Alone at Christmas

[Tulips78]

I don't have anyone to spend Christmas day with this year so I'll be on my own. Has anyone done this before? I'd rather keep busy as I know how sad and lonely I'll feel. Has anyone ever done volunteering on Christmas day or has any ideas of how I could spend the day?

I've never volunteered at Christmas but do you know anyone else who might be spending it alone? A colleague or neighbour? A single mum and her kids? You could invite people to yours and do Christmas for them?

That's what I'd do if I was on my own.

You don't sound as though you want to be alone - I'd volunteer in your shoes. I had a friend who volunteered for Crisis every year. Wasn't close to family and didn't want to be alone. He loved it.

I've never been alone on the day and I have never volunteered so really can't comment on that front however personally I'd look at it as a treat day.
Favourite food
Favourite movie
Treat myself to a pamper. Maybe buy myself some nice products to use on the day.
A nice scenic walk.

I'll be alone but I enjoy it. Favourite food, films, good book and I do a few exercise classes and have a soak in the bath

I love Christmas alone- its a day to just do whatever you want for you. I have also volunteered a lot (Crisis), but Christmas day itself is difficult, because there is no public transport. Crisis is hard work - and there is a minimum commitment of 3 days - its interesting and fun though

I've been in my own for 12 years. It's soul destroying.

I've done it a few times and it was lovely! Nice fresh walk in the morning, champagne, roast duck. Literally the only downside was every fucking person giving me the sympathetic head tilt about it.
Would do it again 100%

I've had several years where I was on my own at Christmas. A combination of family geography, ill health and finances.

I couldn't volunteer as I was ill. But I viewed it as a day I could completely suit and spoil myself. Got nice food and drink in and planned favourite films etc.

Also check out sarah millican's #joinin on twitter which is geared towards those alone or lonely at this time.

It's not maudlin it's very supportive and sometimes funny.

In reality lots of people spend it alone or not with the whole extended family, that's just the ideal. For example people who are working either side of the day and live far from family, foreigners and people on holiday, people with no or few living relatives, people that are unwell, those that can't afford the gifts or the travel, people without cars where the transport isn't running, people who follow another religion, shift workers, carers who can't leave the person they care for, people with pets that won't travel... there must be more.

I’ve done it a couple of times and loved it. I spent time planning what I wanted to eat, I spent a good hour topping up a hot bubble bath with a book and a box of chocolates. I knew what films and tv I wanted to watch and I spent the day eating, relaxing and enjoying my own company with the fairy lights on. I used my posh bubble bath, I used my posh dinner set, I lit my nice candles and spent the day spoiling myself.

One year I made lots of jars marmalade on Christmas Day when I spent it alone. Did visit a friend later in the evening for a bit though. (I worked weird shifts and didn’t drive so I was kind of stuck.)

I think if I was alone again I’d definitely make a plan, and try to spoil myself a bit. I remember going to see It’s A Wonderful Life on Xmas eve (alone) and coming out of the cinema between groups of friends and families made me feel awfully sad and lonely. So I’d probably stay away from people (unless volunteering!) and focus on myself.

I tend to stay away from people in the main - I also get the sympathy head tilt.

I do the cemetery run on Xmas Eve and get that out of the way along with all the crying. Then a hike for two or three hours first thing Xmas morning - somewhere where there’s literally nobody about, which is surprisingly lovely. Then a hot shower and something really lovely for lunch - not Xmas lunch, usually beef carpaccio. Then read, watch a film, surf the net for ideas on what to plant in my garden and allotment.

Am also on my own NYE - tend to spend a few days between 25th and 31st having the mother of all declutters, then clean my house from top to bottom NYE day. I write a list of things I want to do the next year - anything from places to see, books to read, fitness goals, weird stuff like carving a pumpkin (realised tonight that I’ve never done it!) Then seafood pasta, bath, book, bed, for an early night, and it’s New Year new start on 1st.

I did it for the first time last year (divorce). I referred to this as my Not Christmas.

I didn’t put up a tree, or decorate it. I didn’t put up decorations or fairy lights. I didn’t have to clean the house from top to bottom and make up all the beds for visitors. I didn’t have to plan and order a massive food shop and cook endless meals and all the washing up and clearing up. I didn’t have to send out 50 plus Xmas cards and have to buy masses of presents, wrap them and mail them to all and sundry.

Instead I bought presents for the two people I love. Made myself a small perfect beef roast, followed by fudge.

Finally, I didn’t have to take down the tree, all the decorations and pack them all away in the attic.

It was so relaxing. Everytime I saw the news about traffic gridlock, crowded shops and poor weather, I felt blessedly thankful not to be part of the over consumerism and hustle and panic shopping.

Hi there,

I live near Newcastle and you'd be welcome to spend Christmas with me and my adult kids.

I'm so sorry and can relate. Could you say more about that? There's always company on here :)

I have spent Christmas on my own before and loved it.

If you want to volunteer, many places take a while to go through checks and training, so it might be worth signing up sooner rather than later.

I've had a few on my own lately.
First one, I thought I could just ignore it - "it's just another day". So got nothing special in at all. Wrong. By midday was in floods of tears and misery. Cue emergency run to motorway services M&S for food and wine.

I've cracked it since then. Buy yourself stuff from eBay NOW - at least seven items. but do not even inbox or unwrap them. Save them all for Xmas day. That way you gave presents for yourself from yourself that you'll have forgotten you chose. It's wonderful!
Also all the nicest food you like - but enough for 2 days only. By 27th it's all over - back to normality.
There's always a nice thread going on MN too for people alone.

Husband and I volunteered for Crisis when we hadn't had DS yet. Like a PP said, it's hard work, a full day's shift. But I did it because I have always volunteered in different different roles throughout my life, so I did it because not I only I enjoy doing it, but I also need to volunteer to feel that I'm serving my purpose.
All of that is to say that if you have never volunteered and are thinking of doing it just because you don't want to feel alone at Christmas, my advice would be don't do it as you'd do a half hearted job and wouldn't enjoy it.
Go look for something in your area, some community Christmas dinner, pub gathering or something like that instead of doing something that you might not feel inclined to do it just for the sake of not being alone

Hi thanks for your reply.
Just been on my own for 12 years. Tend to stay home a lot so don't meet anyone to strike a friendship up with to be honest.

I live in the arse end of nowhere.

I've just got use to it but it is soul destroying. Just feel like I'm sat in gods waiting room. Sounds dramatic but my jobs are done really.

I do fancy some day trips or a holiday but as some women know it's not easy to do. Irked at the single supplements. Cheeky I think.

@Boysnana And thanks for yours! Ironically it's so hard to keep digging deep to find the motivation and the confidence to go out on your own.

The single supplements are unfair as they're the same price. Could you join a coach tour or stay in a hostel? Cheaper and might be friendlier.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4932596-if-you-are-lonely-do-you-ever-feel-even-worse-when-trying-to-get-out-and-do-things-with-people-volunteering-classes-etc?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

There's another thread here if it helps.

Thanks I'll take a look. I'm not particularly mobile and need to be near a loo. Could be embarrassing on a coach IYKWIM.

Understand. Maybe a befriending service might help like MIND. It's not the same as a 'real' friend of course but might be a start

I thought this was so lovely of you to offer this lady to spend Christmas with you are your family,