Thought it would be so much easier at this stage ..

[Dontknowhowtodealwiththis1]

I don’t know where to start with this. I have no one to talk to so I hope someone could have some words of encouragement or maybe I just need to vent..I just really want things to get easier .
We have three dcs , all boys , to say they are high energy is a massive understatement… when they were small as soon as they could walk they bolted , if their buggy stopped moving they’d scream , two were absolutely appalling sleepers for years…... It was very tough as although I thankfully have an amazing dh I had /have absolutely no support from family, even with my first who was relatively easy and obviously just one child . I always thought once they sleep through and are out of the toddler stage it’ll all be so so much easier and yes it is in a way with sleep etc but their energy levels are still off the scale.
They are actually 12, 9 and 7 so a lot older but literally still bouncing off the walls , they do plenty of sport as we obviously we realise they need to burn off loads of energy . I’m not remotely into the stereotype of boys will be boys etc and I have from the word go been into art and crafts and reading (I’m massively into these myself ), they like some of it but most of the time the aren’t really interested…. I’ve brought them to the library since they were babies but they have v little interest in reading or books (they don’t have loads of screen time) .
I just feel overwhelmed and down a lot recently, I’m quite introverted too. My dh takes them out loads and goes camping , surfing etc etc but absolutely nothing tires them out whatsoever. We have lovely weather here and honestly they regularly surf or body board for hours and can jump on the trampoline and around after for hours, nothing tires them out.
We actually travel quite a bit as have family from all over and it doesn’t make any difference in terms of the level of activity, late bed- they are all up at the crack of dawn every morning. I’ve never once had to wake them up and I get up early . They are extremely loud also. We are v v firm , consistent if they are behaving too wildly , absolutely follow through on any consequences but nothing seems to work . They are also now highly argumentative with us and each other. It’s so so wearing . I feel stressed a lot as I’m actually quite a quiet person . I’ve thought that maybe they are over tired or over stimulated but it doesn’t make any difference and is far worse if we try “chill out at home days”. I’ve thought about adhd but they are absolutely find in school and can easily sit and do school for long periods (but do have some struggles with academia) .
The thing is they are extremely popular in school, v v v quiet in school, I get constantly told how well behaved from teachers they are, never once been in trouble any of them and they are constantly invited to parties and other peoples houses. Frequently they are described as being an absolute pleasure and so polite and easygoing.
It’s v v v much a case of street angels , house devils . I absolutely adore them and my dh and I do swap over but we never ever get a break for ourselves (our family’s are both extremely hands off , always have been even with one child and I guess now one wants to mind high energy kids) .
In the house the frequency play fight which we break up of course as it ends in tears . We spend lots of one to one time with each of them as we know this is important. We try to mirror calm behaviour. We are v careful with their diet etc etc . They just seem so so manic at home but outside their behaviour is exceptional. It’s such a contrast . Although they are more physical than most kids in terms of running , climbing etc. I know a lot of the traits are positive and I definitely think maybe the fact they are in school is prob not helping with the lack of burning off energy and the weather is bad now. It’s the almost constant agitation , noise and now it’s louder and more physical than ever that we both struggle with . We are both working a lot and in fairness are burnt out . I’m just so disappointed I don’t find the “golden years” easy. I work with teenagers (ironically in what the uk call pru , so something like that ) some I’m acutely aware that it’s probably going to get harder.
I love them with all my heart but i don’t know why I’m struggling so much , I never hear others talk about it , all my friends have tiny kids so keep banging on about it getting easier …

@1992H they actually do love cooking and baking and like responsibility but they fckn hate housework and although we do “make” them, it’s a battle every time , nothing works on that tbh. Definitely a believer in everyone helping out . Honestly they are actually much bigger and stronger and way more physical. I absolutely don’t find it easier , just different tbh . Think I was a bit surprised at that , I probably had unrealistic expectations of it being so so much easier as found the toddler stage tough tbh . Buuut doing things like getting out and about with small kids so so much easier , much easier to please and distract when smaller etc . Different challenges I guess.

@Freeamigos that’s exactly how I feel , I feel I look absolutely wreaked all the time, it’s also taken me years to recover from the long, long years of sleep deprivation so I still don’t sleep well after all that time. I’m late 30’s so it may not improve …
I just hate the constant on edge feeling and the noise if I’m honest, it’s very hard to describe to others and we are firm and we do carry out consequences and we do praise etc etc and have one to one time but in all honestly it always seems to descend into chaos no matter what.
I’m really encouraged by what you said and appreciate it a lot . I am not always negative towards them but definitely do feel burnt out . I probably should have given myself a year or so to recover from the early years and no sleep but went straight back to working once they were all in school . I was just conscious of the economic climate and to always cover myself by working in case something happens to dh but in truth I should have taken some time out . I honestly didn’t think I’d get the job I went for tbh . My dh is really good and we do swap over so we’re lucky in that way but all of families are v distant with us so we are alone that way but have to just deal with it like many .
It’s really helped for me to get this out , I don’t feel I can say I’m wreaked as I don’t have small kids anymore and I do go to gym and take vitamins etc. It’s simply dealing with this that makes me tired , I know it is .

@marthasmum sounds v v similar and thank you . We actually do lose our shit a bit as literally can’t keep it together all the time but obviously try not to. It’s really encouraging what you said . I also think it can be intense as we are v much our own unit so no aunties or uncles willing to take them out etc so it can be a bit intense.

@Willyoubuymeahouseofgold and @Teachingteacher thank you both so much . I lack a mum figure in my life and your words means a lot to me.

I have four boys, in a lot of ways it has been difficult but I have two teenagers and two primary aged so there are two sets of two in the family which is brilliant as they have a sibling they have something in common with.

Oh I hear you. Mine are high energy. We have been told that the two younger ones are fine in school. No issues. They just let loose at home! I find getting outdoors works wonders. Which is what you do anyway.

They all like screens but we get out too. Making sure there's balance.

Same as yourself OP. We don't have family offering to help in practical terms. We have to just get on with it all ourselves. It's bloody exhausting.

I have thrown myself into academic studies as a form of escapism as it's all consuming raising children. You need something just to get away for a break.

Interesting what you say about going back to work OP. I had some time off with work
stress when mine were 4, 6 and 8 (I had always worked but PT). It was specific to that role, but one think I realised at the time was that I was absolutely blooming exhausted after years of pregnancy, BF and poor sleep, and I think at least some of my crash was related to needing to recover. Of course none of them slept well for years either! So I wonder if some of what you are feeling is, as you say, still
in response to those tough early years. It does sound, too, as though you were understandably really hoping for an upward trajectory and are understandably mourning the lack of that.

I think it might make sense to tackle some of the burning/burnout issues separately? For instance OP you sound like a quiet introvert stuck in a noisy household. Have you tried creating a safe/quiet space and time ghat the children and your dh respect? A study or a cave retreat, or the hours of 7-11 on sat or sunday, when you take breakfast and a book into a room with noise cancelling headphones and you ate iff duty? No one asks “mum where are my boots?” No one’s shrieks or thumps need correcting?

Maybe this is just partially sensory overload and you need peace snd quiet to recharge.