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Original poster

Why does he do it

40 replies

Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 18:29

So dd ex beat her up . He went to prison was meant to be for a few months, but he would either break licence conditions or restraining order. He's only ever been out fir a few days up to 10 days at mist then back on prison again. I think he's ended up doing almost 3 years in all .

But what I don't get is why does he keep trying to contact her. Its the same shit , threats /nastiness . Then stuff like I just want to talk so I can move on. Back to threats etc.

Even if he did bump into her accidentally see her or what ever its not to shake her hand is it. As far as he's concerned she put him in prison for almost 3 years . Just worries me that one day he might try and really hurt her.

This is not a thread to ask how she stops him trying to contact her that's all in hand things in place best as it can be etc .

It's more of a what if he did find her one day.
I think maybe I need to step away from the documentary I have been watching one called released to kill.

I just don't get why he does it I mean 3/4 months prison turning into almost 3 years in prison that's just very odd he could have been getting on with his life .

OP posts:
Restinggoddess · 30/10/2023 18:38

Sorry to read this.

Prison does not rehabilitate offenders- perhaps he sees himself as the wronged one. Whatever, he is t trying to make amends. I would try and get her away as far as possible. People will say she shouldn’t have to because she’s the victim - but he is not rehabilitated and unless a meeting was takes place with professionals ( as part of reparations) it will not go well.
He has not changed, been rehabilitated or gained a conscience - he still believes she is his property
If it was my DD I would be as worried as you

sorry about that

Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:05

Restinggoddess · 30/10/2023 18:38

Sorry to read this.

Prison does not rehabilitate offenders- perhaps he sees himself as the wronged one. Whatever, he is t trying to make amends. I would try and get her away as far as possible. People will say she shouldn’t have to because she’s the victim - but he is not rehabilitated and unless a meeting was takes place with professionals ( as part of reparations) it will not go well.
He has not changed, been rehabilitated or gained a conscience - he still believes she is his property
If it was my DD I would be as worried as you

sorry about that

Thank you for replying. He does not know where she is. He's also in prison at the moment. It just seems such a madness

OP posts:
Azandme · 30/10/2023 19:07

Control.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 30/10/2023 19:09

This is familiar, did you post this before?

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 30/10/2023 19:11

Sounds awful for your DD. I think people who act like this have very deep seated issue and like a previous person said, prison isn’t great at addressing the cause of offending.

I think you’re right to consider the possibility he could be a threat to her life. That must be a terrifying thought, but realistic.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/10/2023 19:13

It's futile for the rational mind to try and understand the irrational. You'll never truly know why he does what he does and even if you could it would not be in your gift to change him. I'd focus on doing everything you can to protect her because he will likely always be a threat to her safety.

PumpkinPick · 30/10/2023 19:15

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 30/10/2023 19:09

This is familiar, did you post this before?

The op posts this every month or so.

Taxbreaks · 30/10/2023 19:18

Restinggoddess · 30/10/2023 18:38

Sorry to read this.

Prison does not rehabilitate offenders- perhaps he sees himself as the wronged one. Whatever, he is t trying to make amends. I would try and get her away as far as possible. People will say she shouldn’t have to because she’s the victim - but he is not rehabilitated and unless a meeting was takes place with professionals ( as part of reparations) it will not go well.
He has not changed, been rehabilitated or gained a conscience - he still believes she is his property
If it was my DD I would be as worried as you

sorry about that

This is another example of how 'our betters' who run the country have pursued their liberal views without any reference to the public who suffer.
The switch from 'retribution' to 'rehabilitation' may have worked within a country with more common values, but it doesn't work for those brought up with no respect for themselves or anyone else.
Prison places should have increased with he population.

Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:19

Just a note to say yes I have posted about my dd situation with DV /prison before
Yes on several occasions . This situation with DV and things connecting to it have gone on for over 3 years so yes I have posted several times regarding the situation. If a thought or feeling I want to explore /talk about then I post . There is no MN rules saying what I can and can't post about .

