It has been a bit of a demanding week....and I am tired, judged and found wanting

[Livingtothefull]

I have been very busy at work. Dealing with a lot of demanding projects, having to push back on the perception that I have been holding things back. I think I really am not....but so easily doubt myself. I said I had to refute the claim that I was slowing down progress and told I was being 'unfair'.

Just completed a separate project, had to confirm an unwelcome outcome to those involved. Steeling myself for (more) negative feedback.

Discussion with my boss this morning about these matters: reading so much into boss's every gesture, fearing I am not being approved of yet again. Had to justify my position as boss had had negative feedback from team who felt they had not been kept updated by me (they had been, but maybe I had not spelled it out clearly enough).

Finished work late. Then took a call from my disabled DS care home to say that he had been playing up, got in a state and damaged some of his property (as he is liable to do). Updated DH who said I hadn't handled the call well, should have questioned the home's handling of the situation and 'didn't know enough about their workings to understand the situation properly'.

DS coming home tomorrow, I will handle him when the carer drops him off. And I mean handle everything: his toileting and changing, feeding, entertaining etc.

I am feeling disheartened right now. I feel I am doing - maybe not my best but the best I know how to do? yet everyone disapproves of me.

What should I think and do next in your view? Life is demanding, and I find it helpful to feel reasonably good about myself but maybe this is the wrong approach?

Does your DS have to come home this weekend ? If not let him stay there.

Thanks for this. I really want my baby boy home @Redshoeblueshoe , even if it is more work.

Your DH needs to be more supportive or handle the home himself. You need to feel you have someone on your team.

The alternatives are no job and no boy at home and I don't want these either. But I just want people to lay off me and you know, maybe be cheerleaders for me once in a while and scrabble around to find some good in me. I think it would make everything so much easier if I could just be respected. Am I asking too much?

Sounds tough, OP.

I’m not in the same situation as you so won’t say I understand how hard it is, but I feel for you.

When I find things tough, I often think it’s a shame I don’t smoke or drink too much occasionally- then at least I could take my frustrations out on a cigarette or three fingers of whiskey!

(And no, I don’t really wish I smoked because it’s an awful habit, but it must be nice to have something to take the edge off).

All any of us can do is our best.

Learn from things that haven't gone well, and acknowledge things you can improve in future but don't beat yourself up about not having 20/20 foresight. Not everything is in your control.

It sounds like it is and has been a very busy and stressful time, so if you can find an opportunity to, you should try and do something you enjoy and find relaxing at some point soon. Put that high on your priority list.

I understand that, and I am aware of how hard it is. Can you get anyone in to help you with your son ? And you are not asking too much

I just want to have self respect based on the work I do and have people support me; not imply that I have got it wrong in assuming I am doing a reasonably good job.

The thing is, DH really is a devoted and good father. I really respect him for it, it makes me sad though when he does not think much of that about me.

I do get help @Redshoeblueshoe thanks. It is not a burden to care for my DS and he does have carers who help us. But I want people to respect what I do too and during hard times it seems that they just don't.

I don't have whisky now @WeekWeekWeek . But I do have brandy and yes it helps.

Op here's a handhold. ❤️

I think you're doing amazing given your circumstances and you sound very strong.

Why doesn't dh field the care home calls if he thinks he can do a better job ? 😒

My brandy is providing my only self care at the moment which is not good. DH is asleep.

Well I do respect you, unfortunately I know that doesn't help, maybe don't give a stuff about what your colleagues think

Thank you for that @MrsClausno27 . DH had gone to bed but listened in, I thought I had handled the call OK but evidently I fell short.

Thank you @Redshoeblueshoe that is so appreciated. I am experiencing a 'respect desert' irl at the moment so will need to negotiate my way through and wait/hope for better times.

Nobody would respect me if they knew how much brandy I have had this evening.

It sounds like either your communication in general is a bit of an issue (team not feeling listened to/communicated with; expressing your perception to boss didn’t go well so something didn’t come over properly; DH saw something in the care home communication that you didn’t pick up on) OR you are in a job that’s too stressful and your boss & team are not pulling together so you’re the scapegoat, and your stress levels led to you handling the comms with the care home less well than you might otherwise, and overreacting to your DH saying so.

It all sounds really tough, either way.

Which of the above it is depends how you handle things.

Ha if only you knew - seriously you are not alone. Just don't sit up too late. I'm off to bed soon, but I will check in with you tomorrow x

I won't thanks I will go to sleep soon....didnt realise it was past midnight.

I am doubting my own perceptions now @NoSquirrels . I thought I was doing OK, now at the moment it seems I am not. But will think it through some more.

Not a good time to have brandy when I already feel down. 'Everyone hates me! Woe is me!!'

'I really respect and appreciate you. I think you are doing a great job'.

It has actually made me weep this evening, thinking of how I would like to hear those words from someone irl. But: mustn't be melodramatic. I will survive regardless.

On that note I am off to bed.

You will be fine, see you tomorrow

Sorry to hear this OP, sounds like you’re getting it from all sides and you just need someone to say something positive and appreciate you. But you’re doing great even though it might not feel like it. You sound like you’ve got a really stressful job which you’re handling well, and a really stressful home life too.

Talk to your DH about how you’re feeling, he probably doesn’t realise, often these poor men need things spelling out! And it’s Friday - yay! Plan in something nice to do as a family this weekend - what does your DS like doing?

And try to plan in a bit of time for yourself - can you take a day off work and do something indulgent? You need and deserve a treat!