Meals for elderly

[wednamenov]

I'm visiting an elderly relative and I want to stock her freezer with easy to defrost single portion items. All from Lidl.

We don't think she eats on her own. She's very unsteady so cooking is difficult. She does get meals on wheels but we think she tries to make them go further than they should. So emphasis is on easy single portions.

So far I'm making batches of soup but I'm only here for two days so I need to think about getting ready made stuff in. There's a Lidl near by which is easiest for me to get to.

She says their ready meals are too big for her.

I've bought chicken and mushroom slices, and pepper steak slices (I plan to freeze these in individual freezer bags). I've got a bag of madeleines and pain au chocolate (can these be frozen in the individually sealed bags they already come in)?Just for occasional treats.

Any other suggestions very welcome.

Those single portion ready meals at M & S are brilliant and they do a little roast dinner.

If you haven't got M&S maybe there's another grocery store? Would a local cafe do little freezer meals?

The individually wrapped madeleines and pain au chocolats tend to have a really long best before date so I wouldn't bother freezing those.
Does the meals on wheels service deliver frozen meals as well as hot? We were in a similar situation with an elderly relative a few years ago and our local council would deliver a weeks worth of frozen meals (they were actually the Wiltshire ones but a lot cheaper through the council).

She might be sharp as a tack but how is her eyesight and hearing. She may have difficulty reading labels/instructions or even hearing the microwave ping.

How about frozen jackets. Sure lidl do some smaller ones. Could the carer make sure she heats a meal for her and then make a sandwich ready for later.

She gets meals three days a week, and splits them so she has half for lunch and half for supper. But that leaves four days when I suspect she's relying on toast and fruit. It's so frustrating for us all being so far away. I intend to clear out her freezer and stick it with whatever I can. I will look in the lidl frozen section as well. We're going to travel into Cork tomorrow to find an M&S.

So she gets food delivered but is still thin and poorly. I'm getting vibes that it's her cooker/microwave that is the problem. Is she able to grip the cooking trays, can she bend down enough to light the oven, can she twist the knobs easily? Is there enough counter so she can slide the meal out of the microwave instead of picking it up? I think you need to watch her do the cooking rather than focusing on the actual meals.

Agree with pp above, maybe she can't read the cooking instructions now so perhaps a large magnifying glass with a light would be beneficial.

You seem to be guessing a lot about what she eats / doesn’t eat and why. If she’s sharp as a tack can she tell you whether she’s eating breakfast? And what she does in the days that she doesn’t get meals delivered? And does she split the meals because they are too big - or so that she doesn’t have to cook later on?

Agree with the pps that you need to watch her through the process of getting food out of the freezer, reheating, plating, eating and tidying up after.

does she do any shopping? how does she get good other than the meals on wheels and the fruit / veg delivery?

It might be worth having a conversation with her about any foods she really likes, as there might be options she hasn’t thought of? I remember once talking to my MIL about this and it turned out that she really loved fish but hadn’t ever really learned to cook it as it was regarded as an occasional treat. It hadn’t occurred to her that with ready meals she could have fish pie or battered fish just as often as she wanted. She was delighted.

If she really isn't eating much or at all on other days, I'd buy some complan or ensure shakes. Why isn't the daily carer making/heating a meal for lunch, and getting something out/defrosted for dinner? It does sound like need another social services review, because more support might be needed.

Ensure Nutrivigor shake vanilla RTD 220ml - Boots

Another thought if she isn't eating properly is that her vitamin and Iron levels might be low, especially her Vitamin D which can cause muscular pain and lack of oomph. Many elderly people can't be bothered taking (extra) tablets but you can now get this in spray form. I take the Vit D, Vit B12 and iron separately from this company and my health dramatically improved (was bedbound and not being given decent food by stbxh). They can be bought from Boots, Superdrug, Holland & Barrett or ordered/delivered online. Well worth the money imo.

https://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/betteryou-multivit-oral-spray-60031510

Is she in Cork? With that level.of frailty and functional decline I'd recommend getting her referred into the local ICPOP (Integrated Care Programme for Older Persons) Her GP and sometimes her PHN can do it and they will do a global assessment and identify as much as possible to keep her safely living at home.

www.irishexaminer.com/news/spotlight/arid-41227555.html

It's like a one stop.shop with Geriatrician, nursing, occupational therapy, physio, dietitian, SLT, social worker.

Can you get Parsleybox delivered in Ireland? They don’t even need to be frozen so would be easier to cook for her. Both my parents liked them. My mum wouldn’t have defrosted something in her later years.

If there is a carer going in once a day that’s a good start. Try and have them do her the lady a a warm meal, either lunch or dinner and ask them to leave a cling filmed sandwich and a yoghurt for her to have for her other meal. My mum’s carer does this - that way you know she’s eating twice a day at least. Then have a good few things like Muller Rice in the fridge and easy to eat fruit around that she can have for an easy breakfast. Little individual cartons of apple/orange juice are good too. You know a few vitamins are getting to her that way. And as someone mentioned- little pots of custard/rice pudding/jelly are good for boosting calories if need be. Having individually wrapped biscuits or little cakes are good too.

