Sick of guilt, i didn't cared enough for my daughters teeth

[SillyKitty]

I'm being honest here and i feel like crap about it (and i know i should).

I have a daughter who is 9 now and i take good care for her teeth now, but sadly this hasn't always be the case. I always used to brush my teeth once a day, in the evening. For the most part because i'm lazy about it. I don't know where it was going wrong, but at some point i let my daughter also brush her teeth only in the evening. Also she brushed her teeth by herself at the age of 5/6. My dentist told me later kids need to be helped till they are ten years old(and i feel really stupid for not knowing this). First this routine worked great for her. She had no cavities in het babyteeth. By the age of 6 she changed some babyteeth into permanent teeth. Obviously this routine didn't work for her permanent teeth, because she soon had 2 cavities. After she had them filled i immediately started to take care of her teeth. I was shocked and filled with guilt. I really wanted to do things right. Despite of this she had another cavity next visit. She is 9 and already has 3 fillings in her permanent teeth and quite frankly, i'm feeling sick of guilt. The last couple of visits at the dentist are going ok, so it seems we have it under control now. She needs braces and i'm already looking for the best orthontic in town. I want to give her the best smile and teeth i can give. I know i can't change the past and have to look to the future, but i just can't get past this. I think about it every day.

So please mommy's, take care of your child s teeth. You will regret it if you don't.

Thank you for this. I'm guilty of letting DS6 brush his own teeth when I'm busy and I need to get better at having a brush round after he's done them. Had no idea it was recommended to do that until they're 10.

Thank you for sharing your story, I’m also guilty of letting my 9 year old brush their own teeth sometimes, so will make sure I’m extra vigilant now.

As for your guilt, please forgive yourself. When you know better, you do better. You sound like you’re taking amazing care of her teeth now.

I read very mixed things about when kids should be able to brush their own teeth. Some dentist say it's when they can tie their shoes, others say 7/8 years old and my dentist told me that i should brush untill they are ten years old.

It's worth investing in an electric toothbrush. Makes it much easier for children to do a good job with teeth cleaning.

They can brush before 10, it’s more that most kids don’t enjoy tooth brushing so they skip it or do a couple quick brushes and don’t do a thorough brushing of all their teeth. it’s not about a specific age but when your child knows how brush properly for a thorough brushing and is responsible and going to do it without supervision. Older than ten for some kids.

I can relate to your post. You're not alone in feeling guilty over this.

Try not to feel awful. You did something that wasn’t great, you realised and changed your behaviour-that’s about the best anyone can claim.

Well you are on top of things now and there is no point in giving yourself a hard time. Advances in dentistry are on going and at some point there may be a better substance her fillings can be replaced with. As has been said though, if she doesn't already use one then move her to a rechargeable for when she is at home anyway. I was a child of the 1960's and dental care was abysmal. Plus my parents made no effort other than say brush etc. Consequently I had extractions and fillings as a child. My own children received much better care. That was at a time when they were given fluoride which supposedly 'hardened' the teeth.
Not everybody has hard teeth you know. Some people have a softer variety. Don't despair, just keep moving forward with it.

I'm sorry that must feel horrible. But you've educated me tonight and made me recommit to ensuring ours brush morning and night for at least two mins!

I don't think you need to brush them your self until they are 10 but certainly supervision and a bit of encouragement until around that age is a very good idea as many kids will do the most basic of brushing and certainly not the recommended 2 minutes thorough clean.
And yes twice a day.

You should brush them until you trust the child to wash their hair independently. It’s so important.

The electric toothbrush really helps with making sure you brush long enough as it tells you when the 2mins are up. Without this I’d always guess that the 2mins was shorter than it is.

I have a 4 year old and I struggle to brush her teeth for more than a minute, never mind two minutes. She hates it.

Our dentist said (for younger child) it’s not so much brushing every tooth or length of time that’s important, more that every tooth is coated properly in fluoride toothpaste. If only once a day then evening as that’s the higher risk time. Also recommended a electric toothbrush.

Electric toothbrush. And no fizzy drinks. Try to stop them eating so many sweets

I recommend a light up tooth brush, flashes like mad for 2 minutes. My DS 5 loves the flashing light.

Our dentist advised letting them brush first then you finish off. Rinsing not necessary, however I realised a quick rinse before brushing helps.

My oldest is almost 5 and we got an electric brush for him last year after I got one and it made a huge difference to how my teeth were feeling - dentist also finally put me down to 12 month checkups instead of 6. I don't trust him to do them alone though, he would rush and miss parts for sure. But it does add in some reassurance and I let him finish them up himself as practice.

At least you have realised now OP.
In the 70s we didn't even have a toothbrush each...we werent taught to brush our teeth as kids...mother had her top set out in her 30s.
I see it as neglect on her part tbh...i suffered and still suffer with my teeth, im 51. I have paid a lot of money to correct some of the damage but the damage was done... caps..fillings the lot. Luckily i stepped into a dentist myself at 14 and started going alone with signed permission initially. The damage was done at that age.
You haven't waited that long so dont worry so.
My daughter though....i made her brush her teeth 3x day. She has never had a cavity because i didnt want her to suffer with dental pain all her life. Her teeth at 33 years old are beautiful.
Just keep up the twice a day...3 if eating sweets, fruits etc

This.
FWIW I don't brush my 7 year old's teeth. He has done it himself from age 5 and I stopped supervising at about 6,5. But he isn't allowed juice or a lot of sugar and we do have strong teeth in the family (my gran has all of hers until 91!)

Don't feel too awful, so much is genetics and out of your hands anyway.

My kids all have electric toothbrushes, and I remind them to brush twice a day, but they've done their own from about 7. I don't floss (am about to start!) and at 42 have no decay, no fillings, never needed anything doing and neither have the kids.

I have friends who are so much more careful and have needed loads of work. I'm sure genes have a lot to do with it.

You're doing better now, you can't change the past.

Hi OP, I know plenty of kids (including my own DC) who brushed their own teeth from a young age but have a perfect smile, so don’t worry about that.

What I can say from my own experience is that it’s more the parent’s attitude about brushing that will inform the kid’s general oral hygiene. I was taught (probably by my mum) to brush my teeth, and I used to brush my teeth by myself. The dentist would always praise my perfectly clean white little teeth. Same for my sibling and their teeth is very noticeably clean even now.

Then one night when I was 8 I remember my dad telling me (other sibling wasn’t around) it’s okay to skip a day every now and then, which was a big shock for me. Oddly enough from that one sentence, I began to skip days here and there, and get less thorough even when I brushed. My oral hygiene went way downhill (just 1 cavity but yellow teeth). Actually my dad wasn’t wrong, we brush 2x a day so missing 1x would still be brushing once a day, but I guess children are very impressionable and literal.

So I think it’s more likely that your DD was influenced by your laissez faire approach to brushing rather than lack of hands on aid, so don’t be discouraged and you can change that.

It's three fillings. You really don't need to feel this guilty about it. Fillings are really not the end of the world. I am 50 and practically all my teeth are filled (and I had loads of fillings even back in primary school) and I still have all of my teeth! The fillings make no difference aesthetically or to their functionally.

I didn't supervise my son's brushing after about aged 5/6 from memory. He was doing his own brushing way before that. Once he could do it himself I just reminded him. And I wouldn't have stressed about the odd missed tooth clean. I certainly was NOT supervising at aged 10 and he doesn't have any fillings at all. And he's mid twenties now.

So I do think there's some luck of the draw and some genetics involved. Obviously the better you can look after your teeth the better they will be, but the fillings may have happened anyway.

As an example, my DH has impeccable oral hygiene but is having loads of gum disease issues due to genetics (according to his dentist). His Mum also lost most of her teeth at a really young age so we suspect that's where the predisposition comes from. Sometimes this stuff happens and it's no-one's fault. Just do your best from now on and stop worrying about it.

My dentist told me not to rinse with water afterwards as it washes a lot of fluoride away.

Thanks for the warning OP. I’m slack about morning brushing for my DC.

You’ve got it under control and that’s all that matters. With braces they need to be super careful with brushing. They adjust them a lot so if they think there is a problem with brushing then you’ll know quickly.
Don’t feel bad it’s really just one of those things.