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Original poster

Ds is is 3 years behinde.

46 replies

Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 18:16

Ds has autism and learning difficulties. He has an ehcp.

Hes in year 4 but working at year 1 level. He is 8 his brother is 7. Ds is starting become more awear and getting really upset.

I was just wondering if there's anything I can do /say that might make him feel better.

OP posts:
theworldiswarmingup · 13/11/2023 18:29

Lots of famous people struggled at school before they found their passion. Einstein is one of the most well-known geniuses, but he dropped out of school at 15. Walt Disney had ADHD, struggled in school, and was bullied. Despite that, he was an amazing animator, won 22 Academy Awards and created some of the most famous characters in the film. Walt Disney's determination and talent helped him achieve great things in life. Henry Ford was one of the most successful businessmen of the 20th century. He is best known for establishing the Ford Motor Company, but he also left school at 15. He found he was talented at mechanical engineering and progressed quickly in engineering before starting the Ford company, which became famous all round the world.

Butteredtoast55 · 13/11/2023 18:38

Make sure he knows that he's appreciated for who he is (which I'm sure you do 😊) Celebrate every small step in his attainment, be proud of every little bit of progress and tell him so.
Find his talents and passions - @theworldiswarmingup is right that some incredible people struggled with learning so tell him that.
Make sure he knows, at an age-appropriate level and as he becomes more aware, that his brain works differently so it's harder for him but he has so much to offer. I hope you've got a good SENDCo who can guide you with this as, for some children, knowing their own needs and differences is like lifting a weight off their shoulders. It helps them understand it's not their fault and explains how they're feeling, especially for children with ADHD or autism.

Gro · 13/11/2023 18:42

Is he in mainstream or special school?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

8 year olds Primary education SEN
Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 19:02

theworldiswarmingup · 13/11/2023 18:29

Lots of famous people struggled at school before they found their passion. Einstein is one of the most well-known geniuses, but he dropped out of school at 15. Walt Disney had ADHD, struggled in school, and was bullied. Despite that, he was an amazing animator, won 22 Academy Awards and created some of the most famous characters in the film. Walt Disney's determination and talent helped him achieve great things in life. Henry Ford was one of the most successful businessmen of the 20th century. He is best known for establishing the Ford Motor Company, but he also left school at 15. He found he was talented at mechanical engineering and progressed quickly in engineering before starting the Ford company, which became famous all round the world.

Thank you. But he would not understand any of this sadly.

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 13/11/2023 19:05

With both your son's, praise effort rather than achievement. So " you really worked hard to learn those spellings" ( regardless of their score) or, "I liked the way you concentrated on your reading today.". They will both benefit from this.

Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 19:07

Butteredtoast55 · 13/11/2023 18:38

Make sure he knows that he's appreciated for who he is (which I'm sure you do 😊) Celebrate every small step in his attainment, be proud of every little bit of progress and tell him so.
Find his talents and passions - @theworldiswarmingup is right that some incredible people struggled with learning so tell him that.
Make sure he knows, at an age-appropriate level and as he becomes more aware, that his brain works differently so it's harder for him but he has so much to offer. I hope you've got a good SENDCo who can guide you with this as, for some children, knowing their own needs and differences is like lifting a weight off their shoulders. It helps them understand it's not their fault and explains how they're feeling, especially for children with ADHD or autism.

Yes really try and tell him how fantastic he is. I told him some people are good at numbers and writing. Other people are super good at drawering ,coloring etc . I think he needs his confidence building

OP posts:
Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 19:08

Gro · 13/11/2023 18:42

Is he in mainstream or special school?

Hes in mainstream

OP posts:
clareykb · 13/11/2023 19:09

Has he got any hobbies that he is good at or can find some he would enjoy. Dd has autism and is behind in some areas but is a brilliant dancer, performs in shows etc because she is great at copying! She also loves Brownies and has lots of badges, both these have boosted her self esteem

Gro · 13/11/2023 19:15

I would consider looking at special schools. Where he will have a peer group and be around other children like him. It is horrible being the odd one out.

noisyfrodge · 13/11/2023 19:16

I took mine out, for various reasons but the pressure of not being 'as able' was undeniably damaging. He is now much happier and I don't do any curriculum based education with him at all.

Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 19:19

Gro · 13/11/2023 19:15

I would consider looking at special schools. Where he will have a peer group and be around other children like him. It is horrible being the odd one out.

I'm not doing that. He loves school and his friends .it would mess him up mentally and emotionally

OP posts:
LegendsBeyond · 13/11/2023 19:23

theworldiswarmingup · 13/11/2023 18:29

Lots of famous people struggled at school before they found their passion. Einstein is one of the most well-known geniuses, but he dropped out of school at 15. Walt Disney had ADHD, struggled in school, and was bullied. Despite that, he was an amazing animator, won 22 Academy Awards and created some of the most famous characters in the film. Walt Disney's determination and talent helped him achieve great things in life. Henry Ford was one of the most successful businessmen of the 20th century. He is best known for establishing the Ford Motor Company, but he also left school at 15. He found he was talented at mechanical engineering and progressed quickly in engineering before starting the Ford company, which became famous all round the world.

A child working at Year 1 level isn’t going to understand this though.

Focus on his strengths OP. What is he good at? What does he enjoy? Give him lots of opportunities to be successful at these things and praise him. I agree that if he is managing mainstream & has friends, there are lots of benefits to staying there.

Octavia64 · 13/11/2023 19:24

There are various books around that are usually for ks1 children on the theme of everybody's different and that's ok.

Giraffes can't dance is generally the one that I use, but there are quite a lot of others.

What he needs to know is that YOU value him and you value his achievements.

I am objectively high achieving but it was never enough for my parents.

If you make clear that you value him for who he is, and you value him for being kind and you value him for trying his best then he will feel accepted.

Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 19:24

clareykb · 13/11/2023 19:09

Has he got any hobbies that he is good at or can find some he would enjoy. Dd has autism and is behind in some areas but is a brilliant dancer, performs in shows etc because she is great at copying! She also loves Brownies and has lots of badges, both these have boosted her self esteem

Not really to be honest . He gos swimming with his dad once a fortnight. And weekly with school but he does not like school swimming. He likes drawing/art but he likes to do it on his own.

He lives play station but he only had that at his dad's otherwise he would be on it to much.

OP posts:
gotomomo · 13/11/2023 19:27

Aged 11 my dd achieved a level 2 in English, that's 4 years behind. But something clicked, around age 12, she passed GCSEs well, a levels really well, degree....

Those with learning differences can take their time but many catch up

Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 19:34

LegendsBeyond · 13/11/2023 19:23

A child working at Year 1 level isn’t going to understand this though.

Focus on his strengths OP. What is he good at? What does he enjoy? Give him lots of opportunities to be successful at these things and praise him. I agree that if he is managing mainstream & has friends, there are lots of benefits to staying there.

Show quote history

I think your right. He likes art type stuff. I think things where he does not have to struggle but can still achieve. I will ho to the shops tomorrow and get him some new stuff Just a big mix of things.

Yes he loves his school. Few kids take him under their wing kind of thing. And stand up for him. As a family we have used the school for 18 years. So I would not move him unless it was right for him.

OP posts:
Whiskerson · 13/11/2023 19:44

I think the trouble with the Einstein and Walt Disney stories is... It feels like a lot of pressure! Like, not only are you struggling with things your younger brother has sailed through, but now there's the expectation that you should power through it and win a Nobel prize! I think you're right, OP, to emphasise that children are loved and special because of the unique people they are, regardless of school achievements.

Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 20:11

Whiskerson · 13/11/2023 19:44

I think the trouble with the Einstein and Walt Disney stories is... It feels like a lot of pressure! Like, not only are you struggling with things your younger brother has sailed through, but now there's the expectation that you should power through it and win a Nobel prize! I think you're right, OP, to emphasise that children are loved and special because of the unique people they are, regardless of school achievements.

Yes I think that's how it feels . Feels like that to me to, but I did not know how to explain. I have learning difficulties myself. And I have to ask my teen dd how to spell things and sometimes the meaning of things as well. I explained to ds but he does not really understand.

I think I will just work on the things that make him happy to build his confidence.

