Message from beyond the grave

[fuffa]

I do a lot of family history research. Through my interest I discovered a family member doesn't have the birth father they thought they did.

This family member is happy for me to help them discover their birth father and I have spent some time investigating this.

Today, I spoke to another family member who went to a spiritualist last night and had a message to pass onto me telling me to stop delving into the past. It is believed the message is from the man who we all thought was the birth father but isn't.

I'm not looking to discuss how I came to discover this about the claimed birth father, or how this family member now knows their father isn't their birth father. I'm looking to find out people's opinions or whether you would stop investigating based on the message received last night.

You are talking of an 'entertainment' setting. I am referring to services held within the Spiritualist Church. It makes no difference to me whether anybody on here believes or not. I know what I believe and don't need to prove a thing to anyone. The accuracy of any message is, in my view, dependent on the level of skill/experience of the Medium and the quality of the information passed through by Spirit. But I have no more to say on the matter.

Op, you could shut down the family member who relayed you the message from the dead by saying that have held a seance and (famous dead person) came through and told you to carry on investigating.

Even if this message is real (which it isn't) it's irrelevant. They don't get to dictate, whether they are dead or alive. It's up to the person who doesn't know who their birth father is. They are entitled to know who their father is, and the decision to proceed is no-one else's business.

The message is a pile of crap. But are you, and more importantly the "child" prepared for finding out unpleasant things? Rape is one of the first negative possibilities that comes to mind.

A friend who was a confirmed non-believer was dragged by a girlfriend to see Colin Fry ten or fifteen years ago. He still gets goosebumps from the message he received. It was incredibly specific and related to what seems to be a unique set of circumstances involving the children of a person with families in two different countries.

Their reaction to you not stopping would confirm to me that it's them who wants you to stop.

If we're taking this from the perspective of someone who believes in mediums and spiritualism - just because someone dead wanted you to stop investigating, what makes the person receiving the message so sure that the dead person is in the right? If the man chose to bring up someone else's child as his own and didn't want to tell the child the truth, which he could have done, why would his opinion on the matter change just because he'd died? I'd see it as natural that he'd say that. Doesn't mean you should listen/obey.

Why does the relative who received the message think a dead person's opinion holds more sway than that of the living child who wants to investigate? Why are the dead deemed to be somehow more important or intelligent than the living?

I don't have an opinion on the message being genuine or not. Firstly, because although I believe in mediums, I also believe the majority are cold readers/charlatans and I've no idea which type you relative saw. Secondly, even the medium and the relative receiving the message can't be sure who the message was from. It may not have been from the non-birth-father at all, but from someone else with an agenda. Did they even specifically name you? "Tell OP to stop investigating so-and-so's birth father" is a lot different to "tell the blond-haired woman to stop digging up the past", for example. Maybe the message had nothing to do with you at all. Thirdly, even if the message was genuine and from who you think and sent in good faith, and even if the dead have additional knowledge about the future of the living, it doesn't necessarily mean something dire will happen if you keep investigating. It could mean you'll never discover the truth and so it would be a waste of your time trying. No need for your relative to be "aghast". That's assuming, fourthly, that your relative didn't just make the whole thing up to get you to stop digging.

I would carry on assisting the living child to find their birth father. Even if it does turn out to be an awful situation, that doesn't necessarily mean they'll regret looking and wish they didn't know.

Did the family member not know this information before you found it on Ancestry? I can't imagine thinking it's OK to take that info to someone?! Did they already have doubts?

I do have experience of family members sticking their noses in via Ancestry and it's caused so much distress. My Mum is adopted and doesn't want to find her birth Mum, which is 100% her decision. One of her bitch cousins went digging and found her birth Mum and her sisters. My Mum is so upset. It's an absolutely outrageous overstep and we will never have anything to do with her again.

Sometimes digging gets you nothing but dirt.

Interesting

I doubt the message from beyond the grave happened. I think you need to ask yourself why the relative doesn’t want you to dig any further?

I found out some really awful stuff about recent ancestors doing research. You must realise it could be the equivalent of throwing a hand grenade into someone’s life?

