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Original poster

I am knocking 61, DH is 66, we have retired comfortably however I hate waste...... .................

83 replies

STOPDisregardingMe · 12/10/2023 00:36

I came from not a lot, and to be fair neither did he....

Mortgage always paid

Food on the table

Shod and clothed......all four of us. (in my case)

On both sides they made no provision for old age, all sibs had to pitch in to keep them afloat....

I (we) have always made sure that we as a result always had a bloody good back up plan, we have a decent final salary pension between us and another pension pot not to be touched for five years, by some peoples standards we are thriving, and I genuinely feel that we are....

However if we need to get something done for example to the house, I will ask for the best price etc.,

Currently, we need a new alarm system, I knew the initial price was a rip off, I played hard ball, alarm man refused to budge I backed off, he has eventually caved and yesterday offered a reduction of £300. (Only took three months 🙄)

Came off the phone elated and all I got from DH was a grudging urghh......

We are normally a great couple and work really well together.

I asked several times today (nicely) why he was so grudging... he just shrugged.

I am in charge of all finances, so tonight I have moved the savings into my boots and bags account,( this is a tiny account containing money my Godmother left me last year) DH won't even notice the movement of funds.

Not something I would normally do, and in a day or two I will probably move it back to general funds, but tonight it felt like a fuck you buddy.....😡

If you have read this far, thank you.

And that post was easier than falling out with my generally lovely DH. 😂

OP posts:
Millybob · 12/10/2023 00:40

Bloody hell, what did you expect - a medal?
If a man moved the joint savings into his beer and fags fund, he'd be torn to shreds on here.

Autumcolors · 12/10/2023 00:42

You are being childish.

Notquitethere60 · 12/10/2023 00:42

Seems rather petty. And maybe a little smug

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
Pallisers · 12/10/2023 00:43

Maybe he didn't feel it was worth celebrating.

maybe he is sick of hostile tradespeople in your house doing jobs with minimum effort because they have had their estimate cut down to the bone by you.

Maybe he was just in a slightly bad mood.

Don't move money that belongs to both of you into your own account just because you have the hump over something. That really isn't nice at all.

DiaryLouise · 12/10/2023 00:47

You’ve moved your joint savings into your own account because he was insufficiently effusive on the phone? Move them back, pronto. This is a real breach of trust.

Yes he should have been more appreciative. No, that doesn’t justify your actions.

mathanxiety · 12/10/2023 00:51

It's your money so moving it into your boots and bags account is perfectly reasonable.

Your husband needs to massively improve his communication skills. He shouldn't leave you guessing what he means. He's a grown up.

DiaryLouise · 12/10/2023 00:54

mathanxiety · 12/10/2023 00:51

It's your money so moving it into your boots and bags account is perfectly reasonable.

Your husband needs to massively improve his communication skills. He shouldn't leave you guessing what he means. He's a grown up.

What makes you say it’s her money?

Goodornot · 12/10/2023 00:54

Hope that savings account wasn't an ISA and if it was that you can make withdrawals and put them back.

Being a scrooge is really nothing to be proud of

Original poster
STOPDisregardingMe · 12/10/2023 00:59

I moved the savings on the alarm quote to my boots and bag account, I would be all sorts of deranged to move a life time of savings for one aggravation. 😂🙄🙄

I will always hunt down the best price, he leaves it to me, that is fine, but if I care enough to haggle and you like being comfortable, then be a bit bloody gracious when I feel like I have scored a small victory.

All academic now…..😀

I have already moved it back, the post was cathartic……

OP posts:
DiaryLouise · 12/10/2023 01:01

Why not just say to him that you were pleased to have made the saving and that you were a bit disappointed by his reaction? Trying to signal this by means of secret financial transactions seems like a long shot

jenpil · 12/10/2023 01:07

A whole new alarm system?!?

Crikey, where are you living, Fort Knox?

MelanieSal · 12/10/2023 01:09

Well there are 2 sides aren't there. You really value getting the lowest price / best deal and to you it's worth waiting 3 months and investing time and effort to get that. So of course you naturally feel like celebrating when it works out.

He might think it would have been worth paying the extra 300quid to just get the job done immediately 3 months ago without anyone needing to invest time and effort into getting a lower price. So doesn't have the same reaction as you to getting the cheaper price.

There's no 'right' way, really, just different priorities. You might both be a bit frustrated by the other one's approach. It's normal to have different approaches to these things.

