Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

exams and SIL giving birth

45 replies

flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:05

Hi everyone!

Just wondering what you would do in my shoes.

My BIL and SIL are expecting their first baby in December.

We live in one part of the UK and they live in the other, so we would go see them and stay with in-laws for a week or so.

I'm attending uni online and during that whole period, I will have my exams.

What do you think the best thing to do is?

Thank you

OP posts:
StrawberryPavlova · 28/10/2023 18:06

If I was your SIL I wouldn't expect to see you until after your exams. Surely they're more important?

Witchesdontburn · 28/10/2023 18:06

Send your DH, and visit briefly once your exams are over

Freddiefan · 28/10/2023 18:07

I think it would be better for all concerned, especially the new mother, if you delayed your visit.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
bunhead1979 · 28/10/2023 18:07

Do they want you to visit? I’d leave it until after the exams.

Overthebow · 28/10/2023 18:07

Yes your DH goes to visit, and you both go together once your exams are over.

Original poster
flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:08

Thank you everyone. That's what I was considering but didn't want to be unreasonable or pass of as a bitch.

They do expect me to come including my husband, so I hope they don't take offence.

OP posts:
Mummy08m · 28/10/2023 18:08

They don't need all their visitors at once- you and your dh could visit a month later.

BananaHamster · 28/10/2023 18:09

Visit a month later, the baby won't be going anywhere.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2023 18:10

Going to visit right when the baby is born is ridiculous. Give them time to settle in and for your SIL to heal.

BendingSpoons · 28/10/2023 18:10

I'd probably delay until Christmas personally.

Planesplanesplanes · 28/10/2023 18:11

Is it SIL expecting you to visit or PIL?

Original poster
flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:14

Planesplanesplanes · 28/10/2023 18:11

Is it SIL expecting you to visit or PIL?

PILs and husband

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 28/10/2023 18:14

No one misses exams to see a baby, that's bonkers, go when the exams are over and the poor mum to be has recovered

As an aside what do you mean by the "other* part of the UK? There aren't only two parts

Original poster
flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:15

VisionsOfSplendour · 28/10/2023 18:14

No one misses exams to see a baby, that's bonkers, go when the exams are over and the poor mum to be has recovered

As an aside what do you mean by the "other* part of the UK? There aren't only two parts

Sorry, I meant another part of the UK.

The thing is they would expect me to take the exams online as I attend an online uni. But I'd have to just be at their home the whole time and I know they wouldn't accept/like that and I don't know when SIL will give birth and when they will want me to go see her, they would also expect me to socialise with them etc...

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 28/10/2023 18:17

I think I'd video message etc so they get the chance to show off their newborn. But delay visits until once your exams are over.
Which also gives them a few weeks to get beyond the initial few weeks which passes in a fuzz.

As for staying with them, I think I'd book a hotel or at least offer to book a hotel if you could afford to do that, rather than staying with them.

MintJulia · 28/10/2023 18:17

Your exams come first.

When I had DS, the last thing I wanted was lots of visitors. I wanted rest and space to get to grips with a new born, not to feel like I had to be dressed, tidy & made up.

Send her a lovely card, some good chocolates, and say you will visit as soon as exam stress is over.

crumblingschools · 28/10/2023 18:17

Who can take a week or so off week to go and see a baby, or is this over the Christmas period

Original poster
flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:19

Sugarfree23 · 28/10/2023 18:17

I think I'd video message etc so they get the chance to show off their newborn. But delay visits until once your exams are over.
Which also gives them a few weeks to get beyond the initial few weeks which passes in a fuzz.

As for staying with them, I think I'd book a hotel or at least offer to book a hotel if you could afford to do that, rather than staying with them.

We tried booking a hotel before but they took offence to that.
My husband won't want to miss out so I think I'll have to go at a later date while he goes by himself the first time.

I did tell DH to ask SIL when would be convenient to come (I gave birth and now how tiring the first week is), but he asked BIL and MIL instead and they both said as soon as the baby is born or preferably just before

OP posts:
HighlandCowbag · 28/10/2023 18:19

Exams come first. I'm a mature student and even delayed our wedding anniversary celebrations as it falls in the middle of exam period.

You need to be really clear to your dh you won't be visiting until after exams, PILs are his problem not yours.

Original poster
flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:20

crumblingschools · 28/10/2023 18:17

Who can take a week or so off week to go and see a baby, or is this over the Christmas period

My husband's got unspent leave for this year

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 28/10/2023 18:21

Cross Post, no way on this earth would I risk sitting exams online in a house with a newborn.
The new parents do not need you stressing in their house either.

Wait until after exams to visit when the stress is off and you can focus on baby cuddles and giving the parents whatever practical support they need.

BrimfulOfMash · 28/10/2023 18:25

he asked BIL and MIL instead and they both said as soon as the baby is born or preferably just before

Ih for heavens sake! I would be VERY surprised if your SIL wants family gathering just before!

Your DH should go once the baby is born, and you go as soon as you can when your exams are over. Is it certain the baby will arrive during your exam period?

Can you talk to your SIL?

Sugarfree23 · 28/10/2023 18:25

Op ignore BIL & MIL they aren't the people giving birth, build a bridge with the SIL and ask her.

You'll get more sensible answers out BILs wife than you will him. And you have at least one child you'll be taking with you. Or set up a group chat with the two brothers and the two wife's.

AdaColeman · 28/10/2023 18:30

Exams and career must be your top priority.

The baby won't know nor care if you visit or not!

Stop worrying about appeasing your MIL. Concentrate on your studies, and visit the baby after Christmas.

RampantIvy · 28/10/2023 18:34

The thing is they would expect me to take the exams online as I attend an online uni. But I'd have to just be at their home the whole time and I know they wouldn't accept/like that and I don't know when SIL will give birth and when they will want me to go see her, they would also expect me to socialise with them etc...

Tough. Your exams are more important. If they can't see that it shows that your educaton is unimportant to them.

Do your exams at home or at university then visit them. This is non negotiable.

Swipe left for the next trending thread