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Original poster

That a bastard was planning to film during sex

62 replies

Emeraldekh · 15/10/2023 21:11

On a night out with friends, one mate met a male colleague and we got chatting. He is good looking, mid forties, definite spark between us and we arranged to meet up again. But, after me feeling great about the night, my friend overheard him telling the group of men he had arrived with discussing me and that he would set things up in his flat and film us having sex to wank over. I'm in shock and disgusted about that bullet I've just dodged. He didn't come across like that when we were chatting, cocky yes, but I feel so naive to think he was setting me up and I definitely was not up for going to his place. I'm newly divorced to not dated in years and this now has terrified me. It's fucking horrible.

OP posts:
FloofCloud · 16/10/2023 07:02

I'd also be talking g to a police officer about this - god knows how many he's done it to before!

Valstarino · 16/10/2023 08:42

Nightmare! When sleeping with someone new take them back to yours. And a bit paranoid I suppose but I'd make sure clothes are removed (and stay) outside the bedroom, be playful about it. If he insists on bringing his phone in, ask why it can't stay in his pocket. Why would you need it right then anyway? I know it sounds OTT but I've read so many posts where women have said men filmed them without them realising (usually from behind/doggy).

Babadook76 · 16/10/2023 08:49

PushingPeopleAway · 15/10/2023 22:24

Dada Are you seriously suggesting it’s more likely that her friend would lie than the bloke be a creep?
Believe me there are plenty out there!

It’s the fact that he apparently said this to a room full of people through. Many men may be creeps, but they generally don’t casually announce in public that they’re a sex offender planning on abusing their next victim.

Disappointedsofa · 16/10/2023 09:14

This is actually illegal, even if he films it for his own purposes and it just stays on his computer. It's a crime.
This is also one of my fears about dating again, I guess the only way around it is to just have sex in my own bedroom!

MoulinPouge · 16/10/2023 10:08

I think if you hear anyone boasting about planning to or having committed a crime it should be reported to the police. The police can decide what action they take. If they take no action, but that crime is later alleged against that person by someone else, your report is obviously going to be helpful and relevant. Something doesn't have to meet the evidential threshold expected in a courtroom to be of interest to the police. That said, as it was your friend who heard it, it does perhaps make sense that they be the one to report it. If.you don't believe they will, I would still report it myself in your shoes though.

MaybeYouRanWithWolves · 16/10/2023 10:13

Babadook76 · 16/10/2023 08:49

It’s the fact that he apparently said this to a room full of people through. Many men may be creeps, but they generally don’t casually announce in public that they’re a sex offender planning on abusing their next victim.

Show quote history

There are websites set up specifically for men to upload film and images they've taken non consensually - the thrill is in the violation of an unsuspecting victim. A huge number of men are into it, and get away with it. I'm not at all surprised some are so emboldened that they boast openly to their likeminded friends.

PeakABoocha · 16/10/2023 10:33

Babadook76 · 16/10/2023 08:49

It’s the fact that he apparently said this to a room full of people through. Many men may be creeps, but they generally don’t casually announce in public that they’re a sex offender planning on abusing their next victim.

Show quote history

I think you are naive.
Some men have no issue with that. And usually find other men just as at ease with said behaviour as them. Just like a lot if them would make comments about ‘taking that woman whether she likes it or not’ etc…. And other ‘changing room banter’ that so many of them find ok (or never challenge)

HoldOnMiGenna · 16/10/2023 10:41

I'd suggest to any woman not to even be filmed having sex with a trusted partner.
The probability that a man will show the scenes to other men or even women is far higher than not.
Ever met a man so off key who has taken a chance on a woman being misogynistic/ low standard having that he has attempted to show videos of a sex partner in compromising positions?
I have , as a woman who used to work in male dominated spaces where women acquire " honorary bloke" status and the men feel comfortable "being themselves".
And the yoghurt knitting, "gentle" and right on men are very culpable, too.
Let the men take pictures and videos with their eyes and memories. There is a too high connection between constant screen wanking and erectile dysfunction anyhow.
OP, you have a great friend. The world is full of those who knew and disclose after shit hits the fan.

Nowherenew · 16/10/2023 11:20

I would definitely report this to the police and give the names of the people he told.

Hopefully they would check his phone to see if this has happened before (which it is bound to have).

I’d be really disappointed with my friend who overheard and the people who he was talking to, that none of them called him out on it.

DreamTheMoors · 23/02/2024 02:05

TheCunctator · 15/10/2023 23:15

Me too.

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All 3 of you are pervs.

Sweetheart7 · 23/02/2024 04:24

Sorry OP but is pretty unusual I've never come across this before! The audacity to tell his friends too a grown man discussing his plans to have sex. Run!

Porfirio · 23/02/2024 04:26

Or your mate is jealous and made it up so you wouldn't meet up with him.

That's more believable.

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