Should I change my DS' name spelling? WWYD?

[Aimee1983]

We have 4 year old with a lovely name. The name has two spellings and we have gone with the less usual spelling because it's more in keeping with the child's ancestral roots. Think along the lines or Mark/Marc or John/Jon etc, so nothing crazy. The issues that we're having are:

1. The name needs to be spelled out every time as people naturally would reach for a more usual version.
2. I noticed that native English speakers tend to get letters mixed up in the name when reading it for the first time, although it reads as it's written and it really short! I believe there would not be this confusion if the name was spelt in a more usual form.
3. Every time we get a card or an invite from neighbours, acquaintances, work colleagues etc. it has the usual spelling.
4. Autocorrect doesn't recognise this version, which is fine with me, but whenever someone will type his name now or when he's older (thinking mates, work colleagues etc.) the name will be unrecognised or autocorrected into something else.
5. The last name is already long and needs spelling out, so it's the first and the last name that needs spelling out.
6. The DS is now learning to write and read and said he prefers the usual spelling - must have been some older kids at school who told him about the alternative spelling.
7. Whilst the current spelling is more in keeping with the family roots, DS doesn't speak that language and is unlikely to live in that region.

I'm thinking if we are to change the spelling, then best do it sooner rather than later, before DS accumulates lots of mementos with the current spelling. WWYD?

BTW, I have a foreign name myself and changed the spelling by deed poll years ago, because it was impossible to read it out correctly in English. I still need to spell it every time and a lot of people struggle to pronounce it, so I use a short version for work and friends and tell people my name is Anna or Amy in a Starbucks type of queue. I find this a bit of a faff and want to make my son's life easier.

If DS himself is keen to change it I would go for it.

I would keep the spelling. Does it really matter if people spell it wrong occasionally? Most forms are online now and will be increasingly so as he gets older.

My DD has a name that can be legitimately spelled 3 ways (think Katherine/Catherine/Kathryn) and it's not really a problem. I chose the version she has for a reason.

People will get used to it bit by bit. Many people have truly difficult names and eventually people get it.

My relative is called Shelagh and she has had no trouble making sure people knew the right spelling.

My hairdresser has a name from Lithuania that I can't pronounce and she said that at college she anglicised it so that people could spell it and say it clearly. I found that very sad. I said to her, I might not be able to say it now but if I practiced I'd learn how to say it properly. I think people shouldn't have to change their name to fit in.

I would keep it if it has a personal connection to ancestral roots.

I have a child with an unusual name, and we always have to spell it out, it has two spelling variations to complicate things, both legitimate. But my other child has a more common, well known, name and we still have to spell it out and occasionally receive cards with an incorrect spelling.

I hung on to the unusual spelling of my name and its shortening-then I suddenly thought "You know-this is a pain in the neck I don't need!" and changed the shortening-which is the name I always go by. Because the difficulty is the first letter, I kept that for official things. I wish I had done it earlier- it was just stubbornness that kept me so long. So yes, change it. Or just accept both spellings. I would have done that except that mine was a very unusual spelling indeed.

My children have names from their heritage that have more common versions. You just need to practice with them a quick phrase on how to spell it and a brief, positive explanation (e.g. my grandma was French). They don’t like feeling different and not really knowing why, but it’s a phase that will pass. Your four year old’s idea on spelling is a construction site at the moment and you can help him feel positive about the other spelling too.

With roots to the original spelling I would keep it.

I’d keep the name and wouldn’t have changed my own name either.
saying that as a foreign national too who has the same issues than you re my name. And dc1 has the same issue with his name (slightly different spelling of his name in English and in my own language).

The issue here are people being xenophobic/racist. Not the spelling of your child’s name - you just have to look at the huge number if threads on here re names with unusual spelling to know people just get used to it.

Remember it's a faff to have formally changed it, too. It will not change on his birth certificate, so he'll have to explain the change his whole life and back it up with paperwork. I think the least bad way forwards is to keep it as it is, and be relaxed about it.

My daughters name is spelt in a way that works phonetically in Welsh (as we are Welsh). Think Hana instead of Hannah. She does get her name spelt wrong a few times but knows to correct people and I’m glad we’ve stuck with the spelling we have.

