we pay X amount in mortgage for this house, space has a cost - this object will take up some of that space, is it worth it?

Me too. There was a tv programme series about it a while back where experts went in and showed the people exactly how much they had spent on crap. On talking to the psychologist, nearly all of them had unprocessed grief or some kind of trauma that they were using shopping to cope with. It was very eye opening. It made me realise that I also use buying stuff to plaster over painful emotions. Deal with the emotions underneath and the urge goes.

I've never been a big buyer. Things I do is hate shopping - I guess that's not something you can learn though; have savings pots for specific things - you could have one for allowed spending; and think about how many hours/days work an item costs - is it worth it?