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Original poster

Do you decluttering by stealth?

26 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 14/10/2023 14:28

I am so sick of the DCs toys clothes and clutter. Whenever I try to declutter my DH starts saying I bought that - as if he has some emotional attachment. Or he plans to sell it if he think it’s worth something but very rarely gets round to it. We have an old pushchair in the garage that he said he intended to sell but has not got round to it. As he bought it he won’t allow me to get rid of it. Planning to declutter quietly and think that the small toys and bits they probably won’t notice.

does anyone else else do this?

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 14/10/2023 14:45

Yep!

Or I make a big pile and tell him that he has to decide what he wants to keep. If clothes don’t fit and shoes haven’t been worn in a year, they have to go.

I’m currently working on removing a barely used guitar that was a stupid short lived enthusiasm a few years ago. It’s cluttering up my craft room.

TeenDivided · 14/10/2023 14:46

Absolutely when younger.
I used to bag up cuddly toys (DD had probably over 100) that were at the bottom of piles and had no emotionally attachment, put the bags in a spare room, and then if nothing was missed after around 3 months then out they went.

I'd have no truck with keeping old pushchairs.

Totalwasteofpaper · 14/10/2023 14:51

Yes.

With my Dd's things I just dispatch of them on vinted or to charity and tell him how much cash I've made when they are gone. Same with my own.
With his things e.g. 5 year old threadbare socks / underpants I remove them from circulation but only one pair at a time. I hold for 1 month then if he doesn't notice dispose of them if he does they "turn up". Post disposal I deny all knowledge.

When he is talking about buying new trousers or whatever I asked which ones he is replacing and he needs to get rid of a pair (this may sound controlling but honestly I have to, he has 15 pairs of jeans, over 20 work trousers (these are separate to work suit sets...!) And that before we get to casual pants, joogers shorts and holiday shorts.

Put the pushchair up FB marketplace at whatever price he thinks it's worth. Either it sells or it doesn't. If it doesn't sell drop the price sell it and tell him after.

MaggiePie36 · 14/10/2023 15:02

Yes I did this a lot when the kids were little. I would remove a few toys they had stopped playing with and store them out of sight. If they didn't miss them within a few weeks/month, I'd get rid.
Ask friends for their views on local 2nd hand selling sites or giving away. Join the sites to get an idea what sells + how it works. Selling can be a real hassle. Near me, trying to sell smaller stuff is a waste of time, people don't bother turning up for a couple of quid. But there is a busy giveaway site + they'll turn up. I know friends in other areas where it is the opposite!
With the pram, perhaps do the research for him; ebay, gumtree, local sites. Its a hassle to clean them + package. He may change his mind if those prams don't sell for much. Some people are very unrealistic of 2nd hand values.

thecatsthecats · 14/10/2023 15:11

Yup.

I reached the end of my tether with the laundry situation because we shouldn't have a problem with laundry. Only two of us, in a three bed. Except I operate a "one in, one out" policy, and he JUST FUCKING BUYS STUFF. So he'd keep wearing a new thing, adding more things to the laundry basket, and I wouldn't have anywhere to put things away. Continually juggling storage, whilst mine was confined to a few drawers.

Not any more. It goes in the "outgoing" boxes, and if he doesn't rescue it within a month, it's gone. And if he shops, I take clothes at random out of his storage to make space for them - he can either live with his choices or make his own.

Don't give a stuff if anyone thinks it's controlling - it's incredibly selfish to happily occupy 2/3rds of the storage space and expect me to deal with it.

Tessisme · 14/10/2023 15:19

I sneak stuff out all the time. Clothes, toys, bits and bobs, general household stuff. Sometimes DP will find a bag I've started and question every single thing, so I'm getting better at hiding it until it goes!

I don't throw away anything specifically belonging to DP though. I think that would be very disrespectful and controlling.

CyberCritical · 14/10/2023 15:21

Yep. DH works in the office 1 week in 4 so while he's at work and DD is at school I fill a couple of bags and hide them in the boot then charity shop them the next time I'm out, so far they've not noticed anything has left despite the fact I've been filling at least 2 bags for life every 4 weeks for the last year.

Gingerlygreen · 14/10/2023 15:26

I've taken 4 black sacks full of Happyland houses, people and cars to the charity shop today and feel so much better for it, I love decluttering.

Dh is also a huge procrastinator so with his stuff I tell him that if he hasn't sorted it out by the weekend then I'm taking it to the charity shop and I do, empty threats are worthless.

Don't be secretive with it, tell the kids that they're going to other children to play with and tell your dh to either put the pushchair up for sale this weekend or it's going.

MargaretThursday · 14/10/2023 15:30

Dh's emotional attachment is to old computer cables. He has a drawer full of ones he doesn't want to get rid of for various silly reasons.

Ivyy · 14/10/2023 15:31

Having a big clear out this weekend and I've got no problem being pretty ruthless now dd 12 is older, it was much harder when she was younger and had an emotional attachment to almost everything!

Crooklodge · 14/10/2023 15:31

Our neighbours away on holiday, I fully intend to fill up her bin with shite that the kids have accumulated. We're needing to move house so gotta declutter.

