I have to burn the house down

[OctoblocksAssemble]

Yes, I am being melodramatic, but desperately need to let out some of the misery before I explode.
Our kitchen is horrible. House also pretty grim but no money to fix or move. Not only is everything shabby, tatty, falling apart but we have way too much clutter. I'm trying to sort that, but around kids and study it's so hard. Last night I finally got kids to bed (one of them sick), when elder dd requested her heat up penguin. Down I go to the microwave, flick the kitchen light on and something black, 2-3cm high, maybe 5-7cm long, black as the night and fast as the wind scurries out from under the table and into the Corner of Doom (aka massive clutter pile in a weird alcove thing in the kitchen). Literally shaking, I heat up the penguin and get out of there, leaving on the hall light to hopefully keep it at bay.
It was either a freaking massive spider of the type I haven't had to deal with for years, a mouse or a cockroach. I know technically spider is the best outcome, but even then, I feel absolutely sick. From the movement I am leaning towards spider, but it was way too fast to actually see what it was. Not been brave enough to investigate, plus sick younger dd is glued to me today.
Talk me down, before I commit insurance fraud....

Oh my goodness, you've a braver woman than me I would have set fire to the house already!

Where did it come out from? Sounds like a spider if it was black, although I suppose it could have been a small rat (sorry!)

If you're in the kitchen can you hear any noises from where it went?

I'm sure it's long gone by now and once you have had a good clear out of clutter you'll feel much better....just have someone standing by with a frying pan when you move all that stuff 🤣

Thank you, I do not feel brave at all, I left the downstairs light on and then hid under the duvet literally shaking until I fell asleep. Although as I feel very cold today I think not all the shaking was fear 😅
It was sat under the dining table (kitchen dinner).
There was no noise as it went to ground which does make me lean towards spider. I certainly hope it wasn't a rat!
When I feel brave enough I will sort the clutter wearing marigolds and welly boots. In the meantime I hope my resident cellar spiders get off their bums and do the job I employ them for!

Haha well you're braver than me, I wouldn't have been staying in the house 🤣

Let's hope the cellar spiders 'manage' the intruder for you, let us know what you find!

I reckon a mouse, sorry op. I don’t think spiders and cockroaches are fast enough. I once had a rat run across my legs in bed. I kicked my leg out and flung it off the bed with a massive thump. Caught it in a humane trap the next day. I have a cat now 🤣

You need a cat

Sadly my capacity to care for living things is totally maxed out at present. Otherwise I would consider this!

Look for mouse droppings. If you have seen a mouse, there might be more.

A cat is the answer to any of the possibilities

The issue I have found is as the cat gets older and lazier they get less invested in hunting spiders etc. So then you need a kitten to go with the cat, it's basically a cat pyramid scheme

Also you may find that if you praise the cat too much for catching spiders in future they deliberately herd the spiders into your bedroom at night so that you will wake up, see them catch the spider and praise them...

Or maybe it's just my cat....

Nooooo! Although the way it fled from the light made me wonder (that and the size).
Might try a humane trap and see what happens.

It sounds like it was probably a mouse. And mice never arrive alone.

I know it sounds overwhelming, but I think if you started to tackle the clutter, you could probably tolerate the shabby falling-apartness a bit more. You’ll have to tackle the kitchen clutter pile first if it’s attracting mice. Just grab some bin bags and be ruthless. None of that “Oh it might come in useful later” nonsense. If you don’t have the space for it - get rid.

Having survived a house fire I can assure you it's not a nice thing to go through.
I get that your thread is lighthearted but there are easier ways of fixing a house up than burning it down!

Fire seems like a reasonable option but I’m laughing at @Insommmmnia cat pyramid scheme!!
I try to send my dog after any crawlies but he’s terrified of everything and hides behind me so whatever the answer to your house guest is it’s not a Labrador 🤣

Cat ownership sounds fraught with peril...

@RosesAndGin sorry you went through that, hope you are OK now. I don't mean to make light of actual house fires.

