Currently have flu DH fed up of helping

[username001]

I'm currently sick with the flu. I've had it almost a week now and to begin with dh was very supportive. He was left to do everything but his boss is amazing and let him have the week off.
Now however he says he's had enough. Says I need to start doing things else he will get sick too and we will be in real trouble then.

I just have no energy. Putting the laundry on takes me so long and I'm breathless after.

Is he right though? Should I help more so he doesn't get sick ? Or should he hold up for a couple more days and who knows I might be better.

You're the one who's ill so you need to stay put.

And he needs to bloody care for you!

In sickness and in health and all that...

Except you have no idea of how ill the OP actually is...

Stop doing the laundry and any other jobs and go back to bed and rest. The more you do, the more your DH will expect you to do and the longer it will take for you to recover. This could linger for weeks if you don't rest enough at this stage.

My DH was pretty useless when I was ill when the kids were small. He refused to take time off work even though he would still have got paid. (Civil Service type job)

It wasn't until he had double pneumonia and was hospitalised that he started to appreciate how much I did when I had flu previously and still had to manage a toddler and pets whilst he carried on working.

Since then, he's got a lot better and I just need to give him jobs to do as he doesn't always know what needs to be done. I don't mind giving him lists.
He doesn't really cook but he can manage toast and a microwave and he just needs to do the basics until I've recovered.

I am torn on this. I think after a week, it's notnunreasonable that he wojkd like to see some improvement. And I think it would likely be difficult for him to take more time off.

However, I would say that absolutely - bare minimum at this point surely is the answer?

Also, I think if wjther me or dh were that sick for that long we would probably have to ask for help. Neither of us could just take off Work indefinitely to look after everything while the other one had flu.

Think you missed the point of that post.

Flu still exists yanno

I am torn on this. I think after a week, it's notnunreasonable that he wojkd like to see some improvement.

I would imagine that op would also prefer to see some improvements too @SavBlancTonight. She can’t magic herself better.

Of course.
Except it’s not winter and there is very little flu going on yet. Peak flu season is December/January.
But we are in yet a new wave for covid. (Evident even though more or less all testing in the U.K. has stopped).
And the symptoms the OP experiences are more like covid - see being short if breath, nowhere near recovered after a week (not just still tired) etc….

Ever heard of LC? Or taking months to recover from a mild covid infection?
It can be just as devastating as a cancer.

And yes, men leave their partner when they get ill with LC too….

Which was tte point if the post right? Some men can’t cope with long term illness and their partner being unable to perform their daily tasks…..

I don't think your being unreasonable. My DH currently has COVID and I am 34 weeks pregnant so he is isolating from me and toddler.

We are coming to the end of day 5 of me doing absolutely everything plus working (3 days per week but very stressful job). I'm absolutely exhausted if I'm honest but I have no issue with this. It's short lived and he pulls his weight on a normal day.

Your DH needs to get on with it, they are his children/ his house etc if you are as unwell as you say you are. Hope he appreciates you more afterwards xx

This with bells on. I had pneumonia as a secondary infection after covid and it escalated very quickly, I was lucky to survive. You need to see a doctor if you are having trouble breathing. At least speak to 111.

Wankpuffin

Firstly see GP tomorrow
Secondly tell him you are sick and if you overdo it, you'll be sicker for longer
Thirdly - can you ring his mum? That's what I did early in our marriage when I had flu. Rang and asked for help cos DH was struggling... she tore him a new one 🤣

After a week, I understand he's finding it a bit much, assuming he's working full-time. If I'm really ill DH food shopping, cooking, washing of clothes and ironing if desperately needed. If I'm that ill, the rest can wait.

Having said that, the thing I find most concerning about your post is the breathlessness. If it gets worse, especially if you find you're breathless at rest or a temperature comes back, and can't wash/shower/face posting on mn!, then I'd get yourself checked out just in case you have something like pneumonia developing - have had it twice and it's always followed a bout of illness.

You've clearly never had real flu. It wipes you out. Last time I had it, I was properly ill (temp over 40C) for a week and then developed viral pneumonia as a complication. It took a couple of months before I was 100%.

