Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Bad behaviour private school

36 replies

Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 13:04

DD (6) Y1 has joined a private prep half way through the Reception year. She started school at a local primary but due to a number of issues with bad behaviour and disruption in the class coupled with the fact that a child (with suspected SEN) has latched on to DD and didn't let her play with anybody else (she eventually lost all the friends), pushing and hitting everyone saying DD is her best friend, disrupting her in the classroom too, we moved schools.

DD adores her new school, 14 girls in the class, lovely teachers, quite academic. Reception went very smoothly although DD said some girls can be quite mean to each other (snatching things, scribbling over or ripping off other girls work). I did volunteer with 2 school trips too and the girls can be very rowdy and misbehaved but what I noticed is that no one tells them anything. There is very little discipline coming from the teachers.

Year 1 started smoothly too but DD has noticed more and more bad behaviour in the class and there were several more serious incidents in the last 2 weeks. One day 2 girls were arguing about something and one chased the other, pushed her to the ground and hit her in the back so hard she couldn't breathe and had to be taken to the office.

Last Friday 2 others were arguing about some teddybear and one of them got physical and scratched the other's face to the point that she was bleeding. She had a big plaster on her face at pick up.

Yesterday DD told me it's total chaos in the classroom at maths in particular (she loves maths), the girls are shouting the answers, talking over each other and she never gets to say anything. She says she wishes she was in the other Y1 class where the girls are quieter and better behaved.

We are devastated to be honest. When we visited the school before DD joined, the headteacher pointed out that they have 'almost no behaviour problems' and because 'there is less time spent on disciplining the children, there is more time for learning', her exact words. However almost every day DD reports something that sounds like the Wild West. DD says the teachers do threaten the girls with some form of time out or putting them on the naughty chart but nothing seems to work. DD says behaviour is sometimes worse than what she witnessed at state school but I think that's because at state schools the teacher were very keen on disciplining.

Can anyone relate to this? How are the well behaved kids doing at school?

I have no idea how to approach school about this or just hope that DD will accept it and cope with it? This school comes at a great cost to us and I just can't bear hearing these stories of bad behaviour and disruption from DD. All DD wants to do it go to school and learn in peace. Is that a thing of the past?

OP posts:
HelpMeUnpickThis · 15/11/2023 13:09

I don’t think this is anything to do with state vs private - unfortunately this is just a very poorly managed school.

My girls are in a pvt prep and there’s nothing like what you described.

Log all incidents and take them to the Head / SLT and Board.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/11/2023 13:11

You are paying them, this isn't like state school - get into the office and start making a big fuss. Tell them it's unacceptable, you are not getting what you pay for, you will not stand for it etc. At least DD could be moved to the quieter group.

Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 13:14

HelpMeUnpickThis · 15/11/2023 13:09

I don’t think this is anything to do with state vs private - unfortunately this is just a very poorly managed school.

My girls are in a pvt prep and there’s nothing like what you described.

Log all incidents and take them to the Head / SLT and Board.

I'm glad to hear this isn't the norm.

And also I don't think this is representative of the whole school either.

OP posts:
Radiatorvalves · 15/11/2023 13:17

Private parent here. I’d be appalled and make an appointment with the Head. I’d go in calmly though… not disbelieving your DD but there may be more to this…. Needs actioning asap.

Bendysnap · 15/11/2023 13:19

Everything you’ve described would have resulted in a series of sanctions at my son’s prep - most probably a Friday detention for the scratching incident.

that said, rowdy classrooms do happen at private schools ; my older dd had one subject teacher with poor classroom control. Parents complained, he was given time and support to improve, he didn’t, he was sacked.

please start reporting issues to the SLT but be specific, precise and unemotive in your descriptions

Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 13:21

Bendysnap · 15/11/2023 13:19

Everything you’ve described would have resulted in a series of sanctions at my son’s prep - most probably a Friday detention for the scratching incident.

that said, rowdy classrooms do happen at private schools ; my older dd had one subject teacher with poor classroom control. Parents complained, he was given time and support to improve, he didn’t, he was sacked.

please start reporting issues to the SLT but be specific, precise and unemotive in your descriptions

Thank you for your advice.

