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Original poster

Handhold needed - nightmare with toddler dd

26 replies

bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 20:20

Having such a hard time struggling to cope with my 18 month old at the moment. She used to sleep great but that's recently gone to pot. Now she wakes constantly and I'm exhausted.

Currently typing this out with tears streaming down my face as she sleeps on my shoulder. If I put her down she wakes. I've been here since 7pm trying.

I feel absolutely awful. Please be kind, I had to delete my last thread due to some shitty comments.

OP posts:
FractiousPangolin · 08/10/2023 21:16

How are you getting on, op? It is so miserable, I have been there. I'm sure you've tried snuggling right up beside her in bed (but anyway, why would you want to put yourself to bed at 7pm?). Sending you lots of sympathy.

Original poster
bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 21:32

She went down eventually. About to go for a bath then bed. I just hate it so much. I cried walking her back from her activity the other day, felt so stupid pushing the buggy and trying to hold back the tears. But I was just so tired.

It was hell when she was a young baby so no matter how bad things get now I can at least be thankful things will never be that bad ever again. Thanks for posting x

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 08/10/2023 21:35

It’s so tough, I’m sorry you’re struggling

You need to be consistent. Create a bedtime routine. Get her some special nighttime things - pyjamas, sippy cup, cuddly toy etc.

Bath, story, cuddle, in to bed. Night night and walk out. If she cries, tou go back in to reassure her every few minutes.

Repeat: “ I love you but nighttime is for sleeping”. She’ll learn quickly.

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SkyFullofStars1975 · 08/10/2023 21:37

Sleep training. Was hard but worth it. We had a lovely HV who told us to not expect a free evening for the 1st week, find a method that suited us and stick to it like superglue. We did no screens/tv after tea, a warm bath, story time, warm milk, night light on but no noise/sounds. Gently settle in bed, say night night and leave the room. Go back 2 minutes later, repeat the process... and rinse and repeat. The first few nights are horrific, but it does work. By a week, our horrific sleeper was settling in under 5 minutes without screaming and getting into a state.... and we had our evenings back. And she was a much happier child for getting a decent nights sleep!

We did this from 6 months on with our others and never had bedtime issues.

gemloving · 08/10/2023 21:38

Does she wake in the night or is this only at bedtime? X

Flipflopflopflip · 08/10/2023 21:40

Please know it will just be another phase. I've been where to are, you feel like you can't believe it's all so hard and your snack to sleeping so poorly, and functioning on so little sleep. But it will get better. It helped me to remind myself she wasn't doing it to be naughty or upset me or whatever, she just needed me.
Keep to whatever your normal routine is, as best as possible, and she will learn what bedtime is all about and that you're still there. Also, I found it helpful to wear earplugs through all the screaming, or listen to some music, it just eased the crying and my frustration by having something calming.

Shroedy · 08/10/2023 21:40

What does 24 hours of sleep look like, OP? Morning wake up, naps, bedtime, wakes during the night etc?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/10/2023 21:41

Such a hard phase OP- 18 month olds run you ragged in the day, if they can’t sleep as well it’s utterly draining.
How’s the naps?

TryAgainWithFeeling · 08/10/2023 21:57

This sounds awful OP, I well remember night after night of bedtime taking hours and hours, crying in to his little head because it was just so damn awful.

What eventually worked for us, besides him maturing, was two things. Moving him to a full size bed so we could lay next to him (and then sneak roll away), and dropping the whole calm bath/book/bed routine and instead doing PJs and bath a couple of hours earlier, then having lots of races, roughhousing play, contact and giggles in the hour before bed. Then just whipping him straight upstairs and in to bed. No faffing or extended routine. Works for both of our kids.

Original poster
bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 22:09

@gemloving she wakes loads at night but always instantly falls back to sleep the minute I pick her up so that's something! She used to sleep through so I know / hope she'll be back to doing that again soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 22:10

@Flipflopflopflip thank you for the kind words. She's asleep in my arms right now so will try putting down soon. First wake of the night so something I suppose (she usually wakes at 9ish right when I fancy a cuppa!)

