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Original poster

Anyone up? Need to talk please

67 replies

CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 02:16

Hi, not really sure what i want to achieve here but having a relatively new 17 yo driver DS having the police knock the door at nearly 2am is the most sickening feeling in the world.

They wouldn't tell me at first whether he was OK but after many questions they said him/some people have been involved in an incident and they are searching for his car. I called him and he was giving some friends a lift and they asked him to stop at a house and then they got out, then came out and he dropped them home. I called him and he had no clue why I was calling, but I explained that basically armed police were going to get him as apparently an assault with a weapon has taken place somewhere and his vehicle was named.

I am absolutely certain that he has noclue but he was terrified when armed police cuffed him, I was on the phone when he was saying 'ow ow'.

I now have to wait for them to either bring him home or arrest him. Could be hours.

Just need some company I think

OP posts:
DaisyMaisyFaisy · 27/10/2023 03:46

That’s awful. Glad he’s home. Have they impounded his car?

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 03:47

DaisyMaisyFaisy · 27/10/2023 03:46

That’s awful. Glad he’s home. Have they impounded his car?

Thanks, no they told him to drive home. I am not impressed at how its been handled at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 03:51

They searched him and his car and obviously found nothing. The people he gave a lift to he had already dropped off.

He has been incredibly naive here, he has put himself in a situation that could have been avoided, he's too trusting and I believe he genuinely thought he was giving a friend a lift, he has given this person a lift before and has worked with him, he had no reason to think there was anything dodgy going on.

We still don't actually know if his friend has done anything wrong either.

OP posts:
Nagado · 27/10/2023 07:01

CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 03:47

Thanks, no they told him to drive home. I am not impressed at how its been handled at all.

Show quote history

I mean this in the kindest possible way, but I think they probably handled it in the best way possible. You know he’s completely innocent and has just given a mate a lift. They don’t. For all they know, he’s a violent and dangerous thug who has knowingly driven someone to commit a crime, helped them leave the scene and played a role in hiding weapons. They can’t just take his mum’s word for it that he’s a nice boy just doing someone a favour. They’ve come to you, they’ve explained as much as they could and they’ve phoned him, rather than just tpacking his car on a dual carriageway. Of course they’ve been firm with him; they needed him to understand just how serious it was and that they weren’t messing about. They don’t want to shoot anyone any more than he wants to be shot.

I expect that they’ve spent five minutes talking to him, realised he’s not involved at all and have simply put the fear of God into him, rather than waste their breath by warning him to be careful about who he associates with. He’s not likely to drive this acquaintance around again, is he?

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 08:29

@Nagado yes you're probably right, last might I was tired and sensitive and seeing him so distressed was hard, he'd also driven home in that state which I guess I was upset about also. I was also still shaking as it seemed like an awful long time before they confirmed he wasn't dead in accident so I think I was in a bit of shock also.

He was upset at being told that he is the prime suspect in this as they don't have any other names, this isn't true as they do have the friends name and address. This will be worrying to him going forward, they also told him if the friend has done anything he'll be implicated also. We are keen to know exactly what is going on of course.

OP posts:
Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 08:31

He won't be giving lifts to acquaintances ever I don't think, I am cross at him for doing so in this instance but made sure I didn't say too much to him last night as I'm sure he realises himself anyway!

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 27/10/2023 08:40

OP, sorry to ask this, but is he black? I know PPs are saying, "the police wouldn't act if there wasn't something going on...". It doesn't take much for SOME police to act with young, black boys. Just saying.

But yeah, best not to be out on the streets that late anyway or giving acquaintances lifts. It's not a nice world we live in. I have a 17yo DS too and I can I imagine how petrified you were/ are at the 'threats' (prime suspect ffs). Hopefully your DS will be shocked into wiser behaviour

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 08:52

MerryMarigold · 27/10/2023 08:40

OP, sorry to ask this, but is he black? I know PPs are saying, "the police wouldn't act if there wasn't something going on...". It doesn't take much for SOME police to act with young, black boys. Just saying.

But yeah, best not to be out on the streets that late anyway or giving acquaintances lifts. It's not a nice world we live in. I have a 17yo DS too and I can I imagine how petrified you were/ are at the 'threats' (prime suspect ffs). Hopefully your DS will be shocked into wiser behaviour

No but the friends are Asian.

We had brief words about the safety of giving people lifts that late etc, the trouble is he's one of only 2 or 3 in their wider friendship group who has a car so often he'll be called for lifts and they'll give him petrol money plus a bit so he's covered and it's cheaper than a cab for them. I've said that stops now.

The threats have really upset me, they actually said he will be pulled over all the time now, is the prime suspect and will go to prison if his mates have hurt someone as he was driving.

I have had about an hours sleep and feel dreadful. I am hoping he is sleeping and I can talk some more to him later when he's not shattered.

I am assuming they don't actually think he was involved considering they only spoke to him on the side of the road then told him to go home. I am really confused about the no victims comments also.

OP posts:
Legoroses · 27/10/2023 09:58

Everyone on this thread is treating the police as if they are a) correct and b) acting in good faith and c) the best approach is to take their word. None of this necessarily holds I'm afraid.

