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Do you have any trusting, uncomplicated and loving relationships?

50 replies

Londongoer · 01/11/2023 10:19

By trusting, uncomplicated and loving I mean someone - family member, friend, or partner, who you believe will always have your best interests at heart, not just their own. Someone where there isn't much or any resentment in the relationship. Someone who doesn't have ulterior motives or try to put you down due to their own insecurities. Someone who really, truly loves you and vice versa.

I was thinking about this last night - the only person in my life who I truly love and who loves me in an uncomplicated way is my DH. We met when I was in my late 30s and have been together 15 years. Before that I feel like I was pretty much alone. If he passes before I do I'll be alone again.

But maybe alone is normal? We're all born alone and we die alone. Sorry, cheery thought I know.

My parents were abusive - my mum was an alcoholic and my father a narcissist who left us. I also have a sister but she's very selfish and we don't get along. My parents and I actually have pretty good relationships now. My mum is sober and actually our relationship is pretty close to what I've described. But she can be very selfish. My father and I are reasonably close now but I don't really trust him and he's very competitive with me.

I have friends but none that are really that close. I had a best friend but she died, and anyway our close relationship didn't last past the teenage years. I don't have children. Maybe that's the difference from most people, but I know parent/child relationships can be very complicated.

How about you?

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 01/11/2023 10:28

Yes. DH. Met at age 20. Married at 22. Married 50 years next year. 🙏 The kindest, most uncomplicated man in the world. Of course we've had our ups and downs ...you cant live that closely with someone for nearly half a century without that ...but he is totally loyal ...some one I can count on in every situation. Cooked every single term time night for four years while I was doing my degree even though he was tired from work himself. Brought every penny into the household budget when we were broke and encouraged me all the way n everything I've ever wanted to do. Maybe unusual fie our era .. .both born in 1952. Wish I was as good a wife to him as he's been husband to me. 😀

Londongoer · 01/11/2023 10:35

That's absolutely lovely @shiningstar2 - actually brought a little tear to my eye ❤

OP posts:
Londongoer · 01/11/2023 13:50

I've just asked DH and he thinks most people don't have any relationships like this.

OP posts:
WhatAreYouAllAbout · 01/11/2023 13:54

I'm fortunate to have 2 relationships like this in my life. My DH of 20 years and my best friend of 20+ years. I feel really lucky.

My family is complicated so I can't lean on my parents or siblings. I would be lost without my best friend in particular ❤️

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/11/2023 13:54

My mum, sister and DH.

Cardsonthetable · 01/11/2023 13:56

Only my husband. Which is sad.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/11/2023 13:58

My parents and my daughter. And maybe My closest friend.

My relationship with dh is loving and trusting but not uncomplicated.Grin

Thehumiliatedfish · 01/11/2023 13:59

The closest is my kids. Didn't even have it with ex when I thought I did.

Pinkitydrinkity0 · 01/11/2023 13:59

My parents, brother, aunties, uncles and two good friends ❤️

IHeartGeneHunt · 01/11/2023 14:07

My best friend, and one of my sisters.

WhatInTheFuckery · 01/11/2023 14:23

My dad, there's nothing negative at all about our relationship. We're both honest with each other, even if sometimes it can be brutal, respect each others opinions and are generally like friends who can always have a laugh and talk about anything. My daughters are the second/third one, I love them with my entire heart, they're young and innocent and they just have pure love

OldTinHat · 01/11/2023 14:24

No. 😔

User0000009 · 01/11/2023 14:26

Yes. I am very fortunate. My husband, my two sons; my sister and her husband and their daughter (my niece) and her fiancé. I love them unconditionally and they love me. ❤️

MayMi · 01/11/2023 14:41

My husband and my best friend 🙌🏻 people like that are very difficult to find in life. I love and appreciate them so much.

Verv · 01/11/2023 14:47

My partner and my 3 closest friends.

Friedtofuandbeans · 01/11/2023 14:53

All of my relationships are easy, fun and full of trust - husband, most of my family and friends. I can appreciate with family it’s harder because you can’t choose them, but with friends and partners you can make that decision yourself. The family I get on with less I just spend less time with so it’s not an issue.

Fairyliz · 01/11/2023 14:55

Nope. No one in my life has ever been horrible/mean/abusive to me but no one really supports me. I think they all see me as their emotional support person to be there when they need me.

Biasquia · 01/11/2023 14:59

Friedtofuandbeans · 01/11/2023 14:53

All of my relationships are easy, fun and full of trust - husband, most of my family and friends. I can appreciate with family it’s harder because you can’t choose them, but with friends and partners you can make that decision yourself. The family I get on with less I just spend less time with so it’s not an issue.

Oh gosh I dream of being you.

I am NC with my own family due to childhood abuse.

DHs father is an abusive in every type of way narcissist and the family dynamics are very difficult there.

I feel myself and DH and our children are on a path to what you describe but given our own backgrounds it has been a tough journey to get this far. Historically my friendships were often one sided and very often intense again due to my own neediness arising from childhood issues but some of them I have managed to shift into much healthier relationships and others that were not possible to change I’ve managed to extricate myself from.

I have some cousin relationships and a relationship with an aunt than given my family background are surprisingly healthy. All in all, a good start but more work to do here 😆

Ragwort · 01/11/2023 15:00

Yes ... I feel very blessed ... the more I read about relationships on Mumsnet the luckier I feel, I don't think I've ever had any dysfunctional relationships... even when my first marriage ended in divorce there was no unpleasantness. Of course not every relationship I have is perfect but in general terms I feel well supported and have plenty of good friends in my life.

SlippinJanie · 01/11/2023 15:04

My husband & his sister. Three cousins & about 4 friends. Hey, that's pretty good. I'm chuffed with that.

Leo227 · 01/11/2023 15:10

Everyone of my family and friends. I simply wouldn't have anything to do with someone who I didn't think fit all those requirements.

EveryBlinkingDay · 01/11/2023 15:11

Probably about 14 or 15 people. I'm incredibly fortunate and eternally grateful for them all.🥰😍

KatBurglar · 01/11/2023 15:13

My dad and DH.

Resilience · 01/11/2023 15:13

I'm so sorry for everyone who has grown up in dysfunctional families and has few good relationships now. 💐

My best relationships are with my 3 close female friends. They have proven their support for me over the years as I have for them. I learned the value of those friendships when I fled an abusive relationship with two DC in tow.

All my current relationships are healthy because I've got rid of the ones that weren't and am lucky enough that mine and DHs families are made up of nice people with no edge who don't manipulate others.

My relationship with my DH is also rock solid but I'm a bit more circumspect about relationships based on romantic love, particularly for a second marriage later in life such as ours. While I believe he's my life partner and has never given me any reason to doubt him, I have set up my life to protect my own interests if I was proven wrong. As has he. Despite this, we are very much a team and happy and he is a huge support to me.

I think a happy childhood and good role modelling of relationships has a lot to do with how comfortable you are forming new relationships and how well you negotiate conflict within them. I've met some amazingly warm, kind, funny and intelligent people who struggle with relationships as a result of what they were put through by their families. I know how lucky I am that I wasn't. The really sad thing is that plenty of people who are worthy of good relationships and who would make a brilliant friend/partner to someone just don't have that opportunity or can't take it for a variety of complicated reasons quite often self-imposed. And that's before we factor in all the less lovely people who are manipulative or malicious who are on the lookout to form relationships with people they can exploit.

We all need positive relationships. One is great. Two or more even better. Some have none at all so I'd say you're doing well really.

GigiAnnna · 01/11/2023 15:21

My husband, my sisters, brothers and one good friend. With a lot of my female friendships I feel that there has been an undercurrent of negativity and we've been in competition with each other. Who looked better, who had more money, who was the first to get married, have babies, buy a house...I've distanced myself from those relationships, not intentionally but because I've matured emotionally and my priorities are different. I still am friends with some of them but I'm not as invested