Humiliated hairdresser. WWYD as not sure how to fix this.

[Eastie77Returns]

A few weeks ago I visited a new hairdresser. My usual one is great but this new lady does a particular style that looks really good and I wanted to try a new look.

The hair itself was done expertly and to a really high standard but once she had finished I realised it just didn’t suit me. There wasn’t any way I could ask her to fix it. Just for context it was type of style very specific to my hair type (I am not white) and was not a hair cut so not something that can be grown out or reshaped.

By the time she had finished the salon was empty apart from us and the owner. I should add it took her 8 hours (I was expecting 2-3 max) and I couldn’t face telling her the truth after she’d spent so long on my hair.

I paid and thanked her and thought I would just try and get used to the style. However I became increasingly upset each time I caught my reflection and after a few days I went to my usual hairdresser and got a new style. I also found out I would be presenting at a big corporate event in front of hundreds of people and couldn’t fathom getting up on stage like that.

The awkward thing is I bumped into the salon owner few days after my appt (totally unexpectedly, not close to the salon). She must have told the hairdresser as I then received a text from her stating that she knew I’d changed my hair, it was embarrassing for her to learn of this from her boss and why didn’t I just tell her I didn’t like it? She used the word humiliating. She is also related to an acquaintance of mine and I feel awful, not least because I see this acquaintance on a fairly frequent basis. I haven’t replied to her text and with each pasI don’t know what to say:(

Why on earth would you say all that. Particularly about recommending her. Thats just pandering to her & un necessary & a lie

Ok so 8 hrs is quite normal for black hairdressers. Also depending on where you live the community can be small and everyone will know if you changed your hair after 😭 and if you change hairdresser...we had similar with my niece and prom hair but styled it out blaming teenage moods.i would just message and say you loved it but couldn't get used to it but didn't want to offend her

PP going on about the time taken have obvs never had braids.

@Eastie77Returns I'd send a truthful but honest answer to explain.

After that, the hairdresser's feeling are on her.

@redglitter

I'd say 'all that' to simply try to be a good human.

Maybe the hairdresser is struggling with something.
It takes very little effort to simply be kind. I agree the customer did not need to justify her actions - but really it takes so little effort to send a quick text to reassure someone that appears to be very insecure.

Humans operate from the ego too often. I am guilty of it myself a lot. So I try to step back and think what the other person might be going through. It also diffuses the situation. Who needs angst ?

Just say it was a new style to you which you were excited to try. Unfortunately you ultimately decided it wasn't for you and got it changed. You appreciate the hours and expertise she spent doing it, there was nothing wrong with her work, it just wasn't the style for you.

That seems reasonable .

Very unprofessional. You do not need to explain yourself, but if you do wish to respond if it was me I would say that there was nothing wrong with the new hair do whatsoever, on reflection unfortunately it just did not suit you and you are as disappointed as the hairdresser is. It no way reflects her ability or work it is just one of those situations.

Not that you should have to explain but should you wish to just be honest and say she did a fantastic job but you realised it didn't suit you and thought you would get used to it but decided it wasn't for you and that it's no representation of the work she did

I don't think you owe an explanation, but, given the ties to someone else you know, and the fact you don't want to cause upset I would say

'I left the salon feeling happy as I told you, your work was lovely and you did a really skilled hairstyle on me! After a couple of days I couldn't get used to it with my face, but there was no other issue. Your work was very good. If I'm honest I felt awkward to come back and say I changed my mind and a bit embarrassed after only 2 days so I got it changed by someone else. If you had not done a good job I would have said, but I just changed my mind on the style after and was trying not to cause any offence'

I'm guessing it was braids, 8hrs is not unusual at all. Very time consuming work and I wouldn't have thought very easy to change much once it's done if OP didn't like the whole style.

You don't owe her an apology but I do understand wanting to smooth things over as there's a personal connection. Truth is it isn't the salon owner's or her bloody business. You could have been wearing a wig or change your hairstyle daily if you like.

Maybe something like ' I appreciated your work. It was to an excellent standard. I gave it a go for a few days as it was a big change but unfortunately it was not the right style for me. I had a public presentation and wanted to be wearing a style that suited on the day. Unfortunately this meant a complete change rather than a tweak. This was no reflection on your workmanship'.

I'd give her the timeline and facts so she knows you had the intention of giving a new style a chance rather than thinking 'what the hell has she done?'. This is just because you want to put things right re your friend. I wouldn't engage or placate further.

You mentioned that you aren’t white - if it was a protective style then the 8 hours is a bit of a red herring because plenty of those do just take that long.

That said, you paid for the hair, it wasn’t done a favour, so it’s up to you if you keep it or not afterwards, you don’t owe her a favour. Just tell her that it’s no reflection on her skills, the style just didn’t suit you, and you didn’t say anything at the time because you hoped it would grow on you but it didn’t.

That's a wise perspective and if we all felt this way it would be a better world that we live in.

This would be so easily sorted if you were just honest - you were given exactly what you asked for and it was really well done BUT it just didn't suit you.

Just tell her. No drama needed.

As she is friends with a close relative then it is reasonable to be overly nice and respond. I mean, at least you learnt you didn’t like the style!

PP have said it better but saying ‘you did a great job but I just couldn’t get used to it, so set in my ways, ha ha. Had to change it back to how it was but will def recommend you to others tho as it was so well executed. Thanks for your time, sorry it was wasted. ‘

Hi OP,

Ah what an awkward one. I'd just be honest - something like... you love her work but realised it didn't feel right on you which was a real shame after so much effort. It's no reflection on her or the quality of her work, just a gut feeling that was impossible to shift. You were just trying to be kind by not going back asking for it to be changed and save any embarrassment, and haven't said anything negative your experience with her to anyone, just that you had a change of heart. Unfortunately getting found out has made it all the more embarrassing. Would love to move on - lesson learned!

Doing something like this is probably over-compensating but you can leave on a moral high ground and know you've done everything right.

No need to say sorry as per PP, she was paid in full for her time, it wasn't wasted. Similarly no jokes or put downs at your own expense. Fine to reassure her but I would make politely clear that the style didn't work out so you changed it and that's that. It's business and she needs to accept that's the end of it.

Agee

Braids could definitely take this long especially with certain styles. The problem is, if you don’t have a strang jawline or features it can be really unflattering to the face, especially if it’s pulled back or something.

Personally, I would say the hair looked great, but it didn’t suit my personal face shape and add in a detail such as it made my cheeks/forehead/double chin look big and it was no disrespect to her at all.

My hair can definitely be a security blanket and there are times having out off my face makes me feel exposed.

Ah yes, this has happened to me with Crochet before as well! I remember feeling that I looked ridiculous and as if I had a really bad wig on. I love the versatility of my hair and different styles but have definitely had some mis-steps too😂

Nobody owes their hairdresser their private thoughts so you don't owe her a response!

Some very good suggestions on the wording of the text. I’ll send something along the lines of what has mentioned in several posts, that it was no reflection on her work.

It was a protective style which I knew would take longer but 8 hours…I didn’t anticipate that.

@Aurasauras think you’ve hit the nail on the head. The style sharply pulled away from my face and I just don’t have shape and strong jawline and cheekbones to support it. The result was extremely unflattering. I ended up wearing a headscarf for several days.

@Castlereagh Yeah there are only a couple of Black salons here so I guess word would get around:)