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Original poster

I'm a counsellor-if you were my client, how bad would this be?

117 replies

Counseller · 16/10/2023 19:11

I was talking to a client, video call, from my sitting room. I have an office but often work from the sitting room if I am doing online sessions. I live alone so it isn't a problem

My dog walker brought my dog back early. I didn't expect this, my client wouldn't have even known about it if I was sitting somewhere different but they'd have seen the door open and the walker take the dog's lead off and the dog come in. Dog walker didn't come in-never does after a walk as the lead hangs up right next to the door.

This is a long-term client who is very comfortable with me. I apologised-dog walker didn't do anything other than literally drop the dog off so it was a few seconds at most, I paused the session and I gave her a couple of minutes longer, she did not seem at all bothered about it.

If you were my client, how bad would you think this would be? I am confident they weren't at all perturbed by it but I feel it was so unprofessional! Nothing like this has happened before.

OP posts:

howaboutchocolate · 16/10/2023 22:43

newamsterdam · 16/10/2023 22:34

Client saying they are not bothered does not meant they are not bothered.

Show quote history

Exactly. If this happened during my counselling session I would probably say oh don't worry, it's fine, these things happen. But inside I'd be shutting down and not feel like I could open up as much any more. Someone else appearing during a private counselling session, however briefly, is very off putting.

Hearing my DH wandering around the house during mine really puts me off even though he knows everything I would be talking about, it's just the idea of someone else disrupting that vulnerable state of mind you go into. I ask him to stay in one room while I'm doing it.

MargaretThursday · 16/10/2023 22:44

newamsterdam · 16/10/2023 22:34

Client saying they are not bothered does not meant they are not bothered.

Show quote history

Unfortunately this is true.
I would totally be saying no problem.
I would not necessary have found it not a problem.

It has been done, so if I was there then there would be no point in saying anything.

HRTQueen · 16/10/2023 22:44

We can’t answer this as it’s about your client and how they feel

This would absolutely break some clients trust and for others it wouldn’t both them at all

only you client can answer this

HRTQueen · 16/10/2023 22:46

Yes that true saying that are not bothered wouldn’t necessarily mean they aren’t

BackAgainstWall · 16/10/2023 22:48

You sound highly competent and professional.

I totally understand where you are coming from, but I have to say you are extremely hard on yourself!

Echio · 16/10/2023 23:00

Echoing the few that feel it may be a 'problem' of some sort and worth bringing up again just to make absolutely sure, and also outline your new security methods.

Now I'm in a good place, I can totally see it as not something to get remotely worried about. But there are times from years ago, when I was in therapy, when I'd have felt extremely vulnerable, potentially some sort of violation of confidentiality / trust, and it sounds silly but I'd suddenly be letting all sorts of thoughts cascade like if you allowed this to happen, you didn't really care, blah blah blah, it's all a disaster... So, while it wasn't a biggie at all, it's just that your client is potentially not going to be in a position to see it that way. So -yep just bring it up next time- hopefully all is well, you sound really conscientious so I'm sure it'll all be fine :)

StarDolphins · 16/10/2023 23:05

This wouldn’t bother me at all. I’d be glad to see your dog too!

nocoolnamesleft · 16/10/2023 23:08

I would find that...at the very least disconcerting. Another person invading a confidential safe space.

Enko · 16/10/2023 23:20

I think it is something you should take to supervision.
Why is it bothering you this much?

FlamingoFloss · 16/10/2023 23:21

Not an issue

Rosecoffeecup · 16/10/2023 23:22

I wouldn't care at all. I've had a face to face sessions where the doorbell has gone and the therapist has had to answer it. That's life, it happens to all of us.

I'd be more miffed if I was later asked how it made me feel.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 16/10/2023 23:23

I’d not have given it even a moment’s thought.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2023 23:26

As a client, I'd want some reassurance at the next session about where you were and the steps you've taken today and going forward to avoid interruptions

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2023 23:29

Counseller · 16/10/2023 22:33

I don't expect people to read all my posts, but walker didn't hear anything as I heard the door open and stopped, apologised and by the time I'd explained my walker was just returning the dog, walker had disappeared, it was literally a matter of a few seconds, door open, lead hung up, gone.

It's not the same room, but my house is quite open-plan-a 'doorway' to that room if you will, not a wide one but it is a different room.

I wear noise cancelling headphones, walker didn't hear anything.
Not dismissing your other concerns of course-I realise it shouldn't have happened hence the thread (which discloses nothing at all about the client nor the session itself).

So I think you need to go over all that with the client next time for their sense of safety

CandyLeBonBon · 16/10/2023 23:33

Honedtöu op i think it depends on the topic you were working on, and your client's state at the time.

There have been times when I would have found that intrusive and times when I wouldn't, depending on the topic and my sensitivity at the time. Sometimes you just don't want your counsellor distracted.

But if that wasn't the case with your client then probably just mice on but maybe consider options going forward?

CurlewKate · 16/10/2023 23:41

You do have a supervisor, don't you? Because you haven't mentioned the posts saying this is something you should take to supervision....

newamsterdam · 16/10/2023 23:43

BackAgainstWall · 16/10/2023 22:48

You sound highly competent and professional.

