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Original poster

I talk TOO much

35 replies

Talktooomuch · 15/11/2023 22:18

I love talking and will happily chat away to anyone. Often it’s a useful skill and has come in handy at times. But I’m aware I often just talk too much and struggle to reel it in. When I notice it I do stop but find it difficult. I don’t want to be that annoying person, help!!

OP posts:
Secondaryschoolstress · 15/11/2023 22:23

I do too! I love chatting.
I have absolutely no advice. But watching incase someone else does ☺️
(I do have a small number of about 5 friends who are also really chatty and at least one of them will call me each day or me call them to get all of our ‘chats’ out 😁)

mathanxiety · 15/11/2023 22:24

Practice sitting quietly on a bus or train or wherever. Fight the urge to make small talk.

Think before you start talking -
Am I feeling nervous?
Do I want to make someone like me? Do I need to feel people like me?
Does the stranger sitting beside me look like a person who wants to hear my thoughts on the weather or the traffic or their coat, or whatever?

Basically, examine what makes you talk, whether it's at a party or on a bus or at the school gates.

Original poster
Talktooomuch · 15/11/2023 22:26

That’s good advice @mathanxiety although I’ll quite happily not talk to strangers on trains etc. the situation is more around friends, work colleagues etc!

OP posts:
SpamFritterSandwich · 15/11/2023 22:28

I think I'm the same . Watching for advice

NotReadyForThisYet · 15/11/2023 22:28

At least you are self aware. Mostly I find people who talk too much have no clue they talk too much, they just assume I’m enthralled whilst they monologue on!
I sat at a table next to a couple of friends meeting up for dinner once. After a couple of minutes I started my stop watch. 18 minutes before the other poor woman managed to get a word in. Well, about 5 words, before the talker started up again.
I have a friend I seldom meet these days for exactly that reason.

SM4713 · 15/11/2023 22:31

I agree with what @mathanxiety said.

OP- are you my work colleague? Silence is ok too. You don't need to fill the air with your voice the entire time! Are you talking about work related topics, or personal/family/life issues when at work? Have a think about what you are sharing with colleagues and whether its appropriate and why they need to know? My colleague overshares about her family, and several of us feel its too much. At least you are aware you do this and can change.

SkaneTos · 15/11/2023 22:33

I agree with @NotReadyForThisYet . You are aware of it, and you are working on it! That's good.
I think you sound like a really nice person.

Can you try asking more questions, and then listen carefully to the answers? And then ask follow up questions.

warriorofhopelessness · 15/11/2023 22:37

NotReadyForThisYet · 15/11/2023 22:28

At least you are self aware. Mostly I find people who talk too much have no clue they talk too much, they just assume I’m enthralled whilst they monologue on!
I sat at a table next to a couple of friends meeting up for dinner once. After a couple of minutes I started my stop watch. 18 minutes before the other poor woman managed to get a word in. Well, about 5 words, before the talker started up again.
I have a friend I seldom meet these days for exactly that reason.

There is a vast difference between someone who goes on and on without allowing anyone else to join in on the conversation and someone who likes talking with people. The latter can very well be a very good conversationalist, entertaining, interesting, funny and so on. I’d much rather someone like that than someone who is monosyllabic or doesn’t have much to say for themselves.

Original poster
Talktooomuch · 15/11/2023 22:37

SM4713 · 15/11/2023 22:31

I agree with what @mathanxiety said.

OP- are you my work colleague? Silence is ok too. You don't need to fill the air with your voice the entire time! Are you talking about work related topics, or personal/family/life issues when at work? Have a think about what you are sharing with colleagues and whether its appropriate and why they need to know? My colleague overshares about her family, and several of us feel its too much. At least you are aware you do this and can change.

Ok that is useful to hear, I’m certain I’m not your colleague and don’t want to do that. I mostly talk about work stuff, due to my job which involves moving positions every 6 months has actually made this worse as I’m trying to get to know people so end up speaking more. But then I go home and feel really self conscious and awful.
I am able to stop talking when appropriate (e.g., in meetings, client work) it’s just socially I struggle, it’s like I get carried away before my brain is like STOP. it’s difficult to explain really.

OP posts:
Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 15/11/2023 22:37

I used to be similar but reigned it in. I'm embarrassed now that i may have been too chatty when I was younger. I have a friend who is similar, we often joke about it and our DHs tease us about it. But truth is in recent years I've noticed she talks over me and cuts across me, something she didn't do before and it annoys me now.

Good advice i got many years ago, when someone is telling us something we tend to immediately think of our relevant story/ news and then spend next few mins trying to jump in to say our bit. Try not doing that sometimes, just let the other people go on. Its hard to do if you are a natural chatterbox.

merrymelodies · 15/11/2023 22:45

Make sure you pick up on social cues. You can tell when someone wants to get a word in or is fed up of listening to you.Smile

I'm also a chatterbox so I understand the temptation.

MrsTopaz · 15/11/2023 22:51

I’m the opposite and find it hard to talk.. I’m currently working on trying to reach 50:50 in any conversation… so they talk for 50% of the time and so do I… this means I try to add more content to what I say. Perhaps try this in reverse? Could you try to keep each conversation closer to 50:50?

