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Original poster

That a bastard was planning to film during sex

62 replies

Emeraldekh · 15/10/2023 21:11

On a night out with friends, one mate met a male colleague and we got chatting. He is good looking, mid forties, definite spark between us and we arranged to meet up again. But, after me feeling great about the night, my friend overheard him telling the group of men he had arrived with discussing me and that he would set things up in his flat and film us having sex to wank over. I'm in shock and disgusted about that bullet I've just dodged. He didn't come across like that when we were chatting, cocky yes, but I feel so naive to think he was setting me up and I definitely was not up for going to his place. I'm newly divorced to not dated in years and this now has terrified me. It's fucking horrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emeraldekh · 15/10/2023 22:55

Thanks for everyone replying. My friend is telling the truth, no question about that. He was boasting about it. No shame and they enabled him.

OP posts:
bombastix · 15/10/2023 22:59

Well, a lucky escape. Never film or photograph yourself having sex. Men trade this stuff like football cards. I think a lot of women are very naive about it.

mathanxiety · 15/10/2023 22:59

There are men out there who see us as prey.

Catsmere · 15/10/2023 23:15

"To wank over" - my bet is he's making pornography.

TheCunctator · 15/10/2023 23:15

qwerty123454 · 15/10/2023 22:43

This is what I was just thinking

Show quote history

Me too.

justwatchingtelly · 15/10/2023 23:19

Utterly vile. Please report to the police

MariaLuna · 15/10/2023 23:23

I would report this to the police. They may well not do anything but a record could help a future victim to make a case.

Good idea. Get it on file.

Not sure it would do any good after that poor woman Sarah Everard..... furious!!

Ilefttownonsaturday · 15/10/2023 23:24

I'd report it to the police

HRTQueen · 15/10/2023 23:25

bombastix · 15/10/2023 21:28

That is vile. But take care in dating post divorce. There are quite a few men like this out there; jaded by porn and working out issues with women on their dates. Do not be in s hurry to have sex with them.

I absolutely agree with this

and know you boundaries what you like and what you are not interested in do not get talked into doing something you feel uncomfortable with

viques · 15/10/2023 23:25

Yes I imagine he would want to share his conquests with his scummy friends.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 15/10/2023 23:32

Ilefttownonsaturday · 15/10/2023 23:24

I'd report it to the police

Yes, this is good advice.

LanguorLashes · 15/10/2023 23:46

A work colleague had a similar experience, where she kept closing a wardrobe door and he kept opening it and insisting it was a broken catch. There was nothing wrong with the door, there was a rolling video camera.
My suspicion would be that the person carrying out the filming is unlikely to publish the material on the internet, but may well be looking to trade with others - which will lead to the material becoming public at some later date.

SequentialAnalyst · 15/10/2023 23:51

Does it really matter in the scheme of things that random anonymous people on the internet doubt your friend's word, @PushingPeopleAway

@ProudDada
@qwerty123454
@TheCunctator
certainly all seem to think so Hmm

determinedtomakethiswork · 16/10/2023 00:19

I'd report it to the police as well, ASAP. I wouldn't talk to him about it at all. I reckon he would have all sorts on his phone.

buckeejit · 16/10/2023 00:34

I agree, report it to police. Sick fucker

Alargeoneplease89 · 16/10/2023 01:09

How can you report it to the police? What would you report? Its hearsay, surely.

Lavender14 · 16/10/2023 01:23

I'd report him to the police as well. What if he's done this to other women without their knowledge and has intimate videos of them that they didn't consent to. What about future women he goes on to date? I'm sorry you had that experience op, he sounds like an utterly creep.

Greenberg2 · 16/10/2023 01:34

Alargeoneplease89 · 16/10/2023 01:09

How can you report it to the police? What would you report? Its hearsay, surely.

You can report anything to the police. It might not be admissable as evidence in court but it could provide enough information that the police would take any other incidents reported seriously enough to investigate them. One of the problems with getting the police to investigate sexual crimes is the fact it's one person's word against another's. Whereas if there's a pattern of behaviour, like with Harvey Weinstein, each report add's more weight to another's.

itwasdifferentinthe90s · 16/10/2023 02:53

@MariaLuna what an unhelpful comment, imagine if your throwaway comment put someone off reporting something that could prevent someone getting hurt in future

It's vital that the Op does report it

Even if it's through crime stoppers and that it's there as intelligence

Missingmyusername · 16/10/2023 03:02

qwerty123454 · 15/10/2023 22:43

This is what I was just thinking

Show quote history

and me. Not sure what you would report to the police, it’s hearsay.

bonzaitree · 16/10/2023 05:55

Alargeoneplease89 · 16/10/2023 01:09

How can you report it to the police? What would you report? Its hearsay, surely.

Yes genius because members of the public have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that a crime has been committed before they go the police.

It’s not like we have a publicly funded body who do that for us as a society is it.

🤦‍♀️

bonzaitree · 16/10/2023 05:58

Hearsay is a statement repeated IN COURT - it is an out-of-court statement which is being offered in court for the truth of what was asserted.

Overhearing someone saying they film women non consensually is EVIDENCE that the police will investigate (or not their call).

Alargeoneplease89 · 16/10/2023 06:41

Greenberg2 · 16/10/2023 01:34

You can report anything to the police. It might not be admissable as evidence in court but it could provide enough information that the police would take any other incidents reported seriously enough to investigate them. One of the problems with getting the police to investigate sexual crimes is the fact it's one person's word against another's. Whereas if there's a pattern of behaviour, like with Harvey Weinstein, each report add's more weight to another's.

Show quote history

It's a bit different to have someone's experience vs my friend said they overheard.

whosaidtha · 16/10/2023 06:55

But she didn't even hear it. So what she is reporting is 'my friend said that he said...'

crew2022 · 16/10/2023 07:00

Ask the friend to report it anonymously. Then it can sit as intelligence on a database. In the future (or past) he may actually do this and a victim might raise an incident with the police. Their allegation will have more credibility with the report by your friend.

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