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Original poster

Currently have flu DH fed up of helping

49 replies

username001 · 15/10/2023 14:34

I'm currently sick with the flu. I've had it almost a week now and to begin with dh was very supportive. He was left to do everything but his boss is amazing and let him have the week off.
Now however he says he's had enough. Says I need to start doing things else he will get sick too and we will be in real trouble then.

I just have no energy. Putting the laundry on takes me so long and I'm breathless after.

Is he right though? Should I help more so he doesn't get sick ? Or should he hold up for a couple more days and who knows I might be better.

OP posts:
Longingforthesummer · 15/10/2023 14:40

Sorry you are feeling rubbish OP.
Can you go stay with family or a griend leave him totally on his own!!!

my DH is abit like this, a few days and it's fine them because it interfers with their own routine throws them! Just goes to show how much they rely on us

PinkRoses1245 · 15/10/2023 14:41

HE IS NOT “HELPING”. He is doing his share. He’s being pathetic

Ragwort · 15/10/2023 14:43

What's the context? Do you have young DC?

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Original poster
username001 · 15/10/2023 14:44

I wish I could go stay elsewhere but it's not an option. I would fully support him if he was this sick but it's like he's had enough now so I have to feel better.

OP posts:
NigelHarmansNewWife · 15/10/2023 14:44

This is a temporary situation. What a pathetic person he is.

Bumble84 · 15/10/2023 14:44

Is it because you have young children his boss has given him the week off?

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 15/10/2023 14:45

What exactly is he helping with?

Pumpkinpie1 · 15/10/2023 14:45

Time to stop acting like his Mother! His home , his joint responsibility to run it.

Wolfiefan · 15/10/2023 14:46

Helping with what?

Spacecowboys · 15/10/2023 14:47

Why did he have to take the week off work? Surely he can manage some household tasks around his working hours

Original poster
username001 · 15/10/2023 14:48

Yes we have young children. They have been great bless them. Getting me blankets and water. DH is moaning about all the housework and chores like shopping cooking. I've told him to just do bare minimum and get shop delivered but at the time he says no I can do it. Then moan after

OP posts:
Thehonestbadger · 15/10/2023 14:48

PinkRoses1245 · 15/10/2023 14:41

HE IS NOT “HELPING”. He is doing his share. He’s being pathetic

Erm I feel like this is very gender driven.
As a SAHM whose DH got poorly last week, spent an entire week with literally no help and two toddlers, I’d be a bit furious if he was still in bed because he was just in the ‘feeling overly exerted’ stage of recovery.

Being a parent means your tolerance level has to be high. If you’re not violently unwell then you have to get up and carry on! You can’t just luxuriate in a slow and steady recovery at your partners expense. I’d say a week for flu is more than generous.

Tinkerbyebye · 15/10/2023 14:49

I would be telling him to piss off. Flu lasts a couple of weeks minimum. If he doesn’t want to do anything more fair enough, you don’t do it either you are I’ll

Owlish1003 · 15/10/2023 14:50

Helping is not the correct vocab here!

He’s doing necessary chores in his own home, same as if he lived alone!

Do you have young dc op? Sorry you are feeling rotten op.

Imho men are often like this, ok to take the reins for three days or so, but no longer than that!

Proper flu can take 10 days to pass through your system.

UncleOrinocosFlow · 15/10/2023 14:53

I’m going to say something pretty out there but you should be warned: if you ever get a serious illness that requires extended treatment (eg cancer), he will probably leave you. Just be warned.

PeakABoocha · 15/10/2023 15:04

1- it’s likely to be covid rather than the flu
2- if you can’t do things, you can’t.
3- he won’t get ill because he has to look after the hose on his own fir ONE week.

Doodar · 15/10/2023 15:05

UncleOrinocosFlow · 15/10/2023 14:53

I’m going to say something pretty out there but you should be warned: if you ever get a serious illness that requires extended treatment (eg cancer), he will probably leave you. Just be warned.

Its shocking how many men do this.

PeakABoocha · 15/10/2023 15:07

Thehonestbadger · 15/10/2023 14:48

Erm I feel like this is very gender driven.
As a SAHM whose DH got poorly last week, spent an entire week with literally no help and two toddlers, I’d be a bit furious if he was still in bed because he was just in the ‘feeling overly exerted’ stage of recovery.

Being a parent means your tolerance level has to be high. If you’re not violently unwell then you have to get up and carry on! You can’t just luxuriate in a slow and steady recovery at your partners expense. I’d say a week for flu is more than generous.

Show quote history

Being breathless from folding laundry isn’t ‘recovery phase of the illness’. It’s not normal to feel fatigue and out of breath doing something like this.

Besides, the OP has covid, Not the flu. And it is crucial she is taking a slow and steady recovery if she wants to actually recover - aka avoid LC.

PeakABoocha · 15/10/2023 15:07

UncleOrinocosFlow · 15/10/2023 14:53

I’m going to say something pretty out there but you should be warned: if you ever get a serious illness that requires extended treatment (eg cancer), he will probably leave you. Just be warned.

I don’t think you need to think cancer.

Simply not recovering from covid will do that…

Owlish1003 · 15/10/2023 15:08

username001 · 15/10/2023 14:48

Yes we have young children. They have been great bless them. Getting me blankets and water. DH is moaning about all the housework and chores like shopping cooking. I've told him to just do bare minimum and get shop delivered but at the time he says no I can do it. Then moan after

Sorry have just read that you have young dc. It is a very stressful situation when the person who does most of the childcare is unwell. I remember it well!

While I very much sympathise, I think him taking a week off work is reasonable and by that time you should have other arrangements in order… maybe a group of mums nearby who can step in at moments like this, taking your dc to nursery and back? Or a relative coming to stay? Or a set up whereby you lie on the sofa and supervise the little ones in a play den and your dh sets you and the dc up with pre-prepared food for the day and comes home early, or something similar?

To be fair, if the situation was reversed, I don’t think many of us could take more than a week off to cover home duties if our male partners were unwell with flu.

Rather than complaining, your dh should be appreciative of how much you manage to do every day when you are well !

Owlish1003 · 15/10/2023 15:12

Obviously if you are still finding it difficult to breathe, there’s a possibility you could have pneumonia so I would return to the gp tomorrow op and in that case your dh would have to work from home.

ssd · 15/10/2023 15:14

His boss gave him a week off because you have flu???

Hmm
Gnomegnomegnome · 15/10/2023 15:18

I can Sympathise, I’m also unwell although I don’t have small dc and haven’t had to have Dh to look after me. I remember the small dc while unwell feeling though.
It’s probably worth talking to the GP if you are still so breathless.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 15/10/2023 15:18

Thehonestbadger · 15/10/2023 14:48

Erm I feel like this is very gender driven.
As a SAHM whose DH got poorly last week, spent an entire week with literally no help and two toddlers, I’d be a bit furious if he was still in bed because he was just in the ‘feeling overly exerted’ stage of recovery.

Being a parent means your tolerance level has to be high. If you’re not violently unwell then you have to get up and carry on! You can’t just luxuriate in a slow and steady recovery at your partners expense. I’d say a week for flu is more than generous.

Show quote history

Have you ever had flu? I have, twice and it knocked me for six for weeks. A simple cold takes about a week to recover from but the flu is fecking awful. Every joint on my body ached, night sweats, chills, raging temperature, could barely walk.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/10/2023 15:22

If you're getting breathless folding laundry then you are very sick. You still need to rest.

It would be interesting to know what the split is normally. Is he basically doing what you do every week or is he typically a good partner?

And no, he's not 'helping'.

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