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Original poster

Relocation dilemma - Anyone had a similar situation?

52 replies

3woods · 06/10/2023 20:19

Hi all!

We are currently in Southampton but not originally from around here. We know we want to relocate to either Wales or Kent to be close to family. We have parents on either side of the country because we met at university.

Well my wife and I are about 2 weeks away from completing on the sale of our house here. We aren't totally sure where we want to settle but know we would like to be closer to at least one set of family. We are currently planning to sell and move to Kent to live with my parents whilst we figure it out. We have a 2 year old daughter so childcare is our main driver. Our jobs are being really flexible whilst we take this time so we are covered there too.

Any one been in a similar situation and want to reassure me we aren't crazy from taking sometime out of our search to be sure about where we want to be?

Also any advise about settling either in Kent or South Wales / Bristol area?

Many thanks!

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 06/10/2023 20:22

If location isn't dictated by your jobs, Wales makes a lot more sense than Kent as property will be significantly cheaper in Wales.

Sundaefraise · 06/10/2023 20:23

Wales just makes way more sense than Kent in terms of what property you could buy for your money.

anicecuppateaa · 06/10/2023 20:24

Kent in huge, where in Kent are you looking? As pp said, property is much cheaper in Wales…

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Property
martinisforeveryone · 06/10/2023 20:27

Yes Kent is huge and very diverse as to cities, towns, villages, rural, coastal and access to arterial travel, so it very much depends on your budget and whereabouts in Kent you have family connections.

RidingMyBike · 06/10/2023 20:34

As someone who relocated 200 miles but not specifically to be closer to family...

Why do you want to be closer to them? And whose family? Do they need care and are getting frail? What happens if you move close to one and it's the other set who end up needing the care? How easy is it going to be to do a middle of the night run to the hospital or to pick them up off the floor?

If you're looking for childcare are either set guaranteed to do this? Do they want to be hands on grandparents? I know several people who moved for this purpose and then the grandparents weren't very interested after all.

What does your immediate family need for good quality of life? Access to good schools? Leisure facilities? How close do you need to be to work? What opportunities are available to you - work and leisure - in either area you're thinking of?

Thelondonone · 06/10/2023 20:41

I’d move to whitstable but is that where your family live and can you afford it?

YouMeThem · 06/10/2023 21:24

Cardiff is amazing.

I think it's hard to give advice without more details.

Original poster
3woods · 06/10/2023 21:32

Thanks for all the responses.

My family are from near Maidstone in Kent, we would probably be looking more in the Weald down towards Tenterden or in between Ashford/Maidstone

My wife’s family are from the Rhonda so deep in the valleys. We would probably be looking closer to Cardiff though for more job opportunities.

Hope the detail helps?

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 06/10/2023 21:42

DH is from Tenterden, and MiL still lives there. It's quite a pricey part of Kent I think, but I'm not familiar with the rest of the county.

I love Wales, so I accept I'm biased, but I'd be going towards Cardiff in a heartbeat.

cardibach · 06/10/2023 21:43

I live near Cardiff having done lots of long distance relocations in my time. I love it.

sillyuniforms · 06/10/2023 23:32

I'd say Bristol. Loads jobs. Great city. Good transport links to both families

sillyuniforms · 06/10/2023 23:33

Are you expecting family to cover childcare tho??

BBQchickensalad · 06/10/2023 23:36

If childcare is your main driver, are you assuming your family will step in here? What if they don't want to or have other plans for their life? Have you discussed this with them, in case you're thinking of moving for childcare only to find out it's a no?

Original poster
3woods · 06/10/2023 23:43

So we’ve discussed the idea of childcare with both sets of grandparents and they are both on board. It’s more just the emergency childcare too, like sick days etc we can’t plan for. I am sure you all know what that’s like when working full time! It’s also for better schooling too, we just aren’t convinced of the schools in Southampton but we know there are better ones more locally but are keen to try a big move now before DD goes to school and we feel like we can’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
3woods · 06/10/2023 23:45

A lot of responses about Cardiff. What is it about the city you all like so much? I can see the positives for sure as we have been there a lot but just interested in your opinions.

