How to go to the pub poor - Advice please

[LylaLee]

I'm in a hobby group with lovely people. One is leaving so we are going to the pub on Friday.

Problem 1: I've never really been to the pub with a group and I don't know the etiquette.
Problem 2: I've probably got about £10 max to spend (not London, £10 should cover two drinks).

I was planning on just nursing a glass of wine and a glass of coke or something.

But we were talking about it last night, and someone said something like 'On Friday Steve's getting the first round!'

I can't afford to buy a round for +- ten people.

I don't want to accept a round then not reciprocate.

I suppose I could walk up to the bar and buy my own single drink, but I don't know how to do that without being rude.

I could walk in, order a drink, then find their table, but that would be rude too.

Please help.

Just be honest. Say your sorry uou can't run to buying drinks so they should count you out & you'll buy your own

I’d just be honest and say you can’t do rounds so you’ll buy your own. I don’t think anyone can be funny about that. I think you’ll find others might even do the same if you say it.

It's fine and you won't be the only one. There might be someone who suggests breaking into groups - no alcohol / alcohol together, wine together, pints together. It's not likely that many will want to get in a round of 10. But the easiest is to state clearly as soon as you go in, "I'm just having one or two max, so won't get in a round." You won't be the only person doing that, and don't need to say any more. Enjoy!

You just say leave me out of the round, I'm not drinking much so I'll just get my own. Fairly normal for someone to do that, in my experience. You might get someone who wants to buy you one anyway, with no expectation of reciprocity. If you're not comfortable with that, just say no it's OK because you don't drink a lot.

Loads of people will feel the same, 10 drinks is expensive and I couldn’t drink ten drinks either, I’d be weeing all night

It's fine, no need to worry! You can simply say 'no thanks, I won't get into a round as I've only got cash for a couple of drinks'. Or just say 'ooh that's lovely of you but I'm only having the one' if you're private about money.

Best to be up front then you won't inadvertently look tight fisted. I feel your pain, I'd never been inside a pub before uni.

it is difficult and depends how well you know these people
the 'rounds' culture is IMO very unhealthy and leads to all kinds of problems, including the one you mention
however, the 'X is getting the first round!' thing is sometimes just a joke, say if the person has just got a rise or something
Most people will accept it if you just say 'sorry everyone I'm a bit strapped for cash, I'll just get my own thanks'
if for cultural reasons you are not familiar with pub culture you are more likely to be excused/understood if you don't 'get it'
but if you are a white, british born male you will get more grief I suspect

This

It's not at all weird to say you'll just get your own.

I would be honest, say that I was skint and needed to pay for my own !

If someone is an asshole they will moan about that and you not need bother turning up to one of their pub sessions again.

If they are kind and understanding then they will be fine with it.

If I was Steve I would just be very pleased that you turned up to say goodbye.

Thank you.

Should I put it in the group chat? Like on Thursday. Or would that be odd? I'm not sure how I would say it in person. I can get a bit anxious. I know everyone and their dog is neurodiverse but I have reason to believe I am, and I find unfamiliar interactions difficult.

I doubt there'll be rounds - 10+ people is a lot for anyone to buy for. Steve might get a round in for the first drink but then most people will buy their own.

If there are rounds, just say "Count me out, I'll get my own, thank you".

Absolutely nursing a wine and a Coke is fine. I never ever ever drink in pubs, always just a diet coke for me. It's totally fine.

I don't like buying rounds as I can't drink as much as others and it often ends up costing me a lot more money than the two drinks I'd have happily had. For that reason, if someone is offering to buy a round of drinks, I politely thank them and refuse, saying I'm happy to get my own as I won't be drinking too much.

Super weird to put it in the group chat.

If a round or groups are being organised, all you have to say is "Count me out, thank you. I'm not sure how long I'll stay so I'll get my own. Thanks though". Someone might say "Are you sure?". You just say "Yes, honest, thank you".

If someone is a twat and then actually gets you a drink in their round just accept it but absolutely don't feel pressured to offer a round back at any point.

Yeah don't put it in the group chat!

This post is spot on.

You just have to say - I don't drink in rounds, thanks.

I've done it loads of times. Because I don't drink as much as those that like to drink in rounds do.

If money is tight soda is your friend. A small wine topped up with soda lasts much longer, especially if you have it with ice, and lime and soda is very cheap. Nobody will care if you're not able to but rounds. Have fun.

If money is tight just order yourself a large soda water. They're usually free or they charge a nominal amount.

People won’t be drinking 10 drinks, if its just a drink after your hobby. Sounds like Steve is going to get the first one and some people will head off after one. Some might go in to smaller rounds, someone else might offer you another one. Just go with the flow and say ‘I’ll just get my own, I’m a bit skint this month’ someone will say ‘oh don’t worry I’ll get you one!’ Or just dash to the bar and buy your own. Just be sure to make a point of thanking Steve and whoever else buys you one.

Lime and Sid's is your friend if money is tight, it's 60p Gerry

Do you just ask for 'white wine and soda?'

Is it an obvious 'I'm poor!' drink?

Is it like going out for dinner then saying, 'I'll just eat the free bread, thanks.'?

Do this OP.

I don't really drink, often times I've only had tap water, sometimes tonic water or orange juice.
I'm clear with people, and nurse my one water forever as can't be bothered to go back to the bar

No it’s a white wine spritzer plenty of people drink that as their actually drink not because they can’t afford one. I haven’t been out much since covid and went for a meal and drinks recently. I felt the way u do now because it’s. like I had forgotten how it all goes and was panicking over how the bill would be split etc. It was absolutely fine, I spent what I could afford and we all paid our own way. Nobody batted an eye.

Lime and soda got me through my skint decade in the 90s.

Used to cost 40p. I could nurse two for a whole evening.

Don't make a big fuss about it, it really doesn't need you to say anything at all. Just go to the bar and order your own drink. If someone asks you "what are you drinking ?" Just say "oh it's ok I'lol get my own"
I doubt everyone will want to take place in buying rounds, especially non-drinkers as it ends up really expensive. And they are probably just joking about it anyway, it's a very common thing to say "first round's on you haha". I think buying rounds has become a lot less common as more people drive or just have soft drinks.
you are definitely making this into far more than it needs to be. Nobody will give a seconds thought to you not taking part in rounds.

Agree with being upfront. Just say when you arrive you'll get your own as you're skint/don't want to get into rounds/will only have a couple. Lots of people hate big rounds and they won't have 10 drinks.
Lime and soda is nice and cheap for a soft drink. I often start with one as the first drink always goes down too quickly! Then have your glass of wine or white wine spritzer.