I'm rubbish at driving and don't know what to do

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I have no confidence driving, despite passing my test around 7 years ago. I tend to only drive when I have a passenger next to me who can also drive.

I went out with my relative today and it was a disaster. I was driving fine, but entered a busy dual carriage way with lots of traffic. I needed to get in the right hand lane at the end of the dual carriage way but that was a still a good distance away so I stayed in the left. My relative then started shouting at me to get in the right hand lane, saying 'go. go. go. it's clear'. I had noticed blue sirens further ahead and couldn't work out whether they were on my side of the dual carriageway, and I just wasn't ready to suddenly switch lanes if that makes sense. So I ignored them and they then shouted at me as the road was getting really busy and I no longer had a gap. They then kept shouting at me to indicate and someone would let me across, we were crawling along in traffic at this point but the car on my right didn't let me across, and once I put my indicator on sped up to close the gap so I couldn't get in. I then got bibbed because I had slowed down even though we were in traffic.

I just feel so down about it and have no confidence. I find it so stressful being shouted at when driving as I end up not trusting my judgement or feeling overwhelmed.

Google maps on my phone and driving an automatic have made a big difference to me. I agree about practicing solo and having some lessons with an instructor.

While it was totally unacceptable for your relative to shout at you, it sounds to me like you might be relying on your passengers for guidance (rather than just to be a comforting presence), which to my mind would also be unacceptable. As the driver you’re the only one responsible for your driving - I remember when I first did driving lessons being told I should always rely on my own judgement as to whether I could move lanes etc and that if a passenger told me eg there was enough room to move out and I didn’t feel they were right, I needed to go with my own judgement not theirs.

Being a passenger of someone nervous and unsure is dire- it means your life could be at risk/in the hands of an incompetent . I’m not saying that was the situation but being driven by an anxious driver is not fun.

I was like you then moved rural and have to drive everywhere. To primary school, to the station if I don't want a half hour dirty walk, to work, to the Dr. Even the corner shop unless I want to walk for 15 mins. And now I love driving.

Why not do some advanced driving lessons?

And stop relying on other people to drive for you!

Your relative was the problem here. They were totally out of order and behaving dangerously - shouting commands at the driver. That is a very stressful position for anyone driving to be in and they more likely to have caused an accident than anything else.

Driving schools offer confidence lessons to adults who lack it and I strongly advise you have some, as others have suggested. Take as many as you want to build your confidence at your rate.

This may sound counterintuitive but depending on where you live, this might have an impact.

I drive in central london, so I can really drive anywhere now without much fear (cliff edges aside!) I’m more used to that aggressive driving style which everyone has, built up noise and such. Maybe try and change up where you drive too.

If you have to drive,book the advanced driving course. I got run off the road by a drunk hit and run. For a week, I couldn't even cross the road! I worked in a rural hospital,ex H had lost his job,there was no public transport to work. I HAD to drive! I found a brilliant sympathetic instructor,did the "high performance course" motorway driving and passed the "advanced driving test" with a police examiner.

Same applies being the passenger of someone overconfident. Only they're likely to be going faster so an accident would likely be much more serious.
And the other difference is that the op wants to improve, and can. The cocksure 'I'm a better driver than anyone else' types won't.

My advice would be to go out by yourself in the car, but go and drive where it's not so busy and each time just go a little further out of your comfort zone; it sounds like you are reliant on someone sat at the side of you like your driving instructor was.

I was always told that you don't really learn to drive until you've passed your test and you're by yourself in the car making the decisions yourself and maybe this is what you need to do.... having someone shouting at you from the passenger seat will not build your confidence up.

If you're not willing to do this, then get back in touch with your driving instructor and explain the situation, maybe they can give you some tips or maybe some extra lessons to help you, but you have to go it alone I'm afraid to build up your confidence and experience.

Good luck op

This is so helpful, thank you for sharing.
Especially the defensive driving which wasn't covered in my lessons.