OP posts:
BBQchickensalad · 06/10/2023 23:48

Good that you've talked to them. I'd be careful of making such decisions based on those promises though. Childcare is completely your responsibility and you wouldn't be the first to find that expectations didn't meet, if that happened. You also can't count on grandparents health keeping up so they can help with childcare, even if they are relatively young. Changes in circumstances can happen to anyone. Here's one real example:

I told a family member I would help with emergency childcare for a sick child, when we discussed it. The health of someone else in my household changed and it would no longer be possible for me to take in anyone I know is sick. So they are on their own to sort alternative emergency childcare.

I'd consider only moving if you can manage on your own as a family unit there, with help received as a bonus.

Glorifried · 06/10/2023 23:51

My friend moved to Wales from SE England a few months ago and says it is so much wetter there...stick with Kent.

ThreeLeggedPug · 06/10/2023 23:53

Wales/Bristol area. Great countryside, alternative in parts, not too far from beautiful coastline.

sillyuniforms · 07/10/2023 00:00

Look at house prices etc
Most parents just have to work at home kids sick etc or have a day off..think about your kids as teens. Where do you want them to grow up?

MrsMoastyToasty · 07/10/2023 00:16

What's your budget? House prices in Bristol (and Bath) are expensive, as are rental costs.
I'm between Bristol and Bath , about 20 minutes from the nearest junction of the M4 and we can get to family in Rainham, Kent in about 3 hours with my foot on the gas.
Have you considered somewhere like Chepstow? I know lots of people commute into Bristol now that there's no bridge tolls on the Severn bridges.

mjf981 · 07/10/2023 06:44

Good point about the rainfall. Cardiff gets twice as much rain as anywhere in Kent, and will be slightly cooler and cloudier. May be a consideration for you?

mjf981 · 07/10/2023 06:44

Cardiff is actually one of the wettest cities in the UK.

Original poster
3woods · 07/10/2023 07:20

my wife did say the thing putting her off about Wales is the rain. We don’t get quite as much in the South.

The feedback about childcare is interesting. I obviously know DD is solely my responsibility but I assumed it may take a bit of pressure off if there was a willing and able support network nearby to help out on occasions?

I said it’s the main driver and it is one of the key drivers but we are also considering other things like where we want to bring them up, jobs, quality of life, cost of living etc. it’s just unnerved me recently we are making this big change of selling the house without a real direction of where we want to be, has anyone had experience in something similar in regard to that point of my post?

OP posts:
Original poster
3woods · 07/10/2023 07:21

Interesting you ended up West from Rainham. What brought you to the area? And have you ever considered moving back?

OP posts:
Justfotoday · 07/10/2023 07:46

I’m from London.
I have a close relative that moved to Kent (coast, full of DFLs!) and I am in Swansea. So we both know each others locations. She often says she wishes she could live here, but needs the proximity to London. Pros and cons to both!
Kent - pricier housing, better quality playground weirdly, London vibe if that’s your thing, some nice eateries and trendy coffee shops /bars. Lots of rougher areas and rubbish shopping centre, Expensive and busy train to London but fast, weather definitely better, proximity to France. Schools are decent for those who are coached through the 11 plus and then they have to travel to school and it’s single sex. Pretty and nice beaches but pebbly and crowded

Swansea. Cheaper housing. Rubbish playgrounds! Some good places to eat but not as varied as Kent although growing. Same with bars etc. Good local produce markets etc but shopping generally poor. Some rough areas. Great indoor kids things like trampolining, ninja warrior etc, much more than Kent coast, gorgeous and numerous beaches of every kind. Surfy vibe not London vibe. People lovely and welcoming .3 hours to London but you will get seat! Rain! Schools comprehensive system but great schools, local and mixed sex. They will have to take Welsh to GCSE.

I wouldn’t want to live in Kent but there are definitely some benefits - for me the best ones are proximity to London and France, and the weather.