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This bloody woman - nitpicking

37 replies

Crunchyqueen · 12/10/2023 13:05

I have a ‘friend’ as part of a friendship group. Never sure how to read her. I always thought she was a little mean and standoff’ish. I was a newcomer to group - about 18 months ago, but, had known a couple of people pretty well for over a yr previously - I would say at friend/acquaintance level.

Assumed Pam’s (as we’ll call her) initial hostility possibly linked to not wanting an newcomer in the group. I was actually very respectful of this not just with her but with everybody and have been super socially aware not to step on anyone’s toes and be respectful. She did seem to warm to me and we became good friends. I still have my reservations that she could be a little mean, but was aware that could be cultural interpretations - she is very, very upper class. Rest of the group aren’t a real mix of backgrounds but definitely not UC.

Side note learned she’d only been part of the very longstanding group 5/6 months herself when I started socialising with them!

Lately (as in last couple of weeks) she’s started being a little mean again, makes the occasionally passive aggressive dig and several times now has called me out on spelling mistakes in group messages and a couple of times in the way I have pronounced things when we’re in person - I have seen far far worse mistakes by other people in the group btw, not predictive txt slip ups as mine are. And these are never picked up on. In fact two people responded with a ? To her so they had clearly not noticed. It’s like what, are you marking my messages?!?

She’s done it twice this week and then yesterday corrected my pronunciation of something again in person!! It was so bloody awkward for everyone especially as couple of people got that I was being silly and taking the piss, and she obviously hadn’t. I’m really feeling like I’m being picked on and she’s making me feel like a complete thicko. It’s just awkward.

What do I do say? We’re all mid-late thirties btw.

OP posts:
Itsaloadofbollocks · 12/10/2023 13:17

I wouldn't say anything to her, others have obviously picked up on what she is doing. She's just making herself look like a twat.

Mellowautumnmists · 12/10/2023 13:25

She's just rude, and whilst I acknowledge what the previous poster said about her making herself look like a twat to others in the group, I'd simply call get out on it every single time until she gets the message.

Can I ask - the pronunciation issue - is this because you have a different cultural background and English isn't your first language, for example, or does she somehow think she is more upper class than you and therefore thinks she is justified in correcting your pronunciation. Neither reason is acceptable but I speak as one who has had a very northern accent derided on numerous occasions during the course of my lifetime and it becomes nothing but boring after a while!

Mellowautumnmists · 12/10/2023 13:26

*call her...

Butterflyworms · 12/10/2023 13:28

I think you should tell your teacher that you are getting picked on and she should be sent to the naughty step

Crunchyqueen · 12/10/2023 13:28

@Mellowautumnmists the latter in spades!! Altho this morning I was genuinely being daft, far, far too outing too say what rather than it being because of my accent!

OP posts:
Crunchyqueen · 12/10/2023 13:29

It’s really upset me I was up at 4am thinking about it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2023 13:30

Fucking hell, I would be putting a stop to this bullshit immediately. I would speak to her privately and make it clear that you are not in need of her corrections, and from now on she can keep them to herself.

potatoheads · 12/10/2023 13:32

Next time she corrects you in person just look at her with slightly raised eyebrows but hold the look until she looks away. It's not easy but you can do it. Pretend you are an actor. Just look at her. You can blink and be normal but just don't say anything. No expression other than slightly raised eyebrows and look directly at her. If it helps look slightly above her eyes

Mellowautumnmists · 12/10/2023 13:36

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2023 13:30

Fucking hell, I would be putting a stop to this bullshit immediately. I would speak to her privately and make it clear that you are not in need of her corrections, and from now on she can keep them to herself.

I agree with this entirely. This behaviour will just escalate otherwise. I had a friend a bit like this and gradually the criticisms increased and she started to criticise my adult children's decisions (and other personal things) etc which was the final straw for me. That friendship will never be the same again. People need to establish boundaries with other people, not just partners.

Bonbon21 · 12/10/2023 13:41

I would challenge her each and every time..
Sorry Pam, were you a teacher in a previous life...since you keep correcting my vocabulary.. and even my spelling?...
Then give her the death stare...