When he insisted he could cope and still had some independence, we made sure that Dad had 'ping' meals, some easy to eat fruit, instant porridge, cereals, full fat milk and yoghurts, but also a couple of calorie heavy treats, which at his age even the doctor said would not hurt him, he was late 80s. We did take him out regularly and was able to check on his appetite this way. However, when he started to loose weight and interest in food, it was connected with other developing health issues. Could you arrange to share a meal with her and see what she eats? Also, could the carer be paid to cook / sit with her and share a meal, if even soup and a roll say and again check if what she is saying is true?

Wiltshire meals are really good they also have smaller portions which are high caloried.
I found them excellent when my fil was struggling. It was also the same delivery driver each week who puts them away in the freezer.
The brochure was great for sitting down and working out what he fancied.

The important thing at this stage is calories - remember, a natural part of the end of our lives is often gradually reducing our appetite.

Sounds like quick and easy is the key here rather than quantity/quality.

I.e. no.defrosting/microwaving and having to be organised about it all.

Find out what she wants to eat rather than what it's felt she should be eating.

Cheese and crackers 'lunchables' type things, pots of jelly, protein bars, protein shakes, ready-made custard pots, yoghurts, small pork pies, sausage rolls, scotch eggs, tinned soup, cuppa soup, porridge pots, cereal bars, breadsticks.

Easy easy easy is the key.

Thank you everyone.

I agree that easy easy easy is key. I HAVE been speaking to her about what she does. She says she splits the meals on wheels meal because they are too big. I don't believe her. They aren't big and I've been taking her out for dinner and she can eat more than I do. Three courses, every scrap, no struggling. Her children have said she's like this with them too. I think it's more to do with prepping food. She has said she hates cooking but I don't think it's just that.

For her doing any meal prep ... she has a serious balance issue. It has a specific medical name. Standing for a while and prepping food (not having anything to hold on to) scares her. She has had some very very VERY bad falls. I've watched her trying to make tea, and when she lets go of her walker she gets instantly wobbly. On one occasion I caught her just before she fell backwards while she was standing facing the kitchen counter. She doesn't have the strength to pull herself back towards the counter when she wobbles backwards.

She also has arthritis in her hands, so she fumbles with opening and closing things (for example, unwrapping sweets, or popping pills out their blister packs). I've bought her a pill organiser and will ask her to get her carer in the future to help her sort them weekly. Tomorrow I'll do it.

Hearing - fine with hearing aids, and not too bad without either. Sight - needs cataract surgery but can read WhatsApp messages on her phone and Facebook etc on her phone, so will be able to manage packaging.

The suggestion of getting the carer to prep her a sandwich and yoghurt is a good one. I will also suggest her carer helps with defrosting meals. If I by any chance meet the carer before I go I'll ask her myself.

She used to have Wiltshire meals delivered but stopped because they arrive frozen (and I've been freezing meals!!). She found having to defrost first then cook them a pain. I've suggested she takes something out the night before and it will be defrosted the next day, then all she needs to do is pop it in the oven. She said she hadn't thought of that (!!) and would try them again because she really liked them. But as I said above I will also suggest she gets her carer to help with the defrosting if necessary.

I've written up her a plan of everything in the freezer now, so she can cross off items one by one and know which items need to be eaten first because I've also put down the dates. I've suggested she keep that system going so she has variety and knows what she has all the time. She can do that sitting down.

When I say she is as sharp as a tack, she really really is. She is the person I've known my whole life, being let down by her body and health. So she finds asking for help or accepting help very difficult. I have to be sensitive to that and her feelings. She also says when she falls, her overriding feeling when she knows she's ok, is fury and frustration.I think I'd be bloody pissed off with my body too if it kept letting me down.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and so sad for her. Wish we didn't all live so far away from her.

Is there a local cafe that might be able to drop meals in to her? Is the meals on wheels 3 days just due to the cost - could it be increased?

It might be worth buying her some nutrition drinks such as Ensure, which she could drink instead of preparing breakfast, for example.

Sounds like she needs 'perching stool' in the kitchen then if balance is a major issue for food prep.

Does she have a perching stool?

The Wiltshire meals can be cooked from frozen, no defrosting needed - you just put them in the microwave straight from the freezer.

With regards to her medications, in the UK, in this situation, a pharmacist would dispense medications in a dosette box, with the meds already sorted into days and times, it might be worth checking if her local pharmacist offers a similar service.

Wiltshire farm foods are mainly useful when there are carers in doing other tasks who will take the meal out of the freezer, set the oven off and serve it out.

Healthy, nutritious etc. Great if there's someone there to keep an eye on the oven and do the lifting/bending/serving. Makes relatives feel better as well that their loved one isn't surviving on sausage rolls and cream cakes.

But when you have an otherwise mentally sharp individual who just cannot be bothered to use energy they no longer have on preparing a meal then 'junk food' or grab out of the fridge or pour a kettle over type food is the answer.

At their age nutrition is mostly unimportant. Calories are where it's at, easy low effort calories. Cream cakes all the way to the end if that's what works for them.

I'm getting vibes that she is lonely and down in the dumps. These being reasons she will not make much effort in the kitchen. But then I say that as a 66 year old who leads a solitary existence and has lost all interest in preparing food and eating it. I am wondering about the possibility of her 3 sons clubbing together financially to pay for someone to give her a bit more support/especially with her meals. Also query attendance at a day centre/day care. There she would form friendships and also likely get a hot meal.