I talk TOO much

[Talktooomuch]

I love talking and will happily chat away to anyone. Often it’s a useful skill and has come in handy at times. But I’m aware I often just talk too much and struggle to reel it in. When I notice it I do stop but find it difficult. I don’t want to be that annoying person, help!!

I’m a chatterbox. I have ADHD. I started medication didn’t make me talk less just made me not feel the dread you talk about that I talked too much.

Everyone has faults/annoying qualities (to other people), there are much worse than being a chatterbox.

I say don’t do anything. This is you.

I think that’s nonsense. You say yourself that medication has altered only your response to your own overtalking.

No one wants to be around someone who is only ever on ‘transmit’ mode, or who never listens, because even if they’re not actually talking, they’re busy preparing their next monologue.

The OP is right to want to work on this. @mathanxiety ’s posts offer good advice.

@Oxomoco what an ableist post!!!

If I said I was autistic and I had accepted I just couldn’t make eye contact would you tell me that was nonsense and I should just try to look because it would make offers uncomfortable?

OP says she can be silent when needed. Her post is all about her own concerns in social settings. This is not someone posting “I might lose my job unless I work on this skill”.

She does not say any of her friends have said to her that she’s on “transmit” mode.

As others have mentioned OPs concerns are very typical of ADHD and individuals spend years beating themselves up that they are weird and difficult. How about we all just recognised everyone has strengths and weaknesses? OP is talking about social settings - her friends. I am sure they love her for who she is and would hate to think she goes home agonising about what she said.

Be yourself OP and stop beating yourself up.

OP says she can be silent when needed. Her post is all about her own concerns in social settings.

She says she feels really bad later about her interactions with others and seems to go on autopilot while she's talking (not great in a work setting tbf, though it can also be annoying for friends). She speaks of her interactions in both work and social settings.

Yes, she should look to her strengths too, and recognise that she has colleagues and friends to begin with, so she must have something going for her, but clearly she herself feels she needs a bit of fine tuning when it comes to her habit of talking a lot.

Nobody, NT people included, goes around thinking they get everything right in their interactions. Most people know they have talked too much, or failed to say something that would have been welcome and appropriate, or they have said something stupid - opened their mouth and put their foot straight in. Sometimes the realisation dawns on them while they're speaking and sometimes they play it again in their heads later. It's ok to try to improve, to remind yourself to approach interactions with a bit of mindfulness, and that goes for everyone.

So true

Interested to see if people get annoyed when people as too many questions? I have a friend who can't seem to stop asking, so I end up talking and trying to ask her but she'll do a simple "yes/no/kind of" answer then start up with, sometimes quite intrusive, questions again. It's worse in many ways than meeting with someone who can't talk at all, because a lot of the time you know they like you taking the reigns and will often mention that if you apologise for feeling like you spoke to much. I feel much better after a fun chat to a quiet person who values my company than after the overly inquisitive yet non-sharing friend, who always seems to be after gossip without revealing anything that could be bonding at all.

My colleague loves talking too! It's gotten to the stage where I avoid him unless absolutely necessary as he'll always try to rope us into a more in depth conversation, full of disclosures and "jokes" that, whilst funny at times, is often just too much and wastes time I don't have at work.

I think you just need to assess your surroundings and give people the opportunity to end the conversation. Sense when they're pulling back and wrap it up.

Some people will love your chat, others will hate it. But you can't please everyone all the time!

You actively enjoy asking daft questions that have obvious answers?? Why??

Lots of food for thought here thanks everyone. I don’t think ADHD is something on my radar. Overall I’m quite an overachiever at work but the chatting thing has always been quite constant to be fair. I have a job which is very conducive to this and overall I don’t think it impedes too much in work it’s more socially I worry about it. I do have friends and a partner but feel at times that people might find me a bit intense / I feel like I sit on the periphery of groups rather than having close friendships if that make sense.
I am self aware though I struggle with it in the moment, it’s more afterwards that I think shit I did it again :(

I've worried about it too, as a chatty person. I'd suggest trying to pause before answering or jumping in with ME TOO! which can often lead to a ramble. I now try to think of things I want to find out and make sure I ask at least a set number of questions for the time. Make it more like ping-pong than filling a bath.