RedSquirrelsRock · 12/10/2023 14:00

I just have to stare at someone blankly when this has happened to me for a moment then laugh, "I just can't take you seriously I really can't."
"They don't know whether to shit, piss, fart of have a hair cut" as dear old grandma used to say.

Graciebobcat · 12/10/2023 14:03

If she was properly upper class she would know it was extremely rude to correct someone like that.

I bet she is wannabe posh, and is ashamed of her working class roots.

WowOK · 12/10/2023 14:09

Bonbon21 · 12/10/2023 13:41

I would challenge her each and every time..
Sorry Pam, were you a teacher in a previous life...since you keep correcting my vocabulary.. and even my spelling?...
Then give her the death stare...

I'd do this.

I'd also tell her that she is being incredibly rude.

I personally don't like to make a scene. I don't like drama and I don't like embarrassing people. However, she is purposely embarrassing you. She's a bully and needs to be put in her place.

GrumpyPanda · 12/10/2023 14:21

Bonbon21 · 12/10/2023 13:41

I would challenge her each and every time..
Sorry Pam, were you a teacher in a previous life...since you keep correcting my vocabulary.. and even my spelling?...
Then give her the death stare...

Much better to simply reply "yes, teacher" or "yes, miss." Every. Single.time.

Purplepinkfairy · 12/10/2023 14:24

As hard as it may be. You should have a word in private and call her out on her comments/behaviour......I bet she will be mortified and it will end there and then.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 12/10/2023 14:25

I’d wind her up further and emphasise your accent, make errors you know will grate, choose words Hyacinth Bucket Pam wouldn’t like: look up some Nancy Mitford U and non-U words and pepper your messages with the non-U stuff. Ask her where the toilet is. Repeatedly misspell her name as Pma or Map or Amp. If she’s going to be a dick, out-dick her.

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 12/10/2023 14:39

Just say “This is getting tedious, I’m trying to be polite but could you please just stop correcting my spelling and pronunciation”.

2jacqi · 12/10/2023 14:43

just call her hyacinth!!

Thingamebobwotsit · 12/10/2023 14:44

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 12/10/2023 14:39

Just say “This is getting tedious, I’m trying to be polite but could you please just stop correcting my spelling and pronunciation”.

This. Don't stoop to her level. But call it out politely and publicly. And leave it at that. She is rude and pretentious and not worth wasting your time or energy over.

toomanyboxes · 12/10/2023 14:46

Graciebobcat · 12/10/2023 14:03

If she was properly upper class she would know it was extremely rude to correct someone like that.

I bet she is wannabe posh, and is ashamed of her working class roots.

That's what I'm thinking. Genuinely upper class people are very well-trained in social etiquette and politeness, and would never correct someone like that. It would be considered the height of rudeness.

CloakandDagger1 · 12/10/2023 14:52

Perhaps next time she does this, say "You probably feel you are being helpful correcting my grammar and spelling, but I would really rather you didn't' going forward. Whether this is in person or via text message it's polite yet to the point, no further discussion required. The end.
What a bitch!

SerafinasGoose · 12/10/2023 14:54

Purplepinkfairy · 12/10/2023 14:24

As hard as it may be. You should have a word in private and call her out on her comments/behaviour......I bet she will be mortified and it will end there and then.

Talk to her privately and I can guarantee the response: wide-eyed innocence and plausible deniability. 'You're being sooo sensitive, I mean well, I was only trying to help.'

The most effective way to deal with this type of idiot is to shame them in front of others. The refusal to take her seriously is a great start. If it doesn't stop then, take up the self-appointed teacher mantle: 'ha ha! I hear edexcel are short of examiners and here you are, doing it for free!'; Or 'Saving me a fortune in fees for a personal tutor, this ...'

If she carries on after having her behaviour flagged in such a way, she really will look foolish.

nanodyne · 12/10/2023 14:55

"Oh Pam you'd think with your upbringing you'd have better manners than that!" whenever she does something rude.

funbags3 · 12/10/2023 14:56

Just tell the haughty fuck to wind her neck in.

Sparkletastic · 12/10/2023 14:59

'You are hilariously pedantic Sylvia' whilst not even cracking a smile.

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