OP posts:
Duebug · 13/11/2023 20:28

A specialist school for children with special educational requirements sounds like the best option.

I myself was a child who needed to attend one due to learning difficulties and autism from 10 years old and I can tell you right off the bat, I would not have gotten a single qualification if I carried on at mainstream school. I couldn’t write legibly until I was 11 and only learnt because the school I was moved to specialised in teaching kids like your DS.

Friendships come and go at 8 and although it would be a hard transition he will make new friends and have a trained team to staff to support him. You need to be thinking about his future and independence.
Not even accounting for the bullying he’s going to experience when he gets a bit older and kids get more prejudiced towards people different from them. That type of behaviour festers in mainstream schools and kids will not want to take him under their wing when they have their own teenage issues to deal with.

All in all, mainstream schools are build to suit the needs of neurotypical students, and your DS does not fit that and it’s clearly not working out for him.

sorry for any typos and the inevitable bluntness of this post.

Whiskerson · 13/11/2023 20:44

Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 20:11

Yes I think that's how it feels . Feels like that to me to, but I did not know how to explain. I have learning difficulties myself. And I have to ask my teen dd how to spell things and sometimes the meaning of things as well. I explained to ds but he does not really understand.

I think I will just work on the things that make him happy to build his confidence.

Show quote history

I'm glad that helped. Wishing you and your son all the best!

Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 20:56

Duebug · 13/11/2023 20:28

A specialist school for children with special educational requirements sounds like the best option.

I myself was a child who needed to attend one due to learning difficulties and autism from 10 years old and I can tell you right off the bat, I would not have gotten a single qualification if I carried on at mainstream school. I couldn’t write legibly until I was 11 and only learnt because the school I was moved to specialised in teaching kids like your DS.

Friendships come and go at 8 and although it would be a hard transition he will make new friends and have a trained team to staff to support him. You need to be thinking about his future and independence.
Not even accounting for the bullying he’s going to experience when he gets a bit older and kids get more prejudiced towards people different from them. That type of behaviour festers in mainstream schools and kids will not want to take him under their wing when they have their own teenage issues to deal with.

All in all, mainstream schools are build to suit the needs of neurotypical students, and your DS does not fit that and it’s clearly not working out for him.

sorry for any typos and the inevitable bluntness of this post.

I get what you mean. When he's getting ready for secondary I will look at things again.

I understand it may have Been right for you . But everyone is different. And at the moment I don't feel its right for him.

OP posts:
ABCXYZ17 · 13/11/2023 21:01

To be working at Y1 at his age is hard. I agree with PP that when it comes to secondary school you should really look at a more specialist provision. Main stream schools are not set up to teach pupils who are that far behind. He will not be able to access the work at all and will end up in groups away from his friends.

MyWetFlannel · 13/11/2023 21:03

My son has aspergers and struggled all through school, getting put into special groups and even missing school entirely for three years at one point. He's always struggled. But now at age 19 he's engaging, going to the local college and doing computer science which might eventually help him get a job. Some children are behind where they should be, some children take longer to mature but i believe all children can achieve OP, just when they are ready to. And just to add, and just remember, an encouraging parent is so valuable and so precious to a special needs child. Just encourage your child and tell them they are doing great, and gets some ideas on how they can develope....gentle praise and encouragement us with so much.

Original poster
Ds888888 · 13/11/2023 21:06

ABCXYZ17 · 13/11/2023 21:01

To be working at Y1 at his age is hard. I agree with PP that when it comes to secondary school you should really look at a more specialist provision. Main stream schools are not set up to teach pupils who are that far behind. He will not be able to access the work at all and will end up in groups away from his friends.

Yes totally agree. I think its a whole knew thing once at secondary. Although there is a main stream secondary near me that does have a special needs department. It's like a SEN school within a mainstream. I'm not entirely sure how that looks though so will look at all options.

OP posts:
Mischance · 13/11/2023 21:17

Please remember that he is at the right level of learning FOR HIM. He is simply who he is and a valuable fellow human being. There is no objective level that he should be at ... he has to be himself. His achievements are no less valuable than any other child's. They are his achievements and deserving of pride and praise.