Ponderingwindow · 12/10/2023 01:09

What percentage of the total was £300? Are you really taking pride in and bragging about getting a person to devalue his own labor?

Milarky · 12/10/2023 01:16

I assume it's the same feeling as when you stick the Vs behind their back.

Nobody's harmed or hurt and you just feel better getting out!

Glad you feel better OP!

decionsdecisions62 · 12/10/2023 02:37

Eh? Do you need a hobby op? Maybe retirement has made you a bit cray cray!

LaurieStrode · 12/10/2023 02:40

Pallisers · 12/10/2023 00:43

Maybe he didn't feel it was worth celebrating.

maybe he is sick of hostile tradespeople in your house doing jobs with minimum effort because they have had their estimate cut down to the bone by you.

Maybe he was just in a slightly bad mood.

Don't move money that belongs to both of you into your own account just because you have the hump over something. That really isn't nice at all.

This.

I don't consider it admirable to force & extort tradespersons to work for the absolute rock bottom price.

LaurieStrode · 12/10/2023 02:41

Ponderingwindow · 12/10/2023 01:09

What percentage of the total was £300? Are you really taking pride in and bragging about getting a person to devalue his own labor?

Yes, well said!

mathanxiety · 12/10/2023 03:27

DiaryLouise · 12/10/2023 00:54

What makes you say it’s her money?

Show quote history

It's there in the savings account because she has nickeled and dimed tradespeople to death for about forty years, probably spent a lot of time researching best rates for utilities, insurance, holidays, flights, car financing, etc.

It takes a great deal of time and effort to haggle and find the best rates. Her husband has left all of that effort to her.

labamba007 · 12/10/2023 03:49

That's a lot of back story for what's essentially 'DH wasn't enthusiastic enough I got a tradesperson down on price'

crumblycrust · 12/10/2023 04:01

mathanxiety · 12/10/2023 03:27

It's there in the savings account because she has nickeled and dimed tradespeople to death for about forty years, probably spent a lot of time researching best rates for utilities, insurance, holidays, flights, car financing, etc.

It takes a great deal of time and effort to haggle and find the best rates. Her husband has left all of that effort to her.

Show quote history

Yeah, I'm sure DH just sat on his arse like a jobless wanker for 40 years...

I know savings/haggling can add up to a lot but let's be real, the bulk is probably from the multiple pensions pot she talks about. You talk about grown ups, and "it's all OP's money" strikes me as childish, petty reasoning.

Btw, while I appreciate the practical intent of getting us the best deal, and am grateful for how I have benefitted from it, I am uncomfortable that my parents constantly nickle and dime people providing a legitimate service or product.

I have expressed this to them enough times (and been met with drama as they feel slighted) that a grudging non-response is probably the best way forward.

If her husband made his unhappiness clear to her – ie didn't 'leave [OP] guessing what he means' – you would likely be calling him ungrateful and all kinds of names. Can't win with people who make assessments on the basis of gender!

crumblycrust · 12/10/2023 04:05

I do understand your triumphant feeling though OP as we all come from different backgrounds/have different perspectives, and glad your post gave you the catharsis you need!

Topseyt123 · 12/10/2023 04:15

Sounds very childish and silly. Are you 12 years old?

He wasn't effusive enough. It's not crime of the century.

LadybirdLover · 12/10/2023 04:50

He’s probably sick and tired of spending years with someone so tight and quite rightly pissed off at waiting an extra three months just to get a bit off.

Being with a Scrooge is misery, not admirable and I certainly wouldn’t be thanking you.

WallaceinAnderland · 12/10/2023 05:10

I moved the savings on the alarm quote to my boots and bag account,

And you're wondering why he isn't celebrating this?

LadyOfTheCanyon · 12/10/2023 05:28

I regularly have to quote people for work and I automatically include a 10% wiggle room margin for annoying fuckers who want to beat me down on price. And I would say 80% of people ask. So that way I get paid the correct price ( with apologies to the 20% who pay full price) and the customer satisfied that they have 'won' and honour is restored.

Unfortunately the Anglian windows pricing model has made people assume all trades are basically trying to fleece you, even if they aren't.

It's an unhappy dance we have to do to smooth the path of commerce. And I can absolutely assure you that nickel and diming people will often result in shoddy and half hearted work in exchange.