Humiliated hairdresser. WWYD as not sure how to fix this.

[Eastie77Returns]

A few weeks ago I visited a new hairdresser. My usual one is great but this new lady does a particular style that looks really good and I wanted to try a new look.

The hair itself was done expertly and to a really high standard but once she had finished I realised it just didn’t suit me. There wasn’t any way I could ask her to fix it. Just for context it was type of style very specific to my hair type (I am not white) and was not a hair cut so not something that can be grown out or reshaped.

By the time she had finished the salon was empty apart from us and the owner. I should add it took her 8 hours (I was expecting 2-3 max) and I couldn’t face telling her the truth after she’d spent so long on my hair.

I paid and thanked her and thought I would just try and get used to the style. However I became increasingly upset each time I caught my reflection and after a few days I went to my usual hairdresser and got a new style. I also found out I would be presenting at a big corporate event in front of hundreds of people and couldn’t fathom getting up on stage like that.

The awkward thing is I bumped into the salon owner few days after my appt (totally unexpectedly, not close to the salon). She must have told the hairdresser as I then received a text from her stating that she knew I’d changed my hair, it was embarrassing for her to learn of this from her boss and why didn’t I just tell her I didn’t like it? She used the word humiliating. She is also related to an acquaintance of mine and I feel awful, not least because I see this acquaintance on a fairly frequent basis. I haven’t replied to her text and with each pasI don’t know what to say:(

Ignore the message, it was hugely unprofessional and she shouldn’t have taken it personally. You easily could have liked it initially but decided you didn’t a couple of days later so the fact she’s taken it so personally is bonkers. Also, 8 hours?! That’s insane! You paid her so she hasn’t lost out and now you know to always stick with your usual stylist!

Don't reply.

She is likely to be a difficult character if she has looked up your number and sent you this. This type of person is best avoided.

Hmmm. Depends how much you want to appease things I guess. You don’t actually owe this person an answer at all, and that’s probably the path of least resistance. If you’re pissed off about it, you’d be well within your rights to challenge her on the potential GDPR breach of using your number like this (assuming she’s gone into the salon’s database to get it or similar). If you want to appease, I’d just be factual and say something like ‘I recognise the high standard of your work but on reflection, I decided that particular style wasn’t for me’ and leave it at that.

If it was me… it would be one of the first two options, depending on how annoying my day had been on the day she messaged me. But it depends on how you feel about the mutual acquaintance connection.

I’d be asking how she got your number and that was a massive data breech. I wouldn’t be replying anything other than that

Sounds as if it is her boss who has embarrassed & humiliated her.

I would do the same, without the "really sorry".

Was it not apparent 4 hours in that it wasn't going well?

Anyway I'd ignore. And go somewhere else. It's your hair.

You paid your money and left . It's your hair , your head , your decision , you could have chosen to go dip it in a puddle if you'd wanted !
Ignore her and don't go back .

I'd do that too!

I would just reply to say the hair do itself was very good and you had no complaints about her work, but you just felt it didn’t suit you and as you had to do a presentation in front of a large audience you decided to change it. If you knew someone looking for that style you’d still recommend her, so it was nothing personal.

Why do you need to 'fix' anything? Presumably you won't be going back to that hairdresser?

Regarding the number, she had it from the start as we were in direct contact with each other. She actually rents a space in the salon so is a freelance/independent worker. In that respect the salon owner isn't really her boss. I found out about her via her relative who directed me to her Instagram and I saw her on there. Her work looked (looks) great but unfortunately the style just didn't work for me at all. I felt sorry for her when she contacted me as she really sounded quite hurt and said all I needed to do was tell her I wasn't happy with it etc. But I appreciate her messaging me was actually quite inappropriate!

As she progressed I saw the style was not going to work. However telling her to stop at the point didn't seem like an option. It would have involved leaving with a half finished head or getting her to undo hours of work which, due to the style concerned, would have been painful. She also kept saying she was going to do xyz at the end which I thought would improve things.

