Relocation dilemma - Anyone had a similar situation?

[3woods]

Hi all!

We are currently in Southampton but not originally from around here. We know we want to relocate to either Wales or Kent to be close to family. We have parents on either side of the country because we met at university.

Well my wife and I are about 2 weeks away from completing on the sale of our house here. We aren't totally sure where we want to settle but know we would like to be closer to at least one set of family. We are currently planning to sell and move to Kent to live with my parents whilst we figure it out. We have a 2 year old daughter so childcare is our main driver. Our jobs are being really flexible whilst we take this time so we are covered there too.

Any one been in a similar situation and want to reassure me we aren't crazy from taking sometime out of our search to be sure about where we want to be?

Also any advise about settling either in Kent or South Wales / Bristol area?

Many thanks!

Oh and in Wales the views. You can’t beat them. Having a sea view here is 10 a penny, I never tire of it.
Cardiff is great for shopping, threatre etc.

You say work are being ‘flexible’, do you mean that your jobs can both transfer to either kent or wales, or just that you can wfh while you visit locations?

I would base the decision primarily on jobs: for most fields kent (areas within commute of london) is likely to have far more options.

Bear in mind childcare is never guaranteed and once you are more than, say, thirty minutes drive, less likely once grandparents are older. Older people seem fine with kids able to pop by after school; less so driving each way in winter for pick up

so if you are moving for this reason, move super close

I think I would then place employment and then schools in terms of priority

we moved a decade ago and lots of factors are great but the local state secondary is a bit crap post Covid (Scotland) and with no resources. I wish I had placed higher priority on schooling

Kent has the 11+ system, so if you’re thinking about schools, that needs to be considered - is it something that you’d be happy with?

Regarding your flexible jobs, do you mean you can both wfh all the time? If so, is there any chance either of you might need to go back into the office? There’s been a few posts recently on MN where people are being told they need to be back in the office so many days per week, which has caused problems with childcare/ commute.

If you're thinking about Wales, check out Welsh education and NHS.

Are you Gavin & Stacey?!

(I know, I know, Gavin was from Essex and not Kent, just kidding 😉)

To answer your question - you definitely are not crazy to take time out to do your research whilst you are staying with your parents.
It is actually ideal as hopefully that little stint living in one of your preferred locations will give you all the answers you need either way.

I’ve just gone through a similar-ish move. I’m British, lived 10 years in an EU country and there met my DH (also ex-Pat but from another EU country) and had 3 kids with him. We knew we wouldn’t stay where we were forever - it just didn’t feel like home. We decided to move closer to DH’s family as they are a close and pleasant family, larger than mine with cousins the same age as our DCs. We moved not too close as to be “drop-in-able”, if that makes sense, but close enough that we can do the back and forth in a day. We chose the location based on the ability for us to live the way we want in terms of what activities and environment there is here, and based on the low cost of housing which will make our work lives less stressful as we won’t need to earn as much money. So far it’s working out well, we get to see much more of DH’s family which we all enjoy, and we’re settling in the community thanks to us having joined some local groups and clubs.

It’s really wise to put a lot of thought into where you end up to avoid future moves - consider what’s important for all members of your family now, and your future needs. As a family, put thought into what your lives would ideally look like, and go from there. I personally wouldn’t live with any parents in the meantime but that’s just because my DH and I need space. Well done on taking the leap and good luck with it!

Kent is such a varied county - coasts, towns, villages etc.

Lots of lovely places between Ashford and Maidstone.

What are your requirements regarding work? Do you need to be near a station?

Also, Kent is a grammar school county. Consider areas with good non-grammars as well as grammar schools.

Kent has lots of lovely beaches, coastal towns, but also towns such as Canterbury, Tunbridge wells, Leeds castle, Hever castle etc. Good for London (theatres, shopping, etc)and also for trips to mainland Europe.

I'd move (and have done!) for the right job, living in a better location for good quality of life and for good school access. I wouldn't assume grandparents would be involved (hopefully you then get a nice surprise and they want to be!) so any childcare still totally your responsibility. When we relocated, job came first as that gave us the location, then school place.