I do think the Y1 teachers (although wonderful and kind) have very poor control over this class. These things didn't quite happen in Reception.

OP posts:
MumattheBar · 15/11/2023 13:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as requested by the OP.

KnottyKnitting · 15/11/2023 13:33

Behaviour like that at the private school my DD went to would have resulted in two warnings which if not heeded would have resulted in expulsion.

This sounds dreadful- as others have said a very poorly managed school which you are paying for.

I would definitely be asking for a meeting with the head.

SparklingSparkle · 15/11/2023 13:37

It’s like your child is at school with the plebs! Demand a meeting and a refund.

FrasierReboot · 15/11/2023 13:42

Sounds like a school full of entitled, spoilt little brats

Badatthis · 15/11/2023 13:45

This is coming from your own dd? Id take it all with a pinch of salt. The amount of info you are getting is Gestapo level of observation. My dd would say "fine" if asked to describe her day. I would say either there is some embellishment going on or your dd is the instigator and pinning it on other girls in her stories at pick up.

CurlewKate · 15/11/2023 13:46

Not a private/state issue-a crap school management issue. Make an appointment with the class teacher- then the Head if nothing improves.

Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 14:06

Badatthis · 15/11/2023 13:45

This is coming from your own dd? Id take it all with a pinch of salt. The amount of info you are getting is Gestapo level of observation. My dd would say "fine" if asked to describe her day. I would say either there is some embellishment going on or your dd is the instigator and pinning it on other girls in her stories at pick up.

Well, I did see these girls at b-day parties and on school trips so I'm very inclined to believe what she says.

Also lately the teacher comes out at pick up and talks to some of the parents, which I didn't see happen before.

I'm thinking to email her teachers first and bring up some of the things, for instance the disruption in the classroom, as that's what concerns us mostly. Perhaps asking if this is the case.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 15/11/2023 14:13

@Tinabrowley Bear in mind that there will be people on here so invested in private education that they will question or minimise your experience-while being immediately accepting that bad behaviour routinely occurs in state schools!

Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 14:19

CurlewKate · 15/11/2023 14:13

@Tinabrowley Bear in mind that there will be people on here so invested in private education that they will question or minimise your experience-while being immediately accepting that bad behaviour routinely occurs in state schools!

I am aware of that.

And I don't want to make this a private vs state school issue, although it make have appeared that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 14:20

'it may'...

OP posts:
Mintesso · 15/11/2023 14:21

Wow. I am so surprised to read that. Behaviour at our prep school is perfection, I’ve only ever heard of two children fighting, one was kicked out instantly and the other is on a final warning.

Have you met the head to discuss? You need to get into the customer mindset. You’re paying for a service and not getting it. Make a list of specific incidents with dates, request a meeting with the head and say this is not acceptable how are you going to improve discipline, we and others will have to leave if you can’t.

CalistoNoSolo · 15/11/2023 14:25

Badatthis · 15/11/2023 13:45

This is coming from your own dd? Id take it all with a pinch of salt. The amount of info you are getting is Gestapo level of observation. My dd would say "fine" if asked to describe her day. I would say either there is some embellishment going on or your dd is the instigator and pinning it on other girls in her stories at pick up.

My dd would tell me at length and in detail about her school day. Just because your child doesn't talk to you does not mean every child is the same.

Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 14:26

Obviously I don't know what happened behind closed doors in regards to those serious incidents, I like to think that parents were formally informed and given some sort of warning.

DD says some days the girls are fine, not perfect but ok, it's not a never-ending chaos.

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 15/11/2023 14:28

Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 14:06

Well, I did see these girls at b-day parties and on school trips so I'm very inclined to believe what she says.

Also lately the teacher comes out at pick up and talks to some of the parents, which I didn't see happen before.