Get a solicitor. Get advice from someone you trust. Don't accept this horseshit about a non-existent crime and non-existent criminals meaning your entirely innocent child should accept being repeatedly wrongfully stopped from now on.

When something similar happened to my brother my mum got local organisations involved and the chief constable eventually came to our house to apologise to my brother and my mum. It was nevertheless so traumatic that I crossed the road when I saw police officers for years later.

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 10:05

@Legoroses thank you. He is more than happy to assist in any enquiries he can help with of course but to have the worry on his shoulders that he will be stopped all the time for no reason and that basically he is a scape goat for any crime that may happen relating to an incident they aren't even saying happened is really distressing for all of us. It is quite possible that his friend is involved in something so they are right to question my son, I don't have an issue as such with that, but they actually haven't questioned him properly, no statements taken, it was all on the side of the road in about 20 mins/half hour, and now he's potentially having to look over his shoulder every time he leaves the house.

I am on hold to the contact centre at the moment. Not sure they will tell me anything though.

OP posts:
GrinchoftheNorth · 27/10/2023 10:45

Name changed for this. My son was arrested for attempted murder and kept on bail and curfew for 6 months.I also had armed police turn up to drag him from the house. He did not know the person assaulted. He did not know the perpetrators. His only crime was being on corner shop CCTV five minutes buying a sandwich before the incident on the next road and wearing a tracksuit which matched the description of the attacker. There was not another single link to the case. It was a very worrying time so I completely understand your stress. At the end of the 6 months investigation they told him it was all over with and not to wear tracksuits whilst walking around if he didn't want to get picked up for such offences. No apology for the wrongful arrest or stress caused

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 10:52

@GrinchoftheNorth I am so so sorry that happened to your son, how awful. This is my exact concern, wrong place, wrong time. In my DSs case it could be that his friends have done something but it doesn't actually appear that any crime has actually occurred, or if it has they haven't actually said that.

I have spoken to the contact centre, waiting for the officer dealing with the incident to call me now. I feel sick, God knows how poor DS must be feeling.

OP posts:
Chonkadoodle · 27/10/2023 11:01

Your son needs new friends.

Frintononsea · 27/10/2023 11:01

Op sorry to ask but do you think he may have somehow got tangled up in county lines stuff? Really decent young men and women get out of their depth all the time with this sort of thing.

WinterDeWinter · 27/10/2023 11:03

If I were you I'd ask for a meeting with the police and take a solicitor.

Police can be tricky bastards and while you absolutely want to be as helpful as possible it is good for them to know that you aren't stupid, are prepared to push back, and to have what they tell you officially noted.

For example, I'd want to hear in their own words what they meant when they said he will be targeted in future. If that happens, even though he's not been charged with anything, it's harrassment.

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 11:03

Chonkadoodle · 27/10/2023 11:01

Your son needs new friends.

The person who he gave a lift to is a work acquaintance, luckily he has lovely real friends, he has been incredibly stupid/naive trusting these people

OP posts:
Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 11:08

@Frintononsea absolutely 100% convinced he's not. That's not to say the people in his car aren't. I don't want to give too many details about my son personally but if I did I think it would make sense that he wouldn't be involved in anything like that.

@WinterDeWinter once the officer calls back I will request a meeting. What they have told him is unacceptable even if just empty threats so they need to confirm if he is in fact a person of interest or not.

OP posts:
WinterDeWinter · 27/10/2023 11:09

Good - but take a solicitor OP, it shows you mean business.

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 11:10

WinterDeWinter · 27/10/2023 11:09

Good - but take a solicitor OP, it shows you mean business.

Thank you, I will do. This is all so mind blowing TBH, I just can't believe this has happened.

OP posts:
monicagellerbing · 27/10/2023 11:12

@GotTired it's breathe

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 11:15

GotTired · 27/10/2023 02:41

@CompanyPlease Try to calm down op, this is the first thing, you will not help him if you have panic attack. Read it and focus on those words:

He is alive, he is well and breath.

He is alive, he is well and breath.

He is alive, he is well and breath.

He is alive, he is well and breath.

He is alive, he is well and breath.

He is alive, he is well and breath.

He is alive, he is well and breath.

This will be all explained and over, He is alive, he is well - this is the most important thing to focus. Im sending my hugs. X

Thank you for your kind words, sorry I didn't reply in the chaos last night. It really is an awful feeling seeing police officers at the door when you know your 17 yo who is out in the car isn't home yet.

OP posts:
SleepPrettyDarling · 27/10/2023 11:18

I know he’s 17 but I’d be confiscating his phone for the next 24-48 hours. He may have been innocently giving a lift but something could be going on that he doesn’t know about, and I’d be watching for messages coming in, in case other parties are trying to get an alibi.

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 11:20

@SleepPrettyDarling that's a good idea, thank you.

OP posts:
Legoroses · 27/10/2023 11:22

Get a solicitor. Support your child. Don't treat him like a criminal because the police said some nonsense that they can't stack up or evidence.

Original poster
CompanyPlease · 27/10/2023 11:27

Legoroses · 27/10/2023 11:22

Get a solicitor. Support your child. Don't treat him like a criminal because the police said some nonsense that they can't stack up or evidence.

I absolutely wouldn't, I 100% know he hasn't done anything wrong.

OP posts: