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Original poster

Do you ever think about how one thing could have changed your entire life?

39 replies

tooktyewalletyopoolsbf · 19/10/2023 18:38

Like for example if you met your partner through work but in a different reality you (or they) had got a different job and therefore you’d never met and you would likely be with someone else.

Or for example what if your parents had moved and you’d gone to a different school, or you decided on a different university - then you would have a completely different circle of friends.

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 19/10/2023 18:44

Yes I always think that had my mother not died when I was a baby my entire life would have been different.

MintyCedric · 19/10/2023 18:45

Yep. Mostly if I’d taken a year out and reapplied to uni I wanted to go to with grades in hand and a bit more maturity.

Instead I rushed into a vocational qualification which whilst sought after didn’t work for me and ended up dropping, trying something else dropping out of that, getting a job…

Eventually did the right version of the course for me in my mid twenties but by then I was in a serious relationship and partner (now XH) wasn’t willing to move in the name of my career when we were talking about marriage and kids.

That said I would t have had DD is is absolutely my greatest achievement so far 😄

CesareBorgia · 19/10/2023 18:47

Yes - most of my life-changing decisions were actually made quite casually; things I didn't really think would be important but turned out to send me in a new direction. The most obvious being that I'd never have met my husband if I hadn't at the last minute decided to go out when I'd been planning a night in front of the TV.

Libmama · 19/10/2023 18:47

Yep if I hadn’t have had sex at the exact time I did it would have been a different sperm and my children would be completely different little people!

Britneyfan · 19/10/2023 18:49

Yes, I think if I’d never met my abusive ex husband and had a child with him my life would have been very different (likely much better but who knows).

CesareBorgia · 19/10/2023 18:49

Libmama · 19/10/2023 18:47

Yep if I hadn’t have had sex at the exact time I did it would have been a different sperm and my children would be completely different little people!

Slight tangent but I was rather struck when it occurred to me that my sister is potentially me if my parents had had sex at a slightly different time!

wildwestpioneer · 19/10/2023 18:50

My parents almost negates to Australia with me and my db, my grandma got ill so they decided not to. Would have been very different if we had

Original poster
tooktyewalletyopoolsbf · 19/10/2023 18:53

I really resent that I had parents that didn’t give a crap about what university I went to and I just followed what my sister had done - like I had most of my life at that point.

If I could go back and have a better understanding of different universities I would have gone somewhere better and done a different degree.

OP posts:
CesareBorgia · 19/10/2023 18:55

My mum once told me my dad had had the opportunity to work in Germany just before I was born. I was gutted to have missed out on that experience, Germany is one of my favourite places to visit as an adult.

hairyunicorn · 19/10/2023 18:55

At 19 I went backpacking with my best mate. we had to decide where to start. She wanted to start in Central / South America, I wanted to start in SE Asia. We flipped a coin, she won so we started in Mexico.

6 weeks in I met my DH, left the planned trip and decided to return to the U.K with him. Although separated now. We were together 20 odd years and have a 18 yr old child.

I often think If I had won that coin toss and started our trip in Asia my whole life would have been different.

MabelMoo23 · 19/10/2023 18:55

That if I’d known I’d had ADHD at a younger age I may not have gone through life thinking I was shit at everything and a failure

dothehokeycokey · 19/10/2023 18:59

A giant choice/decision made by a sibling has had a 15 year toxic effect on our entire family.

Had they thought for a second wat they were doing things would be so different now

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 19/10/2023 19:01

A random stranger saved my parents from drowning two years before I was born. If he hadn't appeared at that moment they would have died and my siblings and I would never have existed. Neither would our DC or my brother's grandchild.

My parents tried afterwards to find out who he was but never did.

Occasionally I am at the place it happened and send a thankful thought to him.