I'm thinking to email her teachers first and bring up some of the things, for instance the disruption in the classroom, as that's what concerns us mostly. Perhaps asking if this is the case.

Show quote history

Treat it as any other service you're paying for which is sub-par. Complain, ask for refund, move if not sorted.

Lavinia56 · 15/11/2023 14:28

You are the client, paying for a service that is not meeting your expectations.

Let the head teacher know that either matters improve, or you will take your daughter and your money elsewhere.

At my granddaughter's private prep, there was one badly behaved child who was eventually asked to leave.

Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 14:49

CalistoNoSolo · 15/11/2023 14:25

My dd would tell me at length and in detail about her school day. Just because your child doesn't talk to you does not mean every child is the same.

Show quote history

Same with DD, she tells us a lot. Wasn't so talkative in Reception but she shares as lot more now she's older.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 14:57

Lavinia56 · 15/11/2023 14:28

You are the client, paying for a service that is not meeting your expectations.

Let the head teacher know that either matters improve, or you will take your daughter and your money elsewhere.

At my granddaughter's private prep, there was one badly behaved child who was eventually asked to leave.

Thank you for your advice.

We also know some now adults which were excluded from private schools for bad behaviour so we didn't expect to deal with this.

I'll get in touch with the school definitely. The trouble is DD still loves the school and has a positive relationship with all the teachers, has also made friends with a few girls from older years. The idea of moving schools, once again, fills me with dread.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 15/11/2023 15:05

I have two in state primary school (one who is in Y1 now and one who is in Y6, but who started in a different primary before we moved house). I've never in all my years experienced anything like what you are describing in either school we've been in. Kids can be boisterous and excited and noisy, yes, and there is the normal level of pushing and bickering. But definitely nothing like this. Do you think your dd is perhaps anxious about others' behaviour because of previous experiences and so fixates on it more than most? Honestly, my 10 year old would report back about a fight in school if she saw one, because she loves a gossip, but my 5 year old would barely register it, unless he was the one punched in the face.

I would raise it, but also I do think there is something to be said for using this as a moment to talk about resilience and standing up for yourself. I don't mean fighting back, but I do mean about speaking up. Your dd should be able to speak up and raise some concerns to her teachers. She should learn to speak to other children if they are bothering her. It's not easy to do and she may not be able to do it in every instance, but it's good to start practicing this kind of assertiveness.

Original poster
Tinabrowley · 15/11/2023 15:14

mindutopia · 15/11/2023 15:05

I have two in state primary school (one who is in Y1 now and one who is in Y6, but who started in a different primary before we moved house). I've never in all my years experienced anything like what you are describing in either school we've been in. Kids can be boisterous and excited and noisy, yes, and there is the normal level of pushing and bickering. But definitely nothing like this. Do you think your dd is perhaps anxious about others' behaviour because of previous experiences and so fixates on it more than most? Honestly, my 10 year old would report back about a fight in school if she saw one, because she loves a gossip, but my 5 year old would barely register it, unless he was the one punched in the face.

I would raise it, but also I do think there is something to be said for using this as a moment to talk about resilience and standing up for yourself. I don't mean fighting back, but I do mean about speaking up. Your dd should be able to speak up and raise some concerns to her teachers. She should learn to speak to other children if they are bothering her. It's not easy to do and she may not be able to do it in every instance, but it's good to start practicing this kind of assertiveness.

Thank you for your advice. Just to clarify, she's not been involved in any of these incidents, yet. She is non-argumentative and hasn't had any issues with anyone. She had the odd paper or pen snatched from her or her work being scribbled over but that's it.

The biggest issue for us is the rowdiness in the classroom and her not being able to make herself heard among the noise and disruption (potentially affecting her learning) and also being exposed to such bad behaviour (scratching, hitting, pushing). I feel like it stresses her and she might be at the receiving end of it eventually if the school doesn't do anything about it.

OP posts: