What advice would you give this person? Stuck in rut and can't get out

[ATightFeelingInMyTummy]

On paper life is okay.
DH who loves me who WFH and we live in a nice but messy too small house.
I am self-employed p/t but very chaotic.
Kind funny DC with no major issues (bit of friendship drama but nothing unexpected)
I have recently self-diagnosed as ADHD which explains chaos and job hopping in my early working life (can't call it a career)
We are v much the squeezed middle- just pulled selves off Universal Credit as DH was out of work for a while during covid.
Am perimenopausal too and suffering from headaches and psoriasis.
and a bit overweight. I feel lost.

My head knows I should:
walk more, get more exercise, eat nutritional protein.

Be more grateful (whenever I try to do that at the moment, I just hear that epic speech from America Ferrera in the barbie movie)
I am struggling to do these things and instead eating chocolate and feeling sorry for self.

I know that the answer is to break things down into tiny tiny pieces but I feel incapable.

what would you advise?

Peer pressure. Don't just try to pull yourself out of a rut, decide on the small steps to do it and make yourself accountable for them by telling the people around you in real life about them and, ideally, roping them in too. Don't forget to give yourself grace though if you've had a hard time recently as it takes a while to build the energy back up.

Thank you for replying - yes peer pressure is probably a good idea.

Stop buying chocolate this week and spend the money on your favourite piece of protein instead. Make something good with it.

Then just choose one day a week and go for a walk for 30 mins. Put some of your favourite music on and just walk.

Being stuck in a rut takes small steps but it is possible. You have identified three things which can start to be addressed in two steps so just start with those.

I feel this too:

Are you me??

Are we all feeling this way and no one is saying anything?

HRT.

Vitamin D and multivitamins. Start with your walk. Up your protein. Go to bed on time.

Just get those foundations right first. Then move to the next step.

Tiny changes in habit. Like a new perfume or nail varnish, or going to bed every day 20 mins earlier for a chapter of book. Coffee in town once a week with a notebook to think about your week and make lists, including not just what you NEED to do, but also what you WANT to do. Not putting pressure on yourself to change ("I really should do/be x") but more "I'd like to do y" or ""I'm really interested in z". Be generous to yourself and frame your support to yourself as if you are your own best friend.

My ds has diagnosed ADHD and the one thing that seems to help is exercise. He functions so much better when he makes that a priority. Otherwise he slips down the slope of junk food etc. He also writes up on a whiteboard each day his top things to do as it keeps him focused.
My top tip for a supplement is Complete Woman from Boots as it contains everything so only need to think of one thing. My dh is in the medical field and says it seems to cover all bases and it has helped me enormously. Not working for Boots or anything!!

Try joining in this thread...

Monthly check in thread

I really understand where you are coming from, we live in a house we have been in for nearly 10 years now, it was a do-upper, we did most of it, but the hall, the connecting part to three floors is bare walls, old carpet or bare wood. We just lost steam.
Both of us are Autistic and struggle to manage to "as much" in a day as some NT's might, we need more down time. My husband works from home too, so I can't even get on with DIY for the disturbance it would cause.

I'm even writing this now with day 3 of a hormonal headache!

Start by adding some stuff you feel might help, get a water bottle to remind you to drink more water, add in some seasonal fruits that are really nice right now, English apples and pears, figs, the first Spanish citrus is arriving.

ADHD is really hard. If you'd consider medication at any point it's worth getting on one of the (endless!) waiting lists for diagnosis. Medication has made a difference to me. But actually just the diagnosis, which I got about 7 years before medication, helped so much as I started to really accept it rather than constantly second guessing and wondering if I was just lazy/disorganised/a bit of a mess.

I have found learning about ADHD really helps me. And then a big change I've made over the last year or two is listening to this podcast called A Slob Comes Clean. This sounds silly but she is a "naturally messy person" who decided that she really needed to get a handle on this and blogged about it. Found that people actually wanted to read it. The more readers she got the more motivated she was to blog which meant she was more motivated to figure things out and it sort of snowballed. She's fantastic at calling out the hilariously wrong things that I tend to think about "stuff" and tasks and time management and goals and space in my house - it's ostensibly about cleaning, but it's really about so much more. It seems like she probably also has undiagnosed ADHD, based on a lot of things she says.

The ADHD diagnosis makes a difference.

But generally, re being in a rut (I have to employ this a lot myself!), think about a few small, discrete areas where you can make a difference. Then focus on a 5% improvement.

It's really hard to aim for complete overhaul!

What's the one thing you could do to improve each key area just a little? Ideally you can then build on each step.

gosh I have been away and come back to these replies.
Thanks for your kindness.
I think I have that book about a slob comes clean somewhere in the depths of my kindle.
but not sure about the podcast - I listen to the KC davies one and the Mel Robbins one and they have been making me cry - I feel quite close to tears a lot of the time.

I lost some of today to a migraine but have been catching up on work stuff and am starting to slightly feel less behind.
I had an appt with the doctorr before about HRT - i see an acunpuncurist that I can't really afford - that is the small treat I have (aside from chocolate) I had a short walk today and a cooler shower - both made me feel better - and I haven't had any chocolate so these are all the tiniest of baby steps.

Still feel massively broke too and want to sell lots of the clutter - have some nice clothes that don't fit and know I should def free myself of the guilt of those.
but know from experience that (1) listing takes ages (2) that on FB marketplace people are FLAKEY and (3) boot sales don't really make much (did one in the summer)
so irked and frustrated by that.

There is also vinted for the clothes which isn't too bad. Make it as easy as possible for yourself!

Sounds like you've made a good start.

KC Davis is a therapist and believes in radical acceptance, so a lot of her content is quite likely to trigger crying if you're feeling low and unsupported and hopeless.

Dana / Slob is much more upbeat and "Let's get on with this today!" and "Here's what's going on in my life" which is less likely to provoke emotion and more likely to help me get up and do stuff IME.

Agree Vinted good for clothes, doesn't take as long to do as Ebay, but if you need to release yourself from the guilt and just donate them - just donate them.

This is supposed to be really really good - it is expensive though but maybe a Christmas present? Look at some video reviews if you want to get an idea of what it is.

https://anti-planner.com/shop/the-anti-planner-how-to-get-sht-done-when-you-dont-feel-like-it/

Eat more warmed up pasta. Seriously. It's this week's 'Just One Thing' on the BBC Sounds podcast.

More in general, try listening to that and doing whatever it recommends for a week. If it works, brilliant. If it doesn't, there's always next week's to try.

?? What is the warmed up pasta supposed to help with?

Becomes 'resistant starch' and lowers glucose levels.

Just wanted to say I can relate to this. Diet isn't great (seem to live on pasta), feeling constantly behind, not exercising enough etc. Agree with everything feeling overwhelming, particularly trying to fit in doing things around looking after kids, but then I'm not great at being properly present when I am with them. And have a huge pile of kids clothes that I need to sort into sell/donate and then get on vinted but terrible in the evenings and on my phone too much (although kindle app means a lot of it is actually reading atm). Anyway, just wanted to empathise. Although one thing I do is walk because it's how I get to/from work most of the time, and I get some time to listen to podcasts etc. Are there any regular journeys that you could look at changing to walking?