"The issue here are people being xenophobic/racist. Not the spelling of your child’s name"

I don't necessarily agree. It certainly wasn't true in my case. My name has a pretty universal spelling in English and I sound English. There is no way anyone in England, where I live and work, would think to ask how to spell it.

I would keep it as is. It's nice to have a unique name and one day he will appreciate it (if he truly doesn't, he can change it himself).

Fwiw, I have the most ordinary white middle class sounding name that only has one typical spelling. People still misspell it. They still have to ask me how to spell it. They still mispronounce it. They still call me another completely random name. 😂

If it is something like Jacques/Jack, keep the original on the birth certificate and use Jack on a day-to-day basis.

I have a name that never caused any problems, no-one had a problem spelling it, but a few people would pronounce it another way.

Until I picked up a prescription this year and it was very creatively re-created on the label. I don't know if it was the GP that did it or the pharmacist. It concerned me a bit when I thought it over.

I would take the easiest option because these days once someone programs it in wrongly it will cause endless confusion, and they will.

Edited for typo.

I also find it sad and totally agree.

My DC has an accent as the name reflects their heritage and the language they will speak - ya know, in addition to English which some struggle to see beyond. It wasn’t simply a stylistic choice! 😂 People told me to avoid it to not only make life easier for DC (fair enough) but other people. But it’s the spelling of a name in a language and accents will essentially change how a name sounds. It’s sad to change the actual spelling to accommodate other people. Especially when my DC’s family would then add the accent (as it’s correct) so it’ll be wrong either way and they could/will actually live in the country where the name and spelling is more common one day. I’m not precious about an accent being dropped in the UK though, but I’m not omitting it from a birth certificate.

Names are important and it’s so ignorant when people try harder to get them right, whether in pronunciation or spelling. If I struggle with a pronunciation, I ask how it’s spelled and even write it down phonetically to remember if it’s really unfamiliar to me and it’s someone who I’ll need to talk to regularly like a colleague.

It’s ignorant when people DON’T try harder to get names right I meant.

Given you have a connection to your chosen spelling, I'd keep it.

DC is only young at the moment, and as they get older if their peers can pronounce the names of international football players and historical figures then they can learn to pronounce/spell your child's name too. It just requires some effort.

Yeah, I know a child this age who would change his name to Spider-Man if he could.

@mindutopia oh bless, your fwiw made me chuckle. Thank you for sharing.

DS' name is still unusual, but there are/were a couple of fairly well known people with that name and they have/had the "usual" spelling.

We found it really hard to decide on the spelling from the start. We decided on the name as soon as we knew the baby's sex, but have been agonising over spelling since then. I think if we'd gone with the "usual" spelling I wouldn't have given it a second though since then.

I can't help feeling that changing the spelling would be acquiescing to a peculiarly English attitude of 'why can't everyone else just do it the English way?' It's a shame to reduce diversity rather than maintaining it - and I can't help thinking that's especially so given there's little contact to the spelling's roots incorporated into his life.

FWIW I have a name that's as English as a cup of stewed Tetley, but has several (equally English) variants - I was constantly being called the wrong one growing up. My daughter (we live in Germany) has an English name, phonetically easy for German speakers, that has a German variant. She gets called the German variant on occasion. She corrects them and they remember.

@Kiki880 , some people have no aptitude or ear for languages. It's not necessarily ignorance.

If the letters or sounds aren't familiar to you, you might not have a clue how to say them.

The name Świętosław might be an example.

I wouldn't change it. There are a few variations of my name, and also a few things that sound sort of similar to it. Unless it is something important I let people go with the wrong spelling. But I like that I have a less common, if not unusual name

I don't think it's a peculiarly English attitude. IME every country thinks this way! The French for sure think everything should be the French way, for example! I think that's all a bit of a red herring - lots of people (like you) with English names have the same trouble and you just have to have a stiff upper lip (or international equivalent!) and get on with it.

Keep the original spelling! It’s your son’s and it connected to his heritage. There are just some people who will always get spellings wrong. As an example, one of my DS has a name spelt at least two ways but we chose the most common way - simple, right? No because a small number of people persist in spelling it wrong card after card, even when they can see how I’ve written it.

When you give the spelling, give a reason and/or a mnemonic, eg “it’s q not k because it’s French”, “it sounds like Kate but is spelt C-A-I-T”, “it’s pronounced xxxx to rhyme with {common English word}”.