Is it always down to appearance?

[3mirrors]

I do my grocery shopping in the same Tesco several times a week and recently I keep getting stopped my the same person on the self service check out. If I've done scan and shop and I've not been flagged for a check, she waits for me before I leave the area to check my receipt and bags. The same happens if I've not done scan and shop, she stands right by me to watch as if she thinks I'll steal something.

I bought some kids clothes yesterday and there was a problem with my bags being accepted on the scale so when she came over I asked her to detag the clothes while she was there. She refused saying that I might not pay for them if she did. So I scanned them, waited again and she eventually removed the tag after scrutinising my receipt and making a few other checks of my bags. She'd clocked my cheeseboard and asked for the receipt again!

I told my mother about this and she said its probably because I look poor, dirty and scruffy. Her problem is my hair, leopard coat and DMs. The leopard coat is less that 1 years old, DMs are just black and my hair is dark with blonde round my face. I am clean, a non smoker so I don't smell and I am polite to people.

I told my partner and he laughed, saying, yes you look very rock and roll so they probably think you're trying to steal stuff.

My mother went on to advise that my appearance was probably why DD doesn't have any friends. I'm quite hurt to think people could be so judgemental. I just like the Manics tis all.

Do I really look like a theif? Does everyone get this?

Yup

All you need is a fancy coat and good shoes and people treat you completely differently

I'm so sorry you were treated like this. It says far more about those people than it does you. Some people can just be incredibly judgemental for no reason at all

You sound great, a real rock chick. Try not to get upset by ignorant people.

Firstly your mum is being a bit of a bitch, probably in the hope that you will buy a nice blouse and "make the best of yourself"

Secondly it is possible that your face has wrongly been added to Tesco's face recognition software as a shoplifter. Mine has, and I've never stolen anything in my life, but one creepy security guard was convinced I had and that is apparently enough - luckily I don't care if they want to waste their time watching me like a hawk.

This happens to me a lot. I've taken to acting as suspiciously as possible to keep them busy

The look sounds very Caitlin Moran 🙂

Go in a posh coat and shoes as an experiment and report back!

I like the idea of keeping them busy! I am so torn as to go a bit dressed up in a different coat and a pair.of.shoes😱 next week and see what happens. My mum has long hated how I dress, I'm over 40 so she's tenacious if anything if she's still trying.

They sound like a jerk. I'd document days, times and staff and then submit a complaint. At some point it is harrassment.

I think your mum was rude and unpleasant to you btw, I hope you politely pointed it out. You don't have to take such nonsense, even from/especially from your mother!

I've noticed that I never, ever get checked if I'm wearing my work jacket with the company logo emblazoned on it. I use different supermarkets in both my work and home towns.

No no one likes to talk about it or even admit it, but yes, we judge and make assumptions.
…..we’re not always correct as you do get an exception to the rule, but the majority of the time the judging leads to the correct assumption.

You may bear an unfortunate resemblance to a known shoplifter.

If there are manned tills, go to one of those for a few weeks.

Yep. Next time request the duty manager and give dates etc and make a massive fuss. In public. That's harassment if it's every time.

Actively note down every time. Ask her name and tell her you're going to report her.

Yes mam is a bitch.

Yep, when I go in in my DMs and leather jacket with my hair in a ratty bun I always get stopped, if I go in after work in my naice Holland Cooper coat and sensible court shoes with my hair actually styled and makeup on it never happens.

It's bullshit because I have a great aunt who is absolutely loaded, wears clothes worth more than my mortgage, house worth more than God, and always shoves sausages in her pockets in Waitrose. She could buy Waitrose if she wanted. There is no thief uniform.

I don't know if you farted at the same time as you spoke but your arse just clapped. Judging does not lead to the correct "assumption" the majority of the time.

I used to get followed in sains in my sensible Barbour quilted jacket. Now I’m in a similarly frumpy M&S number and get watched less.

I would ask to speak to the Manager and say it's making you uncomfortable and feel judged purely on the way you choose to style yourself. Clothes don't make you a bad person and if it continues you'll take your business elsewhere. It's so awful how judgy people are! Don't change yourself to fit in or conform to what society tells you. Be you and be proud x

The scenario you described seems more a reflection of the times we’re living in than a reflection of you. They’re probably under instruction not to remove the tags until you’ve paid and maybe putting an expensive cheese board through the self checkout as a bag of carrots is common and worthy of checking.
I think your mum sounds quite mean as well. I’d just ignore and keep being you.

I've literally never been stopped and checked ever. Wondering why now.

I’ve never been stopped, but I’ve noticed they won’t take the tags off stuff until I’ve paid and some are more thorough at checking what I’ve put through the self checkout than others when they need to come over.

I wouldn't take it personally, l work in a store and some of the assistants are really thorough, because they're fearful of losing their jobs, whilst others are more relaxed.
It could be that on her shift they get more stuff stolen, not scanned and she's been pulled up on it. It is a highly stressful job, in our store nobody wants to work on self service or scan as you shop because of the high level of abuse.
Whilst l was on there unfortunately you have to view everyone as a potential thief no matter what they look like. Thieves aren't stupid, especially professional ones, they know exactly how to dress and act to try to deter attention away from themselves.
Staff are accountable for store losses due to theft, and the "Think 25" .

I don't shop in tesco (normally sainsbury, Lidl or Aldi) but I'm super scruffy and have never been stopped or checked. Is this unique to Tesco? In the past few years I've come to dispise Tesco.

I used to look really scruffy (I was in an abusive relationship and not taking care of myself) and used to get followed round shops by security guards. Once I found someone's wallet and handed it in - the response was "good thing you handed this in because we have cctv and if you hadn't we'd have seen you take it!" I was like, wtf, Ive just done a good deed and youre insulting me? That's when I realised the extent of how much we're judged on our appearances. Now I look very middle aged, middle class respectable and never get followed, stopped, questioned, anything. Although I did once go to our local market in sweaty non-branded exercise gear and got ignored by the traders- I could hardly get served at all.

Not at all saying you look scruffy, but "rock chick" while a look I love could be associated in some people's minds with shoplifting. The question is how much you care?