OP posts:
PumpkinPick · 30/10/2023 19:21

You’ve posted about it this month, and last month.

allaloneandlost · 30/10/2023 19:23

How awful. It's control and until he deals with the underlying issues for his behaviour, it won't go away.

Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:23

PumpkinPick · 30/10/2023 19:21

You’ve posted about it this month, and last month.

Am I not allowed to . If i have some thoughts regarding the situation. Am I not allowed to post about it because I posted last month about the DV situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:25

allaloneandlost · 30/10/2023 19:23

How awful. It's control and until he deals with the underlying issues for his behaviour, it won't go away.

I was watching a documentary last night. Apprently if its a short sentence they don't any help to deal with their issues. He keeps going back though so I'm not sure if he would have Been offered help or not

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 30/10/2023 19:30

PumpkinPick · 30/10/2023 19:21

You’ve posted about it this month, and last month.

I don't think there is any need to be snarky
There will be people on this thread who might be able to offer valuable advice.
Sometimes just knowing that people care is a help x

Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:31

WalkingThroughTreacle · 30/10/2023 19:13

It's futile for the rational mind to try and understand the irrational. You'll never truly know why he does what he does and even if you could it would not be in your gift to change him. I'd focus on doing everything you can to protect her because he will likely always be a threat to her safety.

Yeah I know there's not really an answer. The path he's following shits me up . Is he gonna end up killing someone one day.

OP posts:
allaloneandlost · 30/10/2023 19:33

Good point. Makes sense more likely to be offered help on a longer sentence but that fact it keeps happening. He'd have to be willing to accept the help as well and maybe he isn't?

allaloneandlost · 30/10/2023 19:35

Could you have a word with probation and explain your concerns? They can't discuss him with you but can't make things any worse by the sounds. It's a horrible situation for you and your daughter.

Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:37

allaloneandlost · 30/10/2023 19:33

Good point. Makes sense more likely to be offered help on a longer sentence but that fact it keeps happening. He'd have to be willing to accept the help as well and maybe he isn't?

Yeah that's a good point to . I dount he would do anything to help himself and he's not changed there's still threats made he even says it to professionals as well . So there's probably no hope

OP posts:
Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:41

allaloneandlost · 30/10/2023 19:35

Could you have a word with probation and explain your concerns? They can't discuss him with you but can't make things any worse by the sounds. It's a horrible situation for you and your daughter.

Edited

Probation are normally at conference and core group meetings with social services. Social services are backing down very soon . Dd wants them to but its kind of scarey at the same time. I will suggest to dd that her and social worker could have a chat with Probation officer before social services pull out .

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 30/10/2023 19:47

Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 19:31

Yeah I know there's not really an answer. The path he's following shits me up . Is he gonna end up killing someone one day.

Show quote history

It must be incredibly tough and worrying to be in this situation, with no real solution or a realistic way out. I can absolutely understand why you post repeatedly for emotional support and possible practical help. 💐

OhComeOnFFS · 30/10/2023 19:55

PumpkinPick · 30/10/2023 19:21

You’ve posted about it this month, and last month.

She can post about it as often as she likes. She must be so desperate for help.

OhComeOnFFS · 30/10/2023 19:56

If I were in your position I'd want the whole family to move as far away as possible. I couldn't cope with this stress.

PumpkinPick · 30/10/2023 19:58

The op made it sound like she rarely posts when in fact she posts this monthly. Just clearing it up for someone that asked.

allaloneandlost · 30/10/2023 20:03

And that's the thing isn't it? He has to want to whether or not he's offered help. Unless people are willing to change it's no good. Agree he's hurting himself as well as you and your family. It's a horrible mess.

Can't do any harm for SS to talk to them and might carry more weight coming from them.

Original poster
Herewegoagain55 · 30/10/2023 20:22

PaminaMozart · 30/10/2023 19:47

It must be incredibly tough and worrying to be in this situation, with no real solution or a realistic way out. I can absolutely understand why you post repeatedly for emotional support and possible practical help. 💐

Show quote history

Yes some of my thinking could be over thinking. But its always a worry that something could happen. But I don't want to cause stress and upset to dd abd other family . I can say my thoughts here without putting it on anyone personally involved

OP posts:
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