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Original poster

Not coping tonight

38 replies

Al991 · 28/10/2023 06:44

my 2 month old has a cold and I’ve been up with her for 2 nights now. I feel like I can’t do this anymore, I desperately need sleep.

me and my partner have an agreement where I sleep in the evening and morning and take the night, but she was feeding all evening so I haven’t slept at all. Now the morning is almost here and I know she will need feeding again. I have been in tears for hours.

my partner has not been supportive tonight, he is sick of me crying all the time but I can’t help it. This is absolute hell and I need a partner to comfort and support me but I don’t have one.

im just here to rant really

OP posts:
AutumnIsMyFriend · 28/10/2023 06:53

That sounds really tough for you x have an unmumsnetty hug.

As soon as she finishes feeding this morning give her to your partner - agreements are all well and good, but there’s got to be flexibility if you don’t sleep. Is she breast fed? Can you express, or top up with formula, so your partner can do feeds?

and remember, this too shall pass.

Original poster
Al991 · 28/10/2023 06:57

She is breast fed. I am wondering if today she can have a bottle of formula though so I can sleep in a longer block. Again my partner is not my biggest fan right now but I think understands I need to sleep. Going to try and sleep in the day and wake up for feeds. But then I don’t know if I can as she won’t be put down and partner needs to cook, eat, wee etc.

I know this is so temporary but somehow it doesn’t help.

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 28/10/2023 07:00

I'm up. Long time since i BF but i totally feel your pain. It's worth it though, whatever way you choose to feed. Dd is 12 now and the best little human on the planet. Ÿou'ĺl get through, and your baby will be fab. Go easy on yourself x

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Chickenkeev · 28/10/2023 07:01

Just reread your post and your partner sounds not great.

Mammyloveswine · 28/10/2023 07:04

Al991 · 28/10/2023 06:57

She is breast fed. I am wondering if today she can have a bottle of formula though so I can sleep in a longer block. Again my partner is not my biggest fan right now but I think understands I need to sleep. Going to try and sleep in the day and wake up for feeds. But then I don’t know if I can as she won’t be put down and partner needs to cook, eat, wee etc.

I know this is so temporary but somehow it doesn’t help.

Your partner will cope... baby will cope.. you need to sleep and he needs to fucking parent!!

My husband used to drive mine around in the middle of the night if needed so I could sleep!!

Original poster
Al991 · 28/10/2023 07:05

Re: my partner I don’t disagree. It wasn’t like this before pregnancy and baby.

OP posts:
obje · 28/10/2023 07:08

then I don’t know if I can as she won’t be put down and partner needs to cook, eat, wee etc.

I'm sure you manage to cook, eat and wee too and you survive.

He just needs to step up and be an actual fucking parent

DaftQuestionForToday · 28/10/2023 07:11

He can cook/eat/wee while you're feedin ir she's sleeping. Or he can eat cold food and he can put her somewhere while he wees. He can figure it out.

i wouldn't give her formula if she's not had it before. While you're so exhausted is not the best time to try IMO.

he can bring her to you to feed & he can deal with nappies, burping, settling.

get some sleep!!

sometimes an arrangement might be good, but the baby puts a spanner in the works & you need a new plan!!

prestonlass · 28/10/2023 07:11

It sounds like the issue here is the "agreement" - it might work for times when the baby is ok but when they're sick it's all hands on deck to make sure everyone gets as much rest as possible. Plus the baby's needs will change as they get older so what worked one week will suddenly not work anymore. You need more flexibility in your set up and your partner needs to recognise that breastfeeding is hugely demanding physically and you absolutely need to rest in order to be able to take care of the baby.

Chickenkeev · 28/10/2023 07:11

Al991 · 28/10/2023 07:05

Re: my partner I don’t disagree. It wasn’t like this before pregnancy and baby.

Edited

It never is. There's a massive bank of evidence regarding abusive men and pregnancy etc. But he could be at the end of his tether too. IDK. You do need to watch your back right now though.

Original poster
Al991 · 28/10/2023 07:15

Baby has had formula before she used to be combination fed - I keep it in the house for times like this!

I do appreciate the validation in relation to my partner who is being shit at the moment. But there’s only so much I can do to change someone else’s behaviour and I just don’t know if he will take her for the whole day and do everything etc. he should be awake soon and I’ll try to ask.

Also worried baby hasn’t fed in 4 hours but she’s too exhausted from being awake all night to feed. I am letting her sleep on me now rather than keep trying to get her in cot in the hope she will get enough rest to be able to feed.

OP posts:
obje · 28/10/2023 07:19

No other advice OP but just wanted to say you sound lovely and a great mum despite your useless DP 💐

Chickenkeev · 28/10/2023 07:23

I know you don't want this advice, but i'm going to say it anyway. You should not be worried about your babies father looking after them. The fact that you are speaks volumes.

crimsonleaves · 28/10/2023 07:24

As a suddenly single parent with baby waking hourly I coslept and BF, it was the only humane way with a baby who needed constant contact. After the shock wore off I adjusted and started to feel more rested by the naps. In hindsight I wish I'd pushed more for help with the tongue ties and silent reflux. Make sure you're still eating and drinking too, as well as napping whenever your baby does.

Memberofstaff · 28/10/2023 07:29

Don't worry about your baby not feeding for a few hours, she's probably tired too.

My second child was like this and in retrospect I wish I'd given him a bottle in the evening (as I did with my first,) but I was obsessed with him being exclusively breast fed.

If you can sleep from early evening, let your partner formula feed late evening then hopefully you could sleep for at least 6 hours or so.

I went for months sleeping in 2-4 hour bouts so I feel your pain.

Remember this won't last forever but it does feel like it at the time! I hope your baby feels better soon.

Greeneyegirl · 28/10/2023 07:33

Don't worry about the baby not feeding for 4 hours, if they're a good weight then that's fine. I think at 2 months I was getting 6 hour stretches out of mine and a lie of people seemed to think I should be waking her.

Co sleep is good, co nap today if needed to get day sleep. Check for reflux or silent reflux if putting down is the issue

WonderingWanda · 28/10/2023 07:38

I would spend the day in bed with your baby, she can feed and sleep and you can sleep too. Get your partner to bring you drinks and food.

Flyhigher · 28/10/2023 07:46

Start bottle feeding. At least one at night. Don't think breast feeding is worth having this amount of stress. You've done 2 months. It's amazing.

Flyhigher · 28/10/2023 07:52

Maybe I've missed something. But why are you crying all night and not trying a bottle. Don't think breast feeding is worth that pain.

Original poster
Al991 · 28/10/2023 07:53

I begged my partner to wake up and it has become a huge argument. Brilliant. Agree that a bottle would probably help if he would be willing but tbh I don’t think he is. Mind you a bottle might help even if I give it.

Baby does have reflux. And a cold, which is worse when she’s lying down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Al991 · 28/10/2023 07:54

Flyhigher · 28/10/2023 07:52

Maybe I've missed something. But why are you crying all night and not trying a bottle. Don't think breast feeding is worth that pain.

Feeding isn’t the issue. She has a cold which has stopped her sleeping.

OP posts:
Costalife · 28/10/2023 08:38

But then I don’t know if I can as she won’t be put down and partner needs to cook, eat, wee etc.

How does he think you manage all day when he is presumably at work to eat and use the toilet etc. He sounds horrible op I'm sorry.

AutumnIsMyFriend · 28/10/2023 10:42

Could you go back to your parents for a week or two? Get some genuine TLC and be given a break?

Original poster
Al991 · 28/10/2023 12:08

AutumnIsMyFriend · 28/10/2023 10:42

Could you go back to your parents for a week or two? Get some genuine TLC and be given a break?

Would love this and it would be so helpful but partner says no cos it’d mean me taking baby away 😔

OP posts:
Costalife · 28/10/2023 12:20

So he doesn't want to help but he also doesn't want you to go somewhere where you could get help

Are you happy in this relationship?