He's not rude, he has ASC

[Heisntrude]

Would you expect a parent to say that their child has ASC if you tried to engage with him but got nothing back?

My son is 4 and completely non verbal. He has ASC with severe learning delay and severe speech and language communication issues too.

I think, but I'm not sure, that it is clear he is ND. But sometimes adults and other children try to engage with him. He will just carry on being in his own world. He doesn't really notice. I do explain if I feel it is needed. But honestly it gets harder having to say that he is non verbal and has ASC. I don't know why but it just is. I don't want him to wear a lanyard as he would just take it off.

I guess my worry is people think he is rude in not responding to them. Or if he starts crying because he is not allowed to do something he is being a brat. He isn't. He just doesn't understand that certain things aren't his so he might want to play with something that isn't his. Obviously I stop him and apologise and explain. But it just feels like an excuse for poor behaviour, however, it is a genuine reason.

He is also more interested in dogs than people. Which can bring a whole new range of issues and again I feel I need to explain but often they don't want to hear it. It really gets me down. My son is not purposefully trying to upset anyone or anything. He doesn't touch the dogs just likes to see them and laughs as they are funny to him. It's a minefield to know what to do.

@Heisntrude Have you considered RDA {Riding for Disabled?}
Dogs can be so variable- my own dog loves a young man
She rushes into the shop, behind the counter specifically to see him} - she is on a lead apart from going behind counter.

I just say “Billy doesn’t speak at all but he loves people speaking to him or interacting with him”. Obviously that only works if he does like it. My child does love being spoken to, if he didn’t I’m not sure what I would say. I’d say most people just say “hello Billy” and then give up. A few really try and talk to him like any other child (but no longer expect a response). Kids seem better at it than adults. He’s a bit older so I really thought everyone would notice he’s a bit different by now but some do still say “oh not talking to me” or “shy is he?” Or something.

If he’s stimming or whatever I generally ignore what other people think (I’d never let him close enough to whack anyone or anything in a queue or whatever), but if someone glares or asks I just say he has autism and doesn’t understand. I think twirling around and making sounds at 4 or 5 isn’t obvious he’s ND to everyone but by the time they are a bit older people must realise a bit more. Same as running off, etc.

Try not to worry too much what anyone thinks of him, or you. As long as he’s safe and happy and he isn’t hurting anyone then it’s a good day.

Though a lot depends on the degree of neurodivergence, as a grandparent I'd say it is worth putting work into getting friends/relatives to understand the condition and knowing how to be around an ND child.

My non-verbal grandson will now approach me for help if his mother is busy - coming to take my hand and lead me to whatever it is he wants. He is comfortable around me. I am a known, consistent presence.

I worry that if parents go into some extreme protectiveness, then there is no foundation for anyone else to become involved. This means the parents are left with an even heavier burden, always having to be vigilant, always having to do everything. It also seems to be stunting an ND's child's (different) potential to communicated with others.

I don’t think many people would understand ASC- better to say autistic.

I wouldn’t be unclear about it as pp has suggested (he’s not a great one for chitchat etc) as this might just encourage people to try to engage him.

@oakleaffy I am off to Google. I have not heard. Your dog looks adorable btw. We hope to get a dog in the future and I know my son will be delighted (I'll get there too I'm sure!).

I have an autistic child and just learnt to accept that we get looks, tuts, comments etc. when out and about.

A LOT of ignorant people out there sadly. I have just grown a thick skin and remind myself they don’t matter.

@LaGiaconda makes my heart swell. My son also uses hand leading to communicate. And he will go to his grandparents and do the same.

I don't think you owe anyone an explanation of his diagnosis if you don't want to share that, if you do share some people might be unsure whether you're asking them to give him space too so try not be too offended if they back off. It's likely just lack of experience of an autistic/non verbal child and thinking you're too polite to ask them to go away. I like the suggestion from a previous poster of saying he doesn't talk but loves being spoken to/dogs/toys etc if that suits the situation.

He sounds like a lovely, joyful little one OP ❤

I have and will always say adult ds has Aspergers if I am helping him with something. He has told me that is what he prefers, so that is good enough for me.
When he was young it was obvious he was ND but I didn't engage with other people telling them he was. "He doesn't like speaking to people he doesn't know even if I'm with him." usually sufficed, anyone had a problem with that were ignored.

Riding for Disabled may well help your son.
I volunteered years ago, and a wonderful non verbal autistic lad worked alongside of us. The horses loved him.
Good luck with everything :)

I just say, "I'm sorry, he's not being rude, he can't talk." People are usually very understanding & mostly say, "Oh that's ok".

To be clear, do you mean ASD?

Yes

@PabloandGustheGreySquirrels @TigerRag

https://www.what0-18.nhs.uk/health-for-young-people/mental-health-and-wellbeing/autistic-spectrum-condition-asc

No I mean ASC. I've addressed this already. My son's professionals have used ASC. The NHS use ASC. The Educational Psychologists use ASC. But yes it is what used to be ASD. I'm not stupid, I know what my son was diagnosed with.

My son was diagnosed 2.5 years ago at 2, they say ASC now. Though I say autistic as that seems to be preferred by autistic adults.

@PabloandGustheGreySquirrels to be honest most people who have no connections with anyone with autism will know what "ASD" means either. There's far too much jargon in life and all these acronyms that keep changing.
Sometimes you do just have to stick to the basics - words like autistic, deaf, doesn't talk rather than ASC/ASD, hearing impaired, non verbal etc.

Too many people invested in how others refer to themselves/their children.

My diagnosis is Asperger's with a side note of 'this will be changing in the upcoming ICD11 to ASD' - I just say I'm autistic but I could use Asperger's or ASD - even ASC. Let's face it, every single person questioning OP terminology knows exactly what she means, so maybe lay off?

@Benminster those on this thread (and have actually read all the replies) will know what the OP means - but what I meant was that average random person in the park probably won't. But they will understand the word "autistic".