I'm rubbish at driving and don't know what to do

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I have no confidence driving, despite passing my test around 7 years ago. I tend to only drive when I have a passenger next to me who can also drive.

I went out with my relative today and it was a disaster. I was driving fine, but entered a busy dual carriage way with lots of traffic. I needed to get in the right hand lane at the end of the dual carriage way but that was a still a good distance away so I stayed in the left. My relative then started shouting at me to get in the right hand lane, saying 'go. go. go. it's clear'. I had noticed blue sirens further ahead and couldn't work out whether they were on my side of the dual carriageway, and I just wasn't ready to suddenly switch lanes if that makes sense. So I ignored them and they then shouted at me as the road was getting really busy and I no longer had a gap. They then kept shouting at me to indicate and someone would let me across, we were crawling along in traffic at this point but the car on my right didn't let me across, and once I put my indicator on sped up to close the gap so I couldn't get in. I then got bibbed because I had slowed down even though we were in traffic.

I just feel so down about it and have no confidence. I find it so stressful being shouted at when driving as I end up not trusting my judgement or feeling overwhelmed.

That does sound stressful. Would you consider going out on your own? I never used to like the idea of driving alone but circumstances needed me to and in the end I have found that I rather enjoy driving now - especially with some good music to listen to, classic FM is very calming.

I like to imagine my mum in the car with me when I drive sometimes if I feel unsure.

I hope that helps. For what it’s worth I am certainly not a confident driver and have a few routes I am comfortable with but certainly don’t drive on dual carriage ways so you are better than me already!

don’t give up!

You need to maybe go out again with an instructor and gain some confidence. You also need to practice driving alone so you aren’t relying on passengers to direct you, you need to be confident in the manoeuvres you are making so that you aren’t left in the situation you were today.

My driving is fine but someone shouting at me might well impair it.

I agree it'd be an idea for you to go out with an instructor (maybe do the Pass Plus thing?) and also alone starting on routes you know well.

People get lost all the time you put on a right indicator and it might take 10 cars but someone will let you cross although you should have moved over with a gap if you knew your lane.

As long as you flash hazards wave hands say thank you honestly everyone has been in the wrong lane in heavy traffic EVERYONE

I hate driving so I don’t. I passed my test about 25 years ago and the last time I drove was about 3 years ago. I’ve never driven on a motorway and always only felt comfortable driving around local roads.

I’m in my 50’s now and have been able to manage fine all my life without driving much but we do have a car and my husband drives. We also live in an area with good public transport and I have enough disposable income to use an Uber if I need one so I recognise I am fortunate in that respect.

If they can shout at you you can shout back and tell them to shut the fuck up. Last time I’d be giving them a bloody lift!

That sounds like a really stressful experience!

Can you go out and drive early in the morning, by yourself, on the weekend? Early Sunday mornings are very calm where I live, perhaps where you live, too? Just to practise driving where you need to drive normally, but when it's calmer?

Or can you drive with a calm and supportive person in the passenger seat? Someone that will not shout at you.

And drive a lot, practise practise practise! It will get better!

That must have been very stressful and upsetting for you, OP. I'm alsoa nervous driver, too, and making sure I get in the correct lane is one of my biggest worries, even after 35 years.

I think a PP's suggestion of practicing on your own, early on a Sunday morning, is a good idea. And being well prepared and in the correct lane well in advance is a good strategy.

I heard a paramedic say that so long as you indicate to let emergency services drivers know what you're going to do, they will get by you. I always bear that in mind.

I don't think you're the problem I think your horrible relative is.

You’re not alone, I promise. I’ve been driving for twenty years and still get anxious in certain situations. Like busy dual carriage ways or having someone shout at me!

I find driving an automatic much easier, but I’m aware that’s not an option for everyone.

I know it’s difficult, but you’re getting out there and doing it. That’s a brave thing. I agree with others, maybe have some more lessons (I did after I passed) and practice.

good luck.

Someone shouting at me would have been told to fuck off and never welcomed into my car again. However, you only ever drive with another driver in the passenger seat? Timid, dithery, anxious drivers are unsafe so I wonder if you should be driving at all.

I think you’d have done a better job on your own I know I would. The minute I have a passenger I drive terribly. I’m far better on my own!

It sounds very stressful and I think you'd be a lot better on your own than having someone tell you what to do, or shout at you. Go out on your own on small roads you know well, and practise. It's the only way. Gradually build up your confidence. I've been driving for over 30 years and I still avoid dual carriageways where possible. I never drive with DH as a passenger, and I choose which friends to drive with - some people stress me out. But otherwise, it's taken a long time but I'm fine. Keep going. Don't let this awful experience out you off, and don't drive with thar person again!

It sounds like the main problem today was the relative in the car, and that you would actually do much better if you drove on your own.

I think most people would be stressed having someone shouting at them, stick to calm passengers from now on.
Well you have two options take more lessons for confidence or stop driving if you at all can. Do you need to drive?
I'm not a natural driver, I was happy driving around the narrow country lanes, didn't bother me reversing etc but I hated fast roads and I'm in my fifties and have never been on a motorway.
Haven't driven for a few years now because of finances but I realised how much I hated driving.
I rode a motorcycle before I had a car, that felt natural and now I just cycle. I may have to get a car at some point again but I won't be happy about it.

Do not follow this person for driving advice!!

hun, forgive yourself. your not a
bad driver, only an unconfident one and your passenger today was an arse.

i would be taking
some lessons again, perfectly normal thing to do, instructors are
trained to
help with confidence and can't take your license off of you again.
it sounds like you need to go out by yourself more. go out in the dark, go on the roads that u fear the most.
we all have crap days. i have driven for 30
years, had my dad in the back with bad weather the other night and i wanted to just get out, couldn't do right for
doing wrong in his eyes. wanted to actually chuck him out in the rain.

I have driven that route alone before and been fine. There's traffic lights at the end of the dual carriage way so the right hand lane was stationery and the left hand lane was crawling along, should I have just kept my indicator on and waited and ignored the person behind getting impatient? I decided to just carry on in the lane I was in and turned around down a side road.

I read your update, OP.
Your relative shouting at you made things worse! It's good with support from the passenger seat, but your relative was not very supportive in this case.

I sure you will be fine driving that route in the future too.
Good Luck!

Anyone who shouted at me in my car (except to help prevent danger) would never be getting a lift again.

Your relatives shouldn't have shouted at you but if you aren't very confident this guy's videos are very useful and he got me back driving on motorways

You have to drive once a day at least - it’s the only way to learn. And not always the same route though that’s better than nothing.

What you did was fine, and the alternative would have been fine too, it's a commonplace scenario.

Firstly, I would not be having anyone who shouted at me in my car. In your situation, the relative would have been dumped at the roadside as soon as it was safe for me to stop.

Secondly, drive as much as you can, as often as you can, on your own to increase your confidence. Always leave plenty of time for your journey to take the pressure off

Thirdly, try using a sat nav/Google maps etc. I found using one took the pressure off. It didn't matter if I missed a turning, went the wrong way etc as the sat nav would always get me back on track .

stop driving then if you are no good at it