OP posts:
Original poster
bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 22:14

@Shroedy @OnlyFoolsnMothers wakes for the day any time between 6 and 7:30 depending on how the night was. Nap 1-2:30ish. If it gets to 3pm I always wake her as that's when it starts to affect bedtime. Down in cot 7:30 usually but tonight she clearly had other ideas. Used to sleep through but last month or so wakes 2-5 times per night. Probably just a regression or linked to her new teeth so I'm not looking for a 'solution' or abuse, just sympathy! She used to sleep really well.

OP posts:
Original poster
bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 22:14

Advice not abuse, what a typo 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 22:16

@TryAgainWithFeeling thank you. It truly is awful! At least I've got dh and some really good mum friends. Dh taking dd out to the zoo on Thursday morning so I can rest, it can't come soon enough!

OP posts:
TryAgainWithFeeling · 08/10/2023 22:27

Glad to hear you have good support. Hang on in there, it does eventually get better!

Mariposista · 08/10/2023 22:41

Let dad do all bedtimes and nights for a few days. And definitely sleep train.
You need sleep to be able to function at work and just have some sanity.

Baffled1989 · 08/10/2023 22:43

It’s a phase, it’s rough, it’s shit but it’ll pass. That’s what I’m telling myself. Sometimes it’s just comforting to know you aren’t alone.

Shroedy · 08/10/2023 22:47

bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 22:14

@Shroedy @OnlyFoolsnMothers wakes for the day any time between 6 and 7:30 depending on how the night was. Nap 1-2:30ish. If it gets to 3pm I always wake her as that's when it starts to affect bedtime. Down in cot 7:30 usually but tonight she clearly had other ideas. Used to sleep through but last month or so wakes 2-5 times per night. Probably just a regression or linked to her new teeth so I'm not looking for a 'solution' or abuse, just sympathy! She used to sleep really well.

Absolutely understand. Remember that sleep isn't linear and so if she was sleeping well and isn't now then something may have changed - sometimes that just passes (teething, developmental leap etc) sometimes it's a more permanent change eg. drop in sleep needs. Trying to shorten the nap or push bed later may solve your problem but take or don't take the suggestion of course!

Julesrosti · 08/10/2023 23:22

If it makes you feel better OP, we have a 15 month old and bedtime takes 2.5 hours every single night and this is significantly better than anything we've had so far. The first 7 months were actual torture. I guess what I'm saying is it could be worse and it will get better!

Mysleepisbroken · 08/10/2023 23:37

Saying hi in solidarity.

I'm in wake up 2 of the night with my 4yo. She's done phases of sleeping through, she's done phases of waking 10 times a night, she's done phases of waking 3 times a night but one of those is for 3 hours.

Do you have a comfy chair etc at least?

FFSWhatToDoNow · 08/10/2023 23:39

18 months is a separation anxiety peak. It will pass.

JockTamsonsBairns · 09/10/2023 01:02

Sleep train all the way.
I remember this stage, and it can be hellish. One week of further hell isn't going to make a difference, so just bite the bullet.

Baffled1989 · 09/10/2023 06:51

@JockTamsonsBairns why would sleep training be hell?

gemloving · 09/10/2023 09:55

bakewellbride · 08/10/2023 22:09

@gemloving she wakes loads at night but always instantly falls back to sleep the minute I pick her up so that's something! She used to sleep through so I know / hope she'll be back to doing that again soon.

I never sleep trained my 4 year old but had to with my 2 year old as I couldn't manage helping two kids to sleep. Anyway, 2 year old sleeps like a dream, 4 year old sleeps well once asleep but needs support /us in the room to go to sleep.

We did the "gentle" retreat method - it's not gentle. They scream and scream and scream but we only ever did 2 minutes as I couldn't make it to 5. Took a week and he slept like a dream xx

Pukey1 · 09/10/2023 10:07

our daughter did this around the same age. Until about 12 months she slept great, just went down for naps on her own. Then one night (think it was after fireworks night) she refused to sleep unless we held her. I remember sitting with her for hours and every time we tried to put her down once asleep she would wake up.

we didn’t do sleep training (no problem with anyone that does, it just wasn’t for us). The only way we got through it was by co sleeping in the end (I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea). It did pass though OP, I can’t remember when but it didn’t last for ages. she’s 7 now and goes to sleep fine, but I know exactly how you feel. 💐

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