All fine thank you 😊 I totally got that your thread was lighthearted but it still stings when I think about it all.
Definitely get a cat instead 😂

I have been where you are.
Start with decluttering.
If you can afford it and have anywhere you can put a kallax unit (buy the cheap storage containers off Amazon), you can start sorting and getting stuff categorised and off the floor/out of corners. If not, get some stackable lidded cardboard boxes off Amazon and use those.
Get mouse traps.
Sorry, but the humane ones are a waste of time and money because unless you release the occupant miles away, they will come straight home again. They breed rapidly and always have big families.

Once you get stuff off the floor, go round with gorilla tape and seal every single crack in the skirting boards/ around switches and sockets/windows. Do one room at a time.

Starve them out, no crumbs, no scraps, no food in bedrooms, no dirty dishes sitting about. We had to store food in those big plastic boxes with lids.

If it was a mouse you will see droppings. Google what to look for, they are really obvious.

It took a few weeks, but once we got rid, they never got back in.

@OctoblocksAssemble

Eurgh!!! I don't mind any of the above critters IF they're under control. But just running loose around the place, no way!!

I could blather on for hours about a lady called Dana K White. She teaches a decluttering that really works. She developed it herself for herself after trying many methods that didn't work.

it's brilliant because you NEVER make the space worse, you never have piles of stuff at the end if the time you spend decluttering and so you can do 5 minutes and be in a better place, you don't need huge chunks of time to see improvements.

you can listen to her podcasts, listen to or read her books.

i have helped people in a real hoarder state to sort their houses out (family/friends) it works!!

short guide to start

you need a rubbish bag (preferably black)
a box/bag/any container to put donations in, the box/bag/container needs to be donated too.

snd start in one space (I think your kitchen!!) and just throw away (or recycle) any actual rubbish, nothing that's 'difficult like kid's drawings), just actual rubbish (wrappers, out of date food, etc) put anything you are happy to donate without thought in the donate box.

the space will be 'better' & you'll see the progress!! Work on it for as long as you're able, but even 5 minutes will make a difference!!

My partner definitely saw a mouse last month and we still have not caught it (them? 😱) in any of the several humane traps we have. 😖 Oh, and no droppings!! They are very fast and can be really small. Sorry OP. But mouse solidarity at least. fist bump

I laughed at the cat pyramid scheme too 🤣🤣

I also recommend a declutter of one room a day/over two days/a weekend - whatever, depending on how bad it is. I am then ruthless with recycling, donating or chucking out stuff or even putting good stuff on Vinted if I don’t use or need it anymore. This is a painful process but also cathartic and really makes me think “Do I actually need this totally novelty plastic item?” when next in a shop about to make an impulse buy. I do one at the start of each season. We will be going for ‘less is more’ at Christmas too. Eg fewer high quality toys rather than loads of tat and I’ve asked for vouchers for something like a manicure or spa treatment - which I actually could do with rather than something I don’t need or isn’t particularly my style/a good fit etc.

So channel your inner Marie Kondo.

I second the recommendation for Dana K. White - she's got really good ideas and she gets what it's like to be overwhelmed.

If your creature was a mouse or rat then you will find droppings, so if there are none anywhere then you might be ok. Big autumn house spiders can move pretty fast and are black so that would be my bet.

Thank you for the advice. I'm not an intentional hoarder, its literally just finding the time while trying not to fail my course, but sorting kitchen does need to be a priority.

If it is a mouse get some pet rats - mice hate the smell of them so will vacate your house pronto

If it's mice you'll smell them. Stinks of wee.

Have a rummage under the junk pile, see if you can spot their droppings. If there's no smell and no droppings around the edges of the room and behind furniture then you've probably just got a tarantula. Spray some spidex around the skirtings and ignore it.

Although described as cruel - the only thing I have caught mice with are the ''sticky pads'' - nothing else works for me. I think it is a mouse chez vous.