Soapon · 14/10/2023 15:34

Yep I have got rid of lots of toys this week, all outgrown and had been hidden for several months without anyone noticing. They just have so many toys!!

Ivyy · 14/10/2023 15:36

Also, what do I do with old clothes that are bobbly, old socks, underwear etc? Can they be recycled?

Dh is saying if they're not in good enough condition for charity then just bin them, but I'd rather they go for recycling than sit in landfill! Any ideas for where I can send them for recycling old materials??

AgnesX · 14/10/2023 15:36

MargaretThursday · 14/10/2023 15:30

Dh's emotional attachment is to old computer cables. He has a drawer full of ones he doesn't want to get rid of for various silly reasons.

Mine has hidden them out of my reach (I don't do heights) It took him 3 days recently to bin cables that haven't seen the light of day for X years.

What is it with the male of the species🥴

VanWeezer · 14/10/2023 15:38

Ivyy · 14/10/2023 15:36

Also, what do I do with old clothes that are bobbly, old socks, underwear etc? Can they be recycled?

Dh is saying if they're not in good enough condition for charity then just bin them, but I'd rather they go for recycling than sit in landfill! Any ideas for where I can send them for recycling old materials??

If you have a Dunelm near you, they take any condition clothes and fabric for recycling.

We also have a recycling clothes bin in the pub car park. Have seen them in supermarket car parks too

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 14/10/2023 15:41

Ivyy · 14/10/2023 15:36

Also, what do I do with old clothes that are bobbly, old socks, underwear etc? Can they be recycled?

Dh is saying if they're not in good enough condition for charity then just bin them, but I'd rather they go for recycling than sit in landfill! Any ideas for where I can send them for recycling old materials??

Most charity shops will have a "rag bag" type scheme where they sell onwards clothes/materials not fit for sale. It's done by weight of material.

I just pop all the useless bits in one bag, tie it up and stick a big label on the front saying "rags" and then they know.

thomasinacat · 14/10/2023 15:44

Ivyy · 14/10/2023 15:36

Also, what do I do with old clothes that are bobbly, old socks, underwear etc? Can they be recycled?

Dh is saying if they're not in good enough condition for charity then just bin them, but I'd rather they go for recycling than sit in landfill! Any ideas for where I can send them for recycling old materials??

Yes they can be recycled. Would check whether your council collects bagged textiles as part of bin collection, or refuse tips usually have a textiles area.

Gymmum82 · 14/10/2023 15:46

Yep. I bag stuff up and sneak it out while no one is home. They’ve yet to notice any of their stuff go missing so clearly they didn’t want it that much

AcrossthePond55 · 14/10/2023 15:57

Kids grown so my clutter is DH's random shit that 'he might need someday'. I use Xmas holidays to, ahem, 'declutter'. Doing the Xmas decorating I bag up a bunch of his random shite that's been lying around for months and put a date on it, usually 3-6 months out. I then shove it in the storage room out of sight. If he doesn't ask about where 'X' is by the date on the bag it gets tossed.

I've only had a couple of times where he's even asked about any of that shit, once after I'd tossed it. I just said I had no idea where it had gone to, that I wasn't in charge of his stuff. (Secretly though, I am in charge of it, aren't I?)

mycatsanutter · 14/10/2023 16:25

I love decluttering , my DH frequently comes home with new uniform that he does not need but he still accepts it , drives me mad . He puts it in the garage then I take it to the charity bins on the nearby pub car park 😀

declutteringmymind · 14/10/2023 18:17

I put it out in a pile for hint kart through. I tell him I'll charity shop it in a week. He takes what he wants. If he then leaves it in another pile then it goes anyway.

I also recycle as I wash - if anything is worn, bobbly, holey etc, I just tell him I'm putting it the rag pile and he rarely objects. He always appreciates the extra space.

Ivyy · 15/10/2023 15:05

@VanWeezer @AirFryerFrequentFlyer @thomasinacat thank you that's really helpful, I shall try all of these!

ConstructionTime · 15/10/2023 19:03

Ivyy · 14/10/2023 15:36

Also, what do I do with old clothes that are bobbly, old socks, underwear etc? Can they be recycled?

Dh is saying if they're not in good enough condition for charity then just bin them, but I'd rather they go for recycling than sit in landfill! Any ideas for where I can send them for recycling old materials??

H&M collect textiles in some countries, so check maybe on their website. If you bring in a bag of old clothes or textiles (including rags) to a physical store (near the cash register is a collection box), they used to give you a 10% code. Obviously they do it to get store visitors, too, and will use it for their own products out of recycled yarn, but even if you don't want the code, you'd still be rid of your bag of textiles. The condition doesn't matter as they recycle the whole lot, it's not for 2nd hand shops.

Mumaway · 15/10/2023 19:52

Constantly. I am very keen on getting rid of things, to charity or Freecycle. Also applies to DH and DDs.

HumanBurrito · 15/10/2023 20:08

Hell yeah. I am constantly sneaking puzzles, craft stuff etc into our local street library.