This bloody woman - nitpicking

[Crunchyqueen]

I have a ‘friend’ as part of a friendship group. Never sure how to read her. I always thought she was a little mean and standoff’ish. I was a newcomer to group - about 18 months ago, but, had known a couple of people pretty well for over a yr previously - I would say at friend/acquaintance level.

Assumed Pam’s (as we’ll call her) initial hostility possibly linked to not wanting an newcomer in the group. I was actually very respectful of this not just with her but with everybody and have been super socially aware not to step on anyone’s toes and be respectful. She did seem to warm to me and we became good friends. I still have my reservations that she could be a little mean, but was aware that could be cultural interpretations - she is very, very upper class. Rest of the group aren’t a real mix of backgrounds but definitely not UC.

Side note learned she’d only been part of the very longstanding group 5/6 months herself when I started socialising with them!

Lately (as in last couple of weeks) she’s started being a little mean again, makes the occasionally passive aggressive dig and several times now has called me out on spelling mistakes in group messages and a couple of times in the way I have pronounced things when we’re in person - I have seen far far worse mistakes by other people in the group btw, not predictive txt slip ups as mine are. And these are never picked up on. In fact two people responded with a ? To her so they had clearly not noticed. It’s like what, are you marking my messages?!?

She’s done it twice this week and then yesterday corrected my pronunciation of something again in person!! It was so bloody awkward for everyone especially as couple of people got that I was being silly and taking the piss, and she obviously hadn’t. I’m really feeling like I’m being picked on and she’s making me feel like a complete thicko. It’s just awkward.

What do I do say? We’re all mid-late thirties btw.

If it’s in person, say something like “thanks mum” and then carry on your conversation (hopefully the others in the group will laugh) or just carry on your conversation like she hadn’t spoken.

If it’s in text just completely ignore it and carry on with the conversation.

Nothing bugs me more than when people correct other peoples spelling or grammar mistakes (unless genuinely trying to help), if comes across as so petty.

Definitely ignore. Or perhaps give a quizzical look and ask “Do you mean to be rude?”.

@Crunchyqueen laughing emoji every single time she does it. And then ‘ 🚨 Warning: grammar police 🚨’

or ‘oh bless’.

’Thanks Pam, what would we do without you correcting us all (I mean me).’

I agree. She's counting on you maintaining a dignified silence and rising above it and so feels confident in firing off her little barbs uninterrupted or checked. You need to make sure she is both next time, never mind private talks.

She's doing it to undermine you and as long as she gets away with it unchallenged she will keep on doing it and I would call her out on it, calmly and without emotion, right there and then when she does it. "I'm always so surprised when people take it upon themselves to correct people's accents/pronunciation.... it just seems like a strange thing to do." or Even if it its just to say "Rude much?" and laugh merrily.

In What's App. Thanks, Grammer Police, what would I do without you? I'd be dropping my Aitches everywhere or "You got me bang to rights Gov." or whatever you than think of to laugh at her. Even just a row of laughing emojis.

Other than picking her up on it. I'd ignore her as much as possible. Its good that others have noticed her nonsense.

When she does it again, tell her firmly (or directly in a group text) to “stop nitpicking at me.” Nobody else will think you’re being unreasonable or call you out over it bc they see it too. She might get awkward for a sec but it will bring her down a peg or two.

Oh I’ve dealt with a “Pam”. Kept making little digs at me infront of others, I was always nice to her so can only assume it was jealousy over my closeness with others in the group.

I sucked it up for a while until she done it in a setting where I’d had a couple of glasses of Prosecco, and she’d chosen to sit next to me, then preceded to shhhh me whilst I was talking, and I just snapped back at her “you obviously just don’t like me Pam so why don’t you just go and sit somewhere else?”

She apologised later that night and I never had an issue again :-)

I think I’d copy the message (presumably it’s a WhatsApp group?) and put a message underneath saying ‘You’re very rude, aren’t you? There is no need for this.’ Hopefully that’ll stop her on her tracks.

I'd blank her. I had a "Pam" do this to me. Just act like you didn't see her spelling corrections on whatspp and carry on the conversation. Don't take the bait. Make her feel invisible and petty!

Love this!

Put a few spelling mistakes in there on purpose. Make her do it more. She’ll look even more of a bastard then and your work is done.

I like the "oh Pam, you are SO PEDANTIC. it really is tedious"

or

deliberate mistake immediately followed by "keep your hair on Pam" + correction

I would say in group cat, or in person in front of other people..."It's beginning to feel like you're picking on me. Have I done something to upset you?" I'm sure she'll have no response and will hopefully stop. If for some bizarre reason she does have a response, just advise her that you would rather she stopped.