I sat in the chair and just kept hoping something would happen to make it look better on me.

I feel that I need to respond and clear things up because her close relative is someone I see on a regular basis and she will be aware of this situation.

Bobsgettingitdone ·

It sounds like the hairdresser is very insecure - personally I'd tell her the truth and be kind.
Something like....
You did an incredible job with my hair; I cannot fault your talent. I thought I was ready for a change - but it was a step too far for me and I could not get used to it. Please do not take my actions as a reflection of your work - it's simply that I changed my mind and wasn't sure the style suited me. I wish you all the best and will certainly recommend you to others for the work you do.

This would be my response despite the fact she really shouldn’t be contacting you. I’d want to be kind because I know how I’d feel in her position. I’d love to know what she did that took 8 hours though but then I’m nosy.

Wow awkward. I think I would just say “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t your fault. You did an amazing job but I didn’t think the style suited me in the end. No hard feelings I hope”

Even though I know full well there’s hard feelings 😂

I’d use the ‘not a reflection on your work’ excuse suggested for a quiet life but she’s the one making things awkward.

You totally don't need to justify yourself. You paid her, you didn't write a bad review etc etc. You wear your hair every day and so it is important.

Oh @Eastie77Returns you sound so very sweet and the stylist shouldn't have contacted you in that way. Now, I am a hairdresser myself and it would be confusing for the stylist to find this out, however, she shouldn't have got in touch in that manor - using humiliating or any words other than looking for personal growth herself if things weren't right.

Now how to respond - be honest - just reply simply, 'hi x, sorry for the delayed reply, the service you supplied was expertly done and as expected, unfortunately I didn't feel it suited me and decided to have it changed. I didn't get in touch with you because it was no fault of your own or a question of your workmanship I simply didn't like the result on me. Thank you, your name'

You are not responsible for her feelings, so don't feel bad, you've done nothing wrong. It's better to tell your hairdresser if they've done something wrong but you simply didn't like what was done, it wasn't done incorrectly though. If the owner was bothered they could have said when they saw you 'oh you've changed your hair, was you not happy with the result?' Which would have allowed you to reply 'yes, it was what I asked for but I just decided I didn't like it on me'

No this would be a dick move.

You didn’t humiliate her OP, she’s just being hypersensitive and thus unprofessional.

Just message saying - I really appreciated the time you spent on my hair, but after a few days I realised it wasn’t me, so I had my regular hair dresser take it back to normal. Thanks again.

I'd have just said I realised the style didn't suit me once I got home, so I changed it.

This has actually happened to me before; I once got crochet having been natural for so long. I looked like I had a triple mop on my head, and felt like a clown, so ended up removing it the same day! I feel your pain, but I absolutely didn't see it as the hairdressers fault, the style just didn't suit me.

You haven't humiliated her and don't feel bad, it's her issue, not yours.

I'd just message back: "I changed it because it just didn't suit me. That's not a reflection of your work and I'd have told your boss that had she bothered to ask me instead of just assuming." Then block.

You've said you were impressed with the workmanship and (presumably) left with the style you had asked for, so if you are feeling the need to respond due to social ties I would definitely go with something like this from Bobsgettingitdone that succinctly lays out the facts - you were happy with the work and thought you would get used to the change, but just didn't feel it suited you once you were living with it day to day.

Is it possible that the mew style did really suit you but because it was a big change you just couldn't see it yourself?

"Your technique was faultless but I realised when I got home that I'd made a mistake asking for this style as it doesn't suit me"

I’d be questioning how good she really is if it took her 8hrs to complete the style?

In your shoes, I’d reply something like, “I changed my mind about the style after a couple of days trialling it and asked my regular hairdresser to re-do it for me.”

You don’t need to flatter her ego or apologise but I would definitely not engage in any further correspondence as she’s being extremely unprofessional in contacting you and demanding an explanation. Your hair, your choice!