Almondmum · 15/11/2023 22:54

Are you sure it's too much? There are two.types of chatty in my experience:

Person 1 - talks at me, I find I know everything about their life, their kids, their grandkids, their pets, their work life. They know absolutely nothing about me because they never ask and they leave no gap in which to participate and turn their monologue into a conversation

Person 2 - has plenty to say about their own life BUT interested in everyone, asks lots of questions about people's lives, remembers those details next time they see them

If you're person 2 you have nothing to worry about! It's people like person 1 who need to be more considerate

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 15/11/2023 22:56

I do too. Especially at work. 🤦

I just like conversation!

Dogsitterwoes · 15/11/2023 23:05

I'd say make sure you check for cues from the other person that they've had enough and it's their turn.

I know a lovely person who 'talks at' and repeats themself in monologues, oblivious to the screaming body language of their audience. Good friends literally tell them it's time to to shut up now, and they take it in good humour as they know they talk too much, but it's painful watching them with other people sometimes.

So watch for signals and don't ignore them.

Roseandstar · 15/11/2023 23:12

Hi ! I love to chat too! Dont change ! ( I means obvs keep it appropriate) but don’t be hard on yourself …. X

Fosre · 15/11/2023 23:16

I wish I had this problem. Please teach me. I'm the opposite and hate it.

ShadowCipher · 15/11/2023 23:33

I like to ask daft questions, usually the answers seem obvious but sometimes its not, so i usually say this may be a daft question

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 06:11

ShadowCipher · 15/11/2023 23:33

I like to ask daft questions, usually the answers seem obvious but sometimes its not, so i usually say this may be a daft question

That’s odd. Why are you regularly asking daft questions which usually have obvious answers?

pinkdelight · 16/11/2023 06:20

she talks over me and cuts across me

Yeah I've got a friend who does this a lot. I thought she didn't realise which was bad enough but once she got annoyed when someone else picked her up on it and ranted to me justifying it, saying she comes from a family of 'over talkers' as if that makes it okay. Sometimes I have to just say my thing while she's talking until she finally shuts up. I do love her but it's a very annoying trait and I'm sure it stops her getting hired for some jobs (she's free land). She also assumes that she knows whatever you're going to say and starts to reply without listening and I have to say, no that's not what happened.

All of which to say, it's less the talking itself than the listening which is important. Do you take enough interest in other people too? Getting to know people is about hearing them more than holding forth. As long as you receive at least as much as you broadcast, and ideally more, it's okay.

GoingOffOnATangent · 16/11/2023 06:21

Almondmum · 15/11/2023 22:54

Are you sure it's too much? There are two.types of chatty in my experience:

Person 1 - talks at me, I find I know everything about their life, their kids, their grandkids, their pets, their work life. They know absolutely nothing about me because they never ask and they leave no gap in which to participate and turn their monologue into a conversation

Person 2 - has plenty to say about their own life BUT interested in everyone, asks lots of questions about people's lives, remembers those details next time they see them

If you're person 2 you have nothing to worry about! It's people like person 1 who need to be more considerate

Yes yes yes!
I have a friend who is like no.1. she has many excellent qualities I admire so I wish it wasn't the case that she is exhausting to spend time with. In all the 6 years I've known her I have not once managed to finish a sentence in her company!
You need to listen as much as you talk. Let people respond. If people are mm-hm'ing - wrap it up!

Aliceinnorthernland · 16/11/2023 06:28

As long as you are letting other people speak it's fine . I have a job where I have to give advice to people. They make the 30 minute appointment with me, so they want my advice. Doesn't stop some of them using huge parts I'd the time to just talk at me about what I've already seen on the form.

organicbox · 16/11/2023 20:57

It's a lovely quality. I loved chatters. I have NO idea if you do, but do you have ADHD? Often people with this cognitive style are great verbal thinkers

organicbox · 16/11/2023 20:57

*love not loved

mathanxiety · 16/11/2023 22:00

I’m trying to get to know people so end up speaking more. But then I go home and feel really self conscious and awful.

If you're trying to get to know people then you need to let them talk. Do you mean you're trying to get them to know you? If that is what you're trying to do, maybe ask yourself why you want to be noticed or validated or acknowledged.

Feeling self conscious and awful might mean you are talking out of nervousness or anxiety and when that feeling passes you have more self awareness. Beating yourself up after the fact will hammer your self esteem, which might be low to begin with (hence the need to be noticed or acknowledged).

I am able to stop talking when appropriate (e.g., in meetings, client work) it’s just socially I struggle, it’s like I get carried away before my brain is like STOP. it’s difficult to explain really.

I like the advice upthread to practice really listening, not the half listening-half forming your own response thing and waiting for the chance to jump in and talk that many people do. Try a mindful approach to your daily interactions. Remind yourself when you spot a colleague that you are to exchange morning greetings and a smile, and no more. Try to practice this daily. Keep a journal (on a notes app for instance) so you can keep track of all your interactions and mark them on a scale of 1-5 where 5 was a brief comment or greeting and 1 was buttonholing someone for half an hour.

It's sad to end up berating yourself or feeling your mouth ran away with you. Try to be kind to yourself, and don't despair. You can get on top of this.