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Original poster

exams and SIL giving birth

45 replies

flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:05

Hi everyone!

Just wondering what you would do in my shoes.

My BIL and SIL are expecting their first baby in December.

We live in one part of the UK and they live in the other, so we would go see them and stay with in-laws for a week or so.

I'm attending uni online and during that whole period, I will have my exams.

What do you think the best thing to do is?

Thank you

OP posts:

EmptyYoghurtPot · 28/10/2023 18:34

How is this meant to work? They want you to go ‘preferably just before’ the baby is born? How are you meant to know? First babies rarely arrive on their due date. I went in on the Sunday eve after my waters broke and DS wasn’t born till the Wednesday. I was in hospital till the Saturday morning. My family would have all been sat round for a week!

FoleyHuck · 28/10/2023 18:43

Unless your SIL is behind all this and onboard with it (unlikely, I think), how enormously suffocating for her. I'm currently pregnant and already a bit stressed by the idea of both sets of Grandparents wanting to pitch up for a week the second baby arrives, never mind siblings and their partners too.

If your DH is set on visiting the second her waters break then he can crack on, you can visit at a later date when your exams are done and SIL and baby are home and settled in.

ActDottie · 28/10/2023 18:44

I don’t understand why you’d have to go and stay at in laws for a week? Surely Christmas is the best time to first see baby.

I doubt they’d want many visitors in the first few weeks anyway.

Im giving birth January and have no expectations on when my brother will visit me.

Interested in this thread?

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Families

ColleenDonaghy · 28/10/2023 18:50

No way on earth should you be sacrificing your exams. Send DH and then you can have the house to yourself.

BrimfulOfMash · 28/10/2023 19:52

My sister came the day after my baby was born, and my parents the day after that. Not as house guests, but I don’t understand wanting to keep your closest family away. We wanted to share the joy!

However I would never have expected my SIL to interrupt her exams if she was taking them, or made demands that family visit or got upset if they couldn’t.

TheSweetEndOfTheLollipop · 28/10/2023 19:58

Babies are generally never born on their due date. Is it a first baby? In which case more likely to be quite late.
I would just not really say much for now. All sounds very tense and orchestrated.
Tbh, if I had an exam I would say it has to be in person and then go to a mate's house/Internet point.

Planesplanesplanes · 28/10/2023 20:47

flyingkittens · 28/10/2023 18:14

PILs and husband

Show quote history

Poor SIL probably can’t think of anything worse that the whole family rocking up for a week.

SunshineYay · 28/10/2023 20:59

Are you and DH planning on staying with his parents for Christmas or New Year's? You and DH could meet the baby then.

he asked BIL and MIL instead and they both said as soon as the baby is born or preferably just before

Unless SIL is having an elective c section, she won't know when the baby will be born. Is SIL your DH's sister or is she the wife of your DH's brother? If the former then she might want her parents and siblings to meet her baby first (I did) and then her in laws after.

OldBilge · 28/10/2023 21:01

FoleyHuck · 28/10/2023 18:43

If your DH is set on visiting the second her waters break then he can crack on, you can visit at a later date when your exams are done and SIL and baby are home and settled in.

This. I didn’t see anyone for three weeks, because everyone was travelling from overseas, and needed to be looked after and escorted around.

MrsRainMac · 28/10/2023 21:04

Your exams come first. Has SIL said she wants everyone to visit?.

Rainbowqueeen · 28/10/2023 21:15

What does SIL want and what do you want???

Having a baby is wonderful but also very emotional. Where do SILs family fit in?

Id wait until your exams are over. The in-laws aren’t coming across very well here to be honest. They don’t seem to care about what works best for you and SIL.

truptantripping · 28/10/2023 21:28

This is ludicrous!

Surely they know you have exams. Why would they want you to jeopardise all your work? Just for a visit that could wait a few days and probably to someone who doesn't want it anyway.

Is there's a cultural difference at play ?

HMW1906 · 28/10/2023 21:29

Why would you go down before? They do realise that the due date isn’t an exact science don’t they and that baby could come a couple of weeks either side so are they expecting you to travel down a few weeks before the due date and just wait potentially for 4 weeks!! Sounds ridiculous! Does your SIL actually want visitors immediately?

CurlewKate · 28/10/2023 21:48

Your dh can go on his own-I loved having visitor but secretly would have preferred to just have my brothers without their wives! Then you get time to study, your sip has her brother and you new the baby once the first flurry has calmed down. Sounds perfect!

Readingtheworld · 28/10/2023 21:55

I agree with all the other posters. You should sit your exams and go after. Call you SIL and talk to her. My DH had know idea about any of this even with our second baby. It’s not BIL who will be up all night pregnant and with a newborn.

Incidentally, thanks to DH, we had visitors/house guests 5 weekends in a row with a newborn, it was awful.

botheredand · 28/10/2023 22:51

Exams come first, visit when you can and send your love

Codlingmoths · 28/10/2023 22:58

Exams are not negotiable! I didn’t get to my brothers wedding as I’d have missed my exams and failed my subjects if I had- this was so obvious to everyone that no one expected me there! Absolutely not, you go when your exams are over.

Mummy08m · 28/10/2023 23:02

Does your SIL actually know about her in laws' grand plans of a mega-visit?

jlpth · 28/10/2023 23:02

What a bunch of fools they sound.

Your exams are your priority, send your dh on his own to stay with PILs if they really want him there. I don’t know why they want him there anyway. It’s not usual.

RidingMyBike · 29/10/2023 08:24

I'd wait until after the exams. Visitors are really difficult in the first weeks after the birth, especially if they're staying locally and so want to be with you a lot. But you're trying to get as much sleep as possible, adjust to your new reality and have probably been up all night!

The ones who waited until six weeks were better (they lived a long way away so couldn't just drop in). By then we'd got sleep and feeding sorted so it was easier.

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