This for sure

And I am a believer (about all that is woo woo) but in this case your disapproving living relative is being duplicitous, I am sure

What a strange situation

Go with your gut.

I've literally been at shows where it happens.
I've also seen Derren Brown do it, and he freely confesses that he uses cold reading (he did a whole event showing how it worked, and how it appeared genuine).

But in this case, the person most closely involved, the adult child of the unknown father, wants to know the truth — it’s very different to your mother’s situation. I can imagine her upset, but the fact is that DNA ancestry testing kits now mean that no one actually needs to be digging maliciously in order to discover information someone else doesn’t want disclosed — if enough people have tested, adopted people will just appear among their birth families as a mystery relative, and someone may contact them without knowing they don’t want contact.

Look into Barnum statements. Derren Brown explains them in this short YouTube video.

As others have said it’s clearly the living relative covering something up which is fascinating!

As for “mediums/spiritualists” they’re total bastards praying on the vulnerable. If there was a hell they’d be a special place there reserved for them 🤬. Fuckers.

😂

I think you need to manage your relative’s expectations. If he is still alive, the ‘father’ might not want to know her or it might destroy his existing family if an unknown child/sibling appears. Suppose he is a sex offender or criminal.

If his kids or nieces/nephews or siblings have their dna on Ancestry he may be identifiable even if he knows nothing about it.

Forgot to post the link!

It's bollocks, clearly.

Of course it's up to the child of the unknown father to decide, and no one else.

I'm very much a believer in "the other side" but no way is that message legit. The family member who told you knows the truth. Perhaps you should sit down with them and find out why they don't want you to carry on. Maybe there's a very good reason not to?

For those doubting this is a real post, feel free to report me to MN as opposed to troll hunting. They will be able to tell you I've been here >10 years under various usernames.

The birth father will no longer be alive.

I have been doing traditional family tree research for many years, this was discovered through a DNA test that I did to help me solve a parentage puzzle elsewhere in my family.

I doubt the person who went to the spiritualist knows the truth but I suppose it's a possibility. They generally want things left in the past and don't like to go over things that may have happened.

No, I wouldn't. Even if the message was genuine (I do personally believe in these things but I also believe there are a lot of phonies out there trying to con vulnerable people), I don't think anyone - dead or alive - has the right to say, let's just keep this a secret and you don't have a right to uncover the truth about where you come from. I think your family member has a right to know, even if it makes others - spooks included - uncomfortable.

That said, this is quite possibly like my mum who supposedly went to therapy when I requested it and the only thing she claimed her therapist discussed with her was how I needed to get over the past, stop making her think about things too deeply, and pretend all the shit she did never happened. 🙄She didn't actually see any therapist, but she pretended to in the hopes that she could manipulate me to do what she wanted if she delivered this message 'from the therapist'.

The problem with readings like this is that people will find a way to make what they're hearing fit with their own situation, even (especially) if it's quite vague and easy to interpret in multiple ways. If your family member is aware there might be a secret (even if they don't know what the secret is exactly), and they were also aware that you've been doing family tree research, especially if they know you've taken a DNA test, they are much more likely to make that connection.

As this was a general 'does this apply to anyone here' reading that your family member recognised as being for themselves, plus you've said they tend to want things left in the past, this makes me think it's more likely to be confirmation bias than anything else.

For what it's worth I'm pretty open minded about woo stuff...but having dipped my toe into psychic readings I've only ever seen myself being fooled in the moment then later, when I listened back to the recordings, realising the readings weren't specific to me at all - it only seemed they were because I'd filled in the blanks myself without realising I was doing it at the time.

OP I forgot to include an important part of my own puzzle on my heir hunters post upthread.

After all the investigations and discovery of about 18 of us in various countries (who didn't know each other), we were VERY strongly advised at the end of probate, to take out a one off insurance policy on subsequent claimants, to the tune of about 1 mill. It was suspected but never evidenced that our adopted relative might have had a dodgy wedding overseas at some point - and who knows, children too - and so should that emerge they would override all of us to inherit his considerable estate.

If it turned out your friend was in this position...well, you can see why there might be vested interests long after their death.

I hope you get to the bottom of it, but someone is clearly trying to manipulate here for reasons currently unknown.
Good luck! X