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Original poster

Why does TTC take more than one cycle if there are no fertility issues?

51 replies

musingtoday · 28/10/2023 15:57

I know the NHS website advises TTC can take a healthy couple 12 months. Just wondering what the medical reasons (if there is no diagnosable condition) could be which means it doesn’t happen instantly? Sorry if this is an ignorant post, but just wondering what the reasons might be that it doesn’t happen. Does anyone know?

We conceived immediately about a year ago (one time it could’ve possibly happened, with contraceptive failure) and terminated due to not being in the best financial situation. Now we are TTC again and I expected it to happen immediately. This was our first cycle trying. Today is cycle day 33 and I have just got my period, but we DTD every other day of the month & I had all the usual fertile signs: had a whole week of EWCM and a 13 day luteal phase.

I am trying not to feel upset- but I really am- given how fast and unexpected it happened before. I feel like I threw away my chance and that is really hard to take. I was only trying to do the best thing in the circumstances. My worst fear was it taking a while to conceive when we were ready. It was only a year ago and we are mid twenties so age shouldn’t be a factor… really confused!

Have we done anything wrong? Should I cut out coffee and alcohol? I did have quite a few drinks this month so maybe that ruined the quality of my egg cell.

Thank you

OP posts:
Mylobsterteapot · 28/10/2023 16:06

There are so many events that have all line up for you get pregnant, that the chances of it happening in any given month are quite slim. Egg has to be released, be good quality, travel down and met a healthy sperm. Then it has to implant and grow enough to get a positive test.

Giving up alcohol, eating well and getting exercise will be good you (and your partner) for many reasons so that would be something you could control. Plus you taking folic acid.

Original poster
musingtoday · 28/10/2023 16:12

Mylobsterteapot · 28/10/2023 16:06

There are so many events that have all line up for you get pregnant, that the chances of it happening in any given month are quite slim. Egg has to be released, be good quality, travel down and met a healthy sperm. Then it has to implant and grow enough to get a positive test.

Giving up alcohol, eating well and getting exercise will be good you (and your partner) for many reasons so that would be something you could control. Plus you taking folic acid.

Thank you. I am taking all the vitamins. I know it probably sounds so silly given that people struggle for months on end, but I read somewhere that 38% of couples without fertility issues conceive first cycle of trying. It’s really hard to think we managed to get pregnant by accident from one time but now not on purpose when we’re doing everything right

OP posts:
SquashPenguin · 28/10/2023 16:25

It took me 5.5 YEARS to get pregnant.

Not all eggs are perfect quality. Not all sperm are perfect. The right egg has to be released at the right time. Your progesterone levels have to be just right. Your endometrial lining has to be just right (provided an embryo even gets as far as your uterus).

Stressing that you didn’t get pregnant the first month you tried is setting yourself up for a very tough time. Provided you have no fertility issues at all, you have a 25% chance at best of getting pregnant each month.

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Families
Smartiepants79 · 28/10/2023 16:44

In the nicest possible way -chill out!
There are so many factors that have to all align for a baby to happen.
You have everything on your side, health, age a previous conception.
Keep healthy and have some patience!

Ididivfama · 28/10/2023 16:47

omg it’s a minefield. Right time each month (only really a few days, which will change every month) and that’s assuming the egg is optimal for that month. And the sperm is good. And then they actually both implant. And then the body actually decided it wants to take it further. And if you’re feeling tired or unwell or anything like that, it just might not happen.
Chances are that it will, but it is tough going!

Original poster
musingtoday · 28/10/2023 16:58

Smartiepants79 · 28/10/2023 16:44

In the nicest possible way -chill out!
There are so many factors that have to all align for a baby to happen.
You have everything on your side, health, age a previous conception.
Keep healthy and have some patience!

Thank you, I do understand this I think it’s just harder that it happened by accident presumably immediately before. And now when we want it to, it’s not. Hard not to blame myself for my choice

OP posts:
CrochetedOwl · 28/10/2023 17:05

I get it. I have had 2 accidental pregnancies so when I tried do another baby and it didn’t happy in the first month it really shocked me.