Feel for you OP. I hope you start to feel better soon.
I had the flu many years ago when my dc's were tiny. My DH had to take two week off work. I couldn't get out of bed and every bone in my body hurt so much.
I remember sweating and had to change my nightdress with help for a clean one but it was a mission. If my DH dropped a £20.00 note on the bedroom floor I was so poorly I wouldn't be able to reach and pick it up.
I started to feel better after two weeks but felt so weak. I knew I had to start eating so had soup with bread which helps. It took me over 3 weeks to get back on my feet and DH was very happy to go back to work.
It was a bit of an eye opener for DH as my youngest DS was 15 months at the time and he never slept. Probably had 3 hours block sleep so I think it didn't help why I was very ill. Sleep helps repair our bodies, fights infections, etc.
DH was more hands on at night times afterwards as I think he was petrified i would be laid up again.
It was awful so I hope you make a recovery soon.

Well yes, which is why I went on to point out that he might be finding it a bit much and can't take more time off work so if she's still that ill, they need to both lower their standards and perhaps seek help elsewhere.

Unless our insurance paid out, there's absolutely no way I could afford to take more than a week off work if DH was sick. So if after that, he was still completely unable to do anything, we'd need a back up plan and more help.

I wouldn't take a week off work if dh was sick. A few days, yes, but then he'd have to lie on the sofa and shove the kids in front of the tv and feed them rubbish just to get through the day, so I could work.

But all the rest of it, he's being ridiculous. He can figure out how to find food and cook it. He must have done this for himself at some point in his life. A week of ready meals and beige freezer food takes no effort at all. And then it's just the basics that need doing. No one should be folding washing. If it's washed, tip it into a pile exist out of a pile on the floor for a week if we're all really struggling. Dc need to be washed and fed and put to bed and taken to school/nursery if they go. If they are at home during the day, they need to be kept alive and safe and fed. He should easily be able to do that, and if he needs to go back to work, then that's all you need to focus on for a few hours. As soon as he's home, you're in bed and he takes over. Single parents do it every day, he can do to give you time to recover even if he can't be there all the time due to work.

I had pneumonia last year. Your being out of breath is ringing alarm bells for me. I have had covid and flu also. Pneumonia was hell. I’m still suffering with the damage it’s done to my lungs almost a year later.

The thing is him being off work for longer isn’t what he is moaning about.
It’s the fact he has all the HW, childcare, cooking to do. That the OP told him to simply leave some of it out but he won’t and then moans about it (so he is playing the martyr)

Tbh, the OP is clearly unwell if she is short of breath doing so little. She needs to see a GP asap.
She is also able to stay at home for the day, get a drink etc….

There is an issue about childcare for the dcs… My question there is what would he do if the OP was in hosp for a few weeks? Surely, with no outside help close to them, at some point, he has wondered how it would work if the OP was unwell for a while? Because asking someone who is really unwell to look after two young children is a disaster waiting to happen - through no fault of the person who unwell!

You do realise Flu is not a cold. I couldn't even stand up when i had flu. Flu can kill.

After a week I'd be expecting my husband to tough it out in a 'keep things simple' way. Otherwise it'll cost a family holiday at some other point in the year. However if it feels like you're not improving and heading towards a secondary infection then go back to your GP as a matter of urgency. It's no surprise you're struggling with simple stuff - you're the one who knows if things are worsening.

A lot of people say they have the flu when they have a bad cold, which imo accounts for some of the responses here. I had the flu once when I was young and single, I was off work for two weeks and a friend had to care for me for a week because I was so wiped out.

He doesn't really cook but he can manage toast and a microwave and he just needs to do the basics until I've recovered.

Is he 8?

Tell him to go on You Tube and search for "recipe". I'm sure that as an adult working for the Civil Service he can watch and follow a cooking video.

OP - please please rest up and seek medical attention about your breathing difficulties. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome often starts after a virus like this. It can be incredibly debilitating and extremely difficult to recover from. Your "D"H needs to understand that if you don't take time to rest and recover properly now, you may never get properly better. All the best.

I had flu 13 years ago
I couldn't get out of bed for 6 weeks. Now, I've got M.E. and fibro.
I had Covid 7 weeks ago. At the weekend I was blue lighted to hospital and kept in for the weekend. I have post Covid severe hypertension and had BP of 200/122. I almost died. I have never had high blood pressure in my life.

So, if the op has either flu or COVID, she needs to take as long as she needs. And her husband has to step up. Otherwise, things could get a lot worse.