I totally understand where you are coming from, but I have to say you are extremely hard on yourself!

She's posting her mistakes on MN. Clearly not that professional!

Original poster

Counseller · 16/10/2023 23:49

Sorry! I've not had time to respond to all the posts.

Yes I do have a supervisor but I am not due to see her for a couple of weeks-I mainly wanted to know what people would think if they were my client. She's amazing, but she can't really answer that. I don't have many clients so don't need to see her more often-counselling isn't my main job.

@Enko it isn't really bothering me. I do tend to think about things like this, It's happened, It's one of those things, I couldn't have predicted it, it never has happened before, I do think I know my client well enough to know they'd probably have not had an issue with it-as I've said they're a long term client who I know very well. But I just thought it may give me some insight if I asked impartial people.

Having said that, I am definitely going to take steps to make sure It's very unlikely to happen again.

My face to face sessions haven't gone up for a good few years. Since things went digital. I do charge significantly less for online. It just wouldn't be fair and I'd feel uncomfortable with charging the same as for face to face.

OP posts:

Whoisthatatthedoor · 17/10/2023 00:08

MargaretThursday · 16/10/2023 20:41

I think it would depend on what I was saying at the time.

If I was talking calmly about things that didn't effect me too badly, then I'd probably think it was funny.
If I was distressed, talking about deeply personal things then I'd probably shut down on you, and not open up again. I'd always be wondering if someone was going to walk in.

I've a couple of friends doing counselling at the moment, and they're both very emotionally vulnerable, and I think with both of them they'd probably cancel tomorrow and not come back. They took a long time to work up to coming, and that would just finish it.

I agree with this.

I once had a horrible experience during a counselling session in counsellor’s own house when I was once overheard by their family member when talking about something very personal and traumatic. That was pretty bloody awful. The house was supposed to be empty. I wouldn’t have any sessions from someone’s home again.

In your situation as a client I might be momentarily alarmed but hopefully quickly twig that they couldn’t hear me and couldn’t see me or identify me so it would feel less violating. Although after my experience above I wouldn’t have online therapy either for anything very personal.

A follow up tomorrow might be appropriate as lots of people tend to overthink and feel vulnerable after sessions so some reassurance might be helpful. And of course you will know that sometimes clients talk about many other subjects before opening up about serious stuff so this could affect her and the counselling relationship even if she said she was fine at the time.

I’m also not sure that you should have posted this, as if your client is also a MNer then it could be unsettling to read about. But maybe she is also on MN reading threads to see if it’s happened to anyone else.

Gymnopedie · 17/10/2023 01:42

I mainly wanted to know what people would think if they were my client. She's amazing, but she can't really answer that.

Neither can we. But you absolutely should bring it up in supervision. Whether it was deliberate or not, it really shouldn't have happened and as a responsible counsellor you should admit it to your supervisor.

Having said that, I am definitely going to take steps to make sure It's very unlikely to happen again.

Having said that, I am definitely going to take steps to make sure it will never happen again.

Fixed it for you.

@Counseller I think you should blur your background.

Definitely not. Many clients would wonder what the background was concealing. Others in the room?

WhoAteAllTheDinosaurs · 17/10/2023 07:08

Talk to your supervisor about this.
Don't EVER post anything about your clients on social media. Even if not named, there is a chance they might recognise themselves, and that is not fair.
take steps to make sure this doesn't happen again.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 17/10/2023 07:23

off · 16/10/2023 19:21

Being honest, then in terms of the principle, I would probably feel unimpressed that you hadn't ensured privacy for our session and would consider it a minor lapse of professionalism, yes. Sorry.

But in practice I'm very unlikely to know your dog-walker, and would have been able to stop talking about anything private the moment I saw the door open anyway, so it's less of a confidentiality issue and more that it might throw me off for a little while — push me out of that state of mind that I'm in a safe, private space where I'm able to be open and vulnerable with someone I can trust. And depending on the circumstances, I might take a few sessions to fully regain my previous level of comfort with opening up and being vulnerable.

If it was my first or second session with you, I might find another therapist, but if I'd been seeing you for a while and knew and trusted you, I'd just chalk it up as one of those things that goes wrong sometimes, because everyone fucks up from time to time.

I feel the same but this is also why I wouldn't consider therapy via zoom.

ehb102 · 17/10/2023 08:25

It was unfortunate, it wasn't ideal, but things do happen. I set things out with my online clients about what to do if a session gets interrupted - loss of connection is the modern way, building on fire was what I used to say.

You're not a perfect untouchable high priestess of mental health speaking from another dimension, you're human in the real world. Stuff happens. It's okay, you just bank against it when you know their is a possibility of it happening.

BlurredEdges · 17/10/2023 08:35

I wouldn't continue to see a therapist if this happened and i would feel very distressed about what might have happened in the past.

I think you think it's quite cute and not really a problem, and posting the pic of your dog makes you totally identifiable.

I wouldn't be comfortable about any of it.

BlurredEdges · 17/10/2023 08:36

P.s.i really don't understand why you wouldn't use your home office, this is presumably why you have one.

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