Should I inform school re Y8 class Snapchat - degrading language

[Bedbugsgalore]

DS is in Y8 and has, rightly, been given an internal exclusion for saying to a boy “suck your mum.” I’m beyond disgusted and fully support the school. I asked DS if he knew what it meant. He said no and that other kids say it. I came home and searched his Snapchat and am utterly disgusted and horrifed by what I’ve seen:

xx CHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO HOT MILFS 🍑
xx CHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO SEB JUST STFU
xx CHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO BIG BOOTY LATINAS
xxCHANGED THE GROUP NAME TO HOT MILFS

Why r u sitting next to xx
He's gonna rape u

I check his Snapchat daily and am very strict about his phone use.

I don’t want it to look like tit for tat, but do I inform school? These are 12 year olds. This language just seems very normal.

Odd response from the op..

Just delete the app and set up parental controls so he can't add it back without your permission.

I agree swearing is normal but what you are describing is worse than just swearing. He needs to know when to leave a group chat. Otherwise he'll end up like those police officers who egged each other on with disgusting language and behaviour and rightly lost their jobs and reputations.

Yea I would. I would also wonder where he is hearing phrases like that? What internet access /apps does he have? Your kid is watching porn btw that much is obvious so I think you really need to start talking to him about real life vs porn etc

With the exception of the rape comment I think it’s pretty normal for Year 8.

But, the school should be informed because of the rape comment. It is totally unacceptable to joke about rape and the school will want to know.

Yer it's normal. I don't think they often know what these things mean and if they do they definitely don't mean it.

I would sit him down and in a calm, but humiliatingly comprehensive way, go through every single bloody comment on there and give him an entire feminist lecture on why it was inappropriate and why he should not be subscribing to his mates’ puerile and misogynistic porn-informed worldviews.

Agree that those are porn search terms, and I'd be very concerned about what else they are watching. I'd inform the school, not in the spirit of your own boy being innocent, but just so they know.

I really don’t believe he knows what any of these terms mean.

If you honestly think that you need to educate him, some of that is absolutely vile and will have a huge impact on the kids who are hearing themselves being told to STFU and being called a rapist. I’d also be deleting Snapchat and any other messaging service until he’s old enough to be responsible for what he says and what he allows himself to be included in.

It’s not the schools responsibility to monitor what your child does online, I’d tell them so they’re aware of what’s happening but without excusing your child in any way. It’s not ok, it’s vile bullying behaviour and not remotely acceptable or excusable.

Definitely inform the school, which are no doubt staffed in the main by women. I should think that all women should be concerned by the way 12 year old boys are talking about us, their sisters and mothers.

All the information of humanity at our fingertips, and this is what the male half chooses to do with it. Delete social media from his phone and make sure he knows this kind of attitude is beyond unacceptable.

Yes normal for a 12 year old boy going through puberty.

However it's go to talk about social media digital foot print sex and abuse

Ultimately, you need to be checking and monitoring what he is looking at/accessing on his phone, but sadly, I think this is common in schools now.

I would mention it to the Head of Year though, due to the terms/reference to rape. Our boys' school recently put something in the newsletter about inappropriate use of social media/WhatsApp amongst the Y7s and asked parents to be more proactive in stepping in where necessary because the school can only do so much.

Majority of boys that age are vile with their language and things they say to their peers.

It's horrible to see as a mother, but it is happening.

I'd tell the school and I'm a DSL

By all means mention it to the school but you are responsible for parenting your child and removing access to phone/data/apps as appropriate

Yes, I'm a teacher and I'd say tell the school too.

They have a duty of care to the girls in the school who will be being impacted by hearing the sort of things the boys are saying about them amd other girls/women. It will affect the way the boys are interacting and engaging with the girls.

At primary, we educate the children on e-safety, sexting, cyberbullying (the police come in to give the talk on appropriate/inappropriate communications) etc but there's only such we can do. Ultimately, parents have control over and responsibility for what children are doing online.

Wouldn't it be better for him to use a different messaging app that doesn't auto delete the pictures after opening them? It sounds like porn sharing chats which nuke the pictures after a set amount of time. I've never used Snapchat so I'm not sure how it works but I know the pics can be set to one time view and then disappear so it's crap for parents who check phones from time to time as nothing will be left.