ALongHardWinter · 19/10/2023 19:08

Yes! When I was 3 years old (57 years ago) my parents moved house, from one town to another about 8 miles away. They had put in an offer on a house,it had been accepted,then they were gazumped at the last minute. They eventually moved into a house that was about half a mile away from the original one. I found out many years later that if we had moved into the original house,I would have gone to a different school as it was in a different catchment area. As it turned out,I went to a much nicer primary school and met my best friend who I am still friends with today. Who knows how my life would have turned out if I hadn't met her? I probably wouldn't have gone to college (I went because she did!), met my future husband and had my lovely daughter and granddaughter.

amylou8 · 19/10/2023 19:13

Sliding doors!

DracunculusVulgaris · 19/10/2023 19:16

I echo what @MabelMoo23 said, although in my case it is autism, rather than ADHD, which has caused me so much angst, inner turmoil and feelings of failure

Sparehair · 19/10/2023 19:17

Isn’t there a book about this? About how we live millions of parallel lives depending on each fork in the road. Thing is it could be something that appears totally insignificant that would have led to a massive change had you done the other thing.

Like I might think my decision to go to a party where I met DH is significant but maybe if I’d gone to another party I’d have met someone not dissimilar to Dh and my life wouldn’t have been that different.

conversely I might decide to park in a different carpark and never think about it again as nothing happened but maybe if I’d chosen the normal carpark I’d have got murdered so it was significant but I’d never know

RaraRachael · 19/10/2023 19:19

If I'd had a different mother I'd have had a much different life. She ruled every aspect of it, even after I was married and moved away.
I always think how lovely it would have been to have a mother who allowed you to do what you wanted, not what she wanted.
Thankfully she'd dead now but too late to do anything different with my life.

DamnUserName21 · 19/10/2023 19:23

Yes, having a baby change everything about my life. Where I lived, who I lived with, my dependency on partners, my career.
For the better.

Oganesson118 · 19/10/2023 19:25

If I had bailed on a night out like I actually considered doing, I wouldn't have got together with my ex-H, which would have been a very good thing.

MerylSqueak · 19/10/2023 19:25

Yes. I met my DH because I went to check my pigeonhole one last time before leaving a job. I would never have met him because he was due to leave the country in a week. He didn't because he met me.

If hadn't the last 30 years would have been completely different. It turns out we'd been studying or working in very close proximity in various different universities for nearly a decade.

UsernameNotAvailableNow · 19/10/2023 19:25

I love my life, however I wish I’d had some guidance about university rather than going to the closest former polytechnic because it was easiest and meant I could stay home with my caring duties. It worked out fine, but I wish I had gone to Leeds and moved away.

Original poster
tooktyewalletyopoolsbf · 19/10/2023 19:33

hairyunicorn · 19/10/2023 18:55

At 19 I went backpacking with my best mate. we had to decide where to start. She wanted to start in Central / South America, I wanted to start in SE Asia. We flipped a coin, she won so we started in Mexico.

6 weeks in I met my DH, left the planned trip and decided to return to the U.K with him. Although separated now. We were together 20 odd years and have a 18 yr old child.

I often think If I had won that coin toss and started our trip in Asia my whole life would have been different.

Not relevant to the thread but are you and friend still friends after you left her to travel alone?

OP posts:
SophieTheWonderCat · 19/10/2023 19:34

Yes - if I had not had an abortion at 19
if my fiancé had not got cold feet at 21
if I had not gone to work abroad at 23
if I had got married to an American at 24
if I had not got married to my first husband
Life is a series of what ifs...

Whichwhatnow · 19/10/2023 19:34

Yes. If I hadn't met my housemate's friend and spent the night doing drugs with her, if I hadn't gone on a 6am mission to score more, if it hadn't started pissing it down just as we walked past her friend's flat and her friend just happened to be awake. I would never have met the love of my life (her friend). Married within the year and still ecstatically in love 5 years later.

I can imagine I may have had a parrellel life but I'm sure it wouldn't have compared to this one.

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