Original poster
musingtoday · 28/10/2023 17:07

CrochetedOwl · 28/10/2023 17:05

I get it. I have had 2 accidental pregnancies so when I tried do another baby and it didn’t happy in the first month it really shocked me.

Thank you so much for understanding. How long did it take you can I ask? Thank you x

OP posts:
Ididivfama · 28/10/2023 17:15

Acupuncture? Diet and alcohol are a big thing. Also every other day is a lot - I’d cool the sex. 3 days is better.

CrochetedOwl · 28/10/2023 17:16

Took 3 months. We had sex every other day.
I totally take my hat off to women who go through it for years. Because my first was unplanned I assumed like you that it would happen straight away when I wanted it to. Now I am older and wiser I completely understand that even 3 months of trying is nothing compared to what others go through and I recognise my ridiculousness in a way now that I didn’t at the time.

Ididivfama · 28/10/2023 17:17

Another thing is to remember it takes 3 months for an egg to mature and be released, so healthy eating now will help for your egg in three months time.

CrochetedOwl · 28/10/2023 17:18

Not saying you are ridiculous in any way - I didn’t mean that! I just figured if I could get pregnant without trying first time then a planned pregnancy would be easier.

Mushroo · 28/10/2023 17:20

It can be all sorts! It took me three months.

Looking back, one month I had a stinking cold around ovulation time. So that could have been a reason or it coulD be a complete coincidence.

Weirdly, the month we conceived I just felt like
it was the lucky month, despite doing nothing differently.

Copenhagener · 28/10/2023 17:32

I thought that too: we’ve been trying for 1.5 years and nothing. Had all the tests done - everything is normal. 3 rounds of insemination. No pregnancy. Now we’re moving onto IVF. I’m only 32.

Also, there are only about 5 days a month you can realistically get pregnant around ovulation - many women mistime sex, and are surprised if they don’t get pregnant first time, because it’s so drilled into us that if we have unprotected sex we WILL get pregnant. But if the guy has bad sperm (got sick, used saunas, etc) or you didn’t release a viable egg, if there was a genetic issue, you had a very early miscarriage, your progesterone levels were too low, your lining too thin, etc, then you won’t get pregnant. And if you’re over 30 the number of viable eggs is smaller and smaller every year.

But it’s true that something like 92% of couples will get pregnant after trying for 2 years.

OverTheCountryClub · 28/10/2023 17:38

I mean it just depends on so many things. I have 3 dc. One of them took a year to conceive. One was the first month. Close in age so this wasn't that different in terms of my age. Once I did a full on health kick - I cooked absolutely everything from scratch, exercised religiously, lost weight. Probably the healthiest and fittest I've ever been. Fell pg within 3 months. Miscarried at 12 weeks. I also fell pregnant overweight, eating crap, not exercising. Healthy pregnancy and baby 9 months later. Honestly, I think so much of it is luck or factors you have zero control over.

Original poster
musingtoday · 28/10/2023 17:42

OverTheCountryClub · 28/10/2023 17:38

I mean it just depends on so many things. I have 3 dc. One of them took a year to conceive. One was the first month. Close in age so this wasn't that different in terms of my age. Once I did a full on health kick - I cooked absolutely everything from scratch, exercised religiously, lost weight. Probably the healthiest and fittest I've ever been. Fell pg within 3 months. Miscarried at 12 weeks. I also fell pregnant overweight, eating crap, not exercising. Healthy pregnancy and baby 9 months later. Honestly, I think so much of it is luck or factors you have zero control over.

Thank you, this is really helpful to see it’s all just chance

OP posts:
Original poster
musingtoday · 28/10/2023 17:44

Copenhagener · 28/10/2023 17:32

I thought that too: we’ve been trying for 1.5 years and nothing. Had all the tests done - everything is normal. 3 rounds of insemination. No pregnancy. Now we’re moving onto IVF. I’m only 32.

Also, there are only about 5 days a month you can realistically get pregnant around ovulation - many women mistime sex, and are surprised if they don’t get pregnant first time, because it’s so drilled into us that if we have unprotected sex we WILL get pregnant. But if the guy has bad sperm (got sick, used saunas, etc) or you didn’t release a viable egg, if there was a genetic issue, you had a very early miscarriage, your progesterone levels were too low, your lining too thin, etc, then you won’t get pregnant. And if you’re over 30 the number of viable eggs is smaller and smaller every year.

But it’s true that something like 92% of couples will get pregnant after trying for 2 years.

Oh gosh. I’m sorry, that must be so tough. Baby dust to you and hoping IVF is successful!

Do you think you could conceive, have a genetic issue with the embryo and never even know about being pregnant if your period just came as usual?

OP posts:
truptantripping · 28/10/2023 17:57

I was same as you- first time , got pregnant with only one lot of intercourse.
I'd been told id not be able to have kids so it blew my mind at the time.

Second time it took 5/6 months.

whatamess100 · 28/10/2023 18:00

People do get pregnant first cycle but honestly getting pregnant can take along time.

I got pregnant within 3 months first time, second time took 1yr then i had a MC 3rd time took 3 years.

nokidshere · 28/10/2023 18:17

It took me 17years to get pregnant. After 1yr we started clomid, after 3yrs other fertility treatments, after 15yrs we gave up entirely. 2 years after that I fell pregnant and gave birth, and again 2yrs after that, so became an older mum to two boys. No particular fertility problems on either side, it just didn't happen, even with assistance. Sometimes there just is no explanation. I didn't use any contraception either before or after the pregnancies.

Original poster
musingtoday · 28/10/2023 18:48

truptantripping · 28/10/2023 17:57

I was same as you- first time , got pregnant with only one lot of intercourse.
I'd been told id not be able to have kids so it blew my mind at the time.

Second time it took 5/6 months.

Wonder why the difference

OP posts:
kitchensinksers · 28/10/2023 19:00

Someone once explained it to me like this: not all your eggs are good quality eggs. Not every cycle's egg is going to result in a baby. In a whole year you probably have around 2-3 good eggs max ( depending on age ). So some people try and it's just Chance that they caught the good egg that month. You just need to keep trying until you get the good egg.

For me, first child - super fit, all the supplements, really trying hard- took around 9 months.

Second child, not fit, no supplements- not really trying and it caught the first month.

It was just Chance the second time that it was a month with a good egg.

This is of course assuming that everything else is fine.

Good luck.

truptantripping · 28/10/2023 19:06

@musingtoday

I assume the sperm just didn't make it ! Perhaps my partners sperm was poorer quality, we were probably more tired and stressed.

Good luck with it all.

Original poster
musingtoday · 28/10/2023 19:13

kitchensinksers · 28/10/2023 19:00

Someone once explained it to me like this: not all your eggs are good quality eggs. Not every cycle's egg is going to result in a baby. In a whole year you probably have around 2-3 good eggs max ( depending on age ). So some people try and it's just Chance that they caught the good egg that month. You just need to keep trying until you get the good egg.

For me, first child - super fit, all the supplements, really trying hard- took around 9 months.

Second child, not fit, no supplements- not really trying and it caught the first month.

It was just Chance the second time that it was a month with a good egg.

This is of course assuming that everything else is fine.

Good luck.

I didn’t know this. Thank you. Just assumed all eggs were good. We don’t smoke or drink and eat relatively well. I’m not even 25 yet so I’d have thought this would be prime time. Just feeling disheartened, I know people ten and even fifteen years older than me who boast about it taking one time.

OP posts:
catskittens · 28/10/2023 19:14

i had IVF in the end and my consultant told me everything has to be 100% perfect and was surprised so many people fell pregnant so quickly