Should I inform school re Y8 class Snapchat - degrading language

[Bedbugsgalore]

DS is in Y8 and has, rightly, been given an internal exclusion for saying to a boy “suck your mum.” I’m beyond disgusted and fully support the school. I asked DS if he knew what it meant. He said no and that other kids say it. I came home and searched his Snapchat and am utterly disgusted and horrifed by what I’ve seen:

xx CHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO HOT MILFS 🍑
xx CHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO SEB JUST STFU
xx CHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO BIG BOOTY LATINAS
xxCHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO HOT MILFS

Why r u sitting next to xx
He's gonna rape u

I check his Snapchat daily and am very strict about his phone use.

I don’t want it to look like tit for tat, but do I inform school? These are 12 year olds. This language just seems very normal.

That's vile! I'd make the school aware. You also need a chat with DS re. language, sex incl. consent, misogyny and respect

I’m horrified on your behalf - I am not sure it’s a school issue though, but I would be massively restricted his phone use and possibly deleting Snapchat.

Is this normal for 12 year olds? I feel so shocked and confused. I sort of think it is a school issue as he was given an exclusion for use of foul language. He’s far from perfect, but I really don’t believe he knows what any of these terms mean.

Snapchat is your and the other parents' responsibility. By all means let the school know but this is down to you. You clearly are not checking carefully enough. What will you do now? I presume you have taken snapchat off his phone.

He was added to the group today. I check his Snap daily for this sort of shit.

Sorry it's a school issue Why? Do the school do snapchat lessons??
You provided him with a phone and internet access. You are in charge of what he looks at. The idea that he has no idea what this means is laughable. You are seriously naive if you believe your poor little boy has no idea.

Perhaps you right @cansu . Perhaps he knows more than I thought.

So if he was only added today, why has he been using foul language?
I think you need a reality check. Teens use foul language. They get caught using it at school so they get punished. They learn quickly to not get caught by not using it in the presence of adults or by not using it to students who will report them.

@cansu I’m perfectly willing to accept he uses foul language with his peers. I haven’t heard it at home. Haven’t seen in being used in any of his WhatsApp or Snapchat messages I’ve monitored.

Delete Snapchat. It's vile. A vehicle for bullying, misogyny, racism etc. No Snapchat or no phone. Despite what they say, it's possible to exist without snap!

I thought Snapchat’s terms and conditions said that users had to be 13+, if you’re letting him use WhatsApp and Social Media so young I don’t see how this is schools problem?

So he uses it when you can't see and hear it. In many ways this is good. He understands that context is everything. This time he made a mistake and has a consequence. He has to take that on the chin and learn from it.

Parent allows child to use app below age limit of app.
Child uses app in a way parent finds inappropriate.
Parent reports to school for them to deal with the issue.

I see this time and time again at work. If you are going to allow your child access to things then it is your responsibility as parent to monitor and intervene when necessary. The school can only have so much control when children have access to these things with parents’ knowing consent.

What exactly do you want from 'school'?

You are the parent and provide the phone/data...

Yes, notify school especially as they're chatting on it about things happening at school (sitting next to specific people) and making comments about specific people being rapists. Schools have a duty to be proactive on cyber-bullying and to teach children about e-safety. This is something we would discuss with our pupils (and have done so in the past) as it has the potential to spill over into school.

Pretty sure that as a 12 year old in the 70s my friends and I used to say some pretty questionable stuff , not really knowing what it actually meant. Luckily no smartphones back then so no come back.
Can you block Snapchat off his phone?

Thanks all for your perspectives.

😂😂 ok, yeah, he's completely oblivious. Right.

It's definitely normal for 12 year olds. It was when I was at school in the 00s and I can only imagine it's worse now!

Your child, your responsibility. I wouldn't have let my DS use Snapchat at that age. The stories vanish so it's very easy to bully and do things undetected.

Those are porn categories....what else are they accessing?

Please do inform the school, as I think they would really want to be addressing this as early on as possible.

Unfortunately it is really normal for 12 year olds. Language today seems foul. The school do have a duty re pupils and their use of phones so I would let them know. It’s horrible but the Genie is out of the bottle now, we can’t go back to a time without phones, the only thing we can do is encourage good behaviour and a reminder that digital means it can stick around for ever!

If 12 year olds, Y8, are using this language, then deleting Snapchat isn't going to resolve it, is it?

As a teacher, I think it's worth informing the Head of Year and then they can decide what they do with this information - it might form part of a wider picture.

So you have seen that and not immediately deleted his Snapchat? You are basically letting him juggle knives in a room full of kids.
Delete it, he is not old enough to understand what he is doing.

Tell the school if you like, however be prepared for them to give you a well deserved hard time.... why should the school clean up your mess? It incenses me how much teaching time is taken up dealing with what boils down to lazy parenting.