Bad behaviour private school

[Tinabrowley]

DD (6) Y1 has joined a private prep half way through the Reception year. She started school at a local primary but due to a number of issues with bad behaviour and disruption in the class coupled with the fact that a child (with suspected SEN) has latched on to DD and didn't let her play with anybody else (she eventually lost all the friends), pushing and hitting everyone saying DD is her best friend, disrupting her in the classroom too, we moved schools.

DD adores her new school, 14 girls in the class, lovely teachers, quite academic. Reception went very smoothly although DD said some girls can be quite mean to each other (snatching things, scribbling over or ripping off other girls work). I did volunteer with 2 school trips too and the girls can be very rowdy and misbehaved but what I noticed is that no one tells them anything. There is very little discipline coming from the teachers.

Year 1 started smoothly too but DD has noticed more and more bad behaviour in the class and there were several more serious incidents in the last 2 weeks. One day 2 girls were arguing about something and one chased the other, pushed her to the ground and hit her in the back so hard she couldn't breathe and had to be taken to the office.

Last Friday 2 others were arguing about some teddybear and one of them got physical and scratched the other's face to the point that she was bleeding. She had a big plaster on her face at pick up.

Yesterday DD told me it's total chaos in the classroom at maths in particular (she loves maths), the girls are shouting the answers, talking over each other and she never gets to say anything. She says she wishes she was in the other Y1 class where the girls are quieter and better behaved.

We are devastated to be honest. When we visited the school before DD joined, the headteacher pointed out that they have 'almost no behaviour problems' and because 'there is less time spent on disciplining the children, there is more time for learning', her exact words. However almost every day DD reports something that sounds like the Wild West. DD says the teachers do threaten the girls with some form of time out or putting them on the naughty chart but nothing seems to work. DD says behaviour is sometimes worse than what she witnessed at state school but I think that's because at state schools the teacher were very keen on disciplining.

Can anyone relate to this? How are the well behaved kids doing at school?

I have no idea how to approach school about this or just hope that DD will accept it and cope with it? This school comes at a great cost to us and I just can't bear hearing these stories of bad behaviour and disruption from DD. All DD wants to do it go to school and learn in peace. Is that a thing of the past?

Plus I think it's because it's such a small group of children, you are there with them all the time. Can't get away from the bad behaviour if that makes sense. Plus she says the teachers threaten the class with not giving them play time anymore because of their behaviour so DD gets anxious about that, even though she's not guilty of that behaviour.

The ‘punishing the whole class by making all the pupils stay inside during recess’ is pretty common unfortunately. State or private.
And it’s crap because, as you say, pupils who haven’t done anything are getting punished too.

My dcs hated it with a vengeance.

Having said that, the fact it’s a private school is giving you a bit more leverage than in state.
id have a word with the teacher first. Reporting incidents and the effect it had on your child (eg increased anxiety when ….) is often enough to settle things down. (Well good teachers will do something).

Then I’d have a word with the HT if nothing changes. Again emphasise the impact on your dd, not what she is telling you happens if that makes sense. Remind them about what they told you re behaviour etc….

But if the impact is really that bad, then I’d also plan to maybe move school (again….). You’ll need to remember no school is perfect. But some are much better suited to your own dc than others (and I mix state and private there).
Also have a look at building resilience with your own dd. Yes some dcs are disruptive. Yes it’s annoying. But is it ‘worth’ getting anxious about it? How can she learn to deal with that anxiety/rowdy behaviour from others etc….
I think that starting with talking to school and working with your dd is a better first step iyswim

Thank you for your advice, I'll take that on board. I'm writing down everything DD reports and I'll be in touch with her class teachers soon.

I had a good experience with behaviour at my children's (multiple) state schools... and terrible with the (single) private school. Unfortunately private schools spend a great deal of time and effort on PR and how they present the school to prospective parents, and sometimes rather less on actually dealing with issues. Couple this with less robust routes to complain etc. and you can run into intractable issues. I doubt it will change but you might be able to put enough pressure on them to move your daughter to the other form...

Hi Op
what was the outcome?

Teacher with poor classroom management skills.
I’ve taught in both a prep school ( just the one) and many state schools, some in really deprived areas, in behavioural units and even in a secure unit. I expect to show and receive the same level of respect and behaviour from all children. I won’t tolerate a rowdy classroom or kids that prevent others from learning. I tell them that on day one and it worked for 20 odd years.
Headteacher needs to start doing some supervision with their staff.

Hello, I did speak to the teacher to find out if the classroom is as rowdy as DD was saying. She confirmed that it does get loud as they encourage the girls to share their ideas but that a lot of the girls are still learning to put their hands up before answering and it's something they are working on.

DD has said that the teachers have got tougher lately and sometimes they shout and discipline the girls. There weren't any more serious incidents lately and DD does seem happier. I think a few parents were called in, perhaps the school did take some action.

Glad to hear your daughter is feeling happier

It is perfectly possible that the main class teacher is not very good with discipline. Practically speaking, politely raise concerns with the school. You’ll probably have to do this a few times. If things don’t improve, write a formal letter of complaint and demand a formal response outlining strategies they are employing going forward. Request a meeting to discuss it and ask the school for a deadline for seeing tangible improvements. Log everything.

Sorry to break it to you but as an experienced teacher I can assure you the behaviour is no better in private than state . I found in private that leaders were solely focused on keeping parents happy which was leading to increasingly challenging behaviour when I left.