You may also find if you're the closest child living near your parents (where do any siblings live?) that the eventual care responsibilities end up falling on you. How old are both sets of parents and what is their health like?

Another thing against Wales - 20mph!

I wondered if this would come up. It’s my FiL big bare at the moment. We live in Southampton now and all residential roads (school or no school) have gone to 20mph too. Won’t be long until more of the country is the same I think.

Please don't give the 20mph another thought. It's had a minimal effect on our lives here in Wales.

The Kent Grammar school system would put me off. I have one child who would definitely get in and one who wouldn't.

Emergency childcare isn't a compelling reason to relocate in my view. But it would be nice living near grandparents for other reasons too of course.

Cardiff is probably your best bet, Bristol is lovely but very expensive and you would get a lot more for your money near Cardiff.

Cardiff is a great city to live in, loads going on, good schools and really friendly. If you look at north or east Cardiff or places like taffs well just up the A470 you can be right near the m4 which can make it easier to get on the road back to Kent (though brynglas on a Friday afternoon can be a bit of a no-no which I expect you’re aware of already!) The 20mph has been in place here for ages (pilot area) and it’s absolutely fine, no bother at all. Childcare likely to be much cheaper here than Kent i would think, though it is definitely not cheap. Other benefits, kids get to learn another language 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 and you’re only ever a few miles from stunning countryside and walks.

edited as obvs meant east Cardiff not west 🙈

Cardiff is a brilliant city, would love to live there, but the rain is a downside. Does your wife speak Welsh? Your DC would be learning it in school so you'd at least want to take an interest in speaking it if you were settling there. Obviously different if you end up in Bristol, but then you're getting further away from family, if that was the reason motivating the move. Kent has some great options too, and some less great ones. More expensive but easier access to London. They're very different lives you're looking at and that, along with your pull towards one side of the family or the other, should be quite clear as to which suits you better.

I have to say I don’t notice that Cardiff is wetter than other places? I don’t really think it affects me at all other than the garden stays a bit greener in droughts in the summer than the south east! So not something I would worry about particularly, just maybe get a good coat 😂

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-2800288/Cardiff-named-Britain-s-wettest-city-115cms-rainfall-year-Glasgow-isn-t-better.html

Apols for DM link - other news sources are available :)

Ha yeh, can totally believe it - I just don’t notice it! 😂

Meh. You get used to the rain (I’m Welsh). Give me that over the days of blanket cloud we get in Cambridgeshire.

Most ppl who move for support with childcare end up disappointed with the amount they get. I'd focus on living wherever gives you the best quality of life

Cardiff is wetter than Glasgow?!

@3woods
has anyone had experience in something similar in regard to that point of my post?

We relocated for work, selling our house in south Wales area and moving to the south east of England into rented. I know both areas you're talking about. Unlike you we had no family or contacts in the area and work weren't any help so we had to scout around and work out where we liked and what was feasible for us.

The massive downside was the difference in the cost of property. For us, everything else has been an absolute bonus. Personal preference the landscape appeals to us much more in the south east. We are in an area of outstanding natural beauty and equidistant between London and the coast. This is not to say that Wales isn't beautiful, not at all and if anything, perhaps the beaches win on points as in our area they're pebble rather than lots of sand. Here we're close to a vast amount of National Trust properties for the history and the grounds and that appeals to us more than beach days.

We've never regretted our move and would never move back. The weather is a huge bonus here. Both of us found the winters and all the rain very depressing where we were before. However, all this comes with the massive caveat that we could afford the type of home we wanted without compromising.

I would ask what kind of housing budget you have and what would you like to achieve for it?

Its interesting to hear you made the leap to move from Wales to the SE. Can I ask where about's you settled?

Buying all depends what jobs we can land as I say work are being flexible it would mean coming into the office 2 days a week so a heavy reliance on one of us finding a new local role at least. Its not an ideal long term solution by any means but allows us to test the waters before we commit to buying. We would probably be looking in the region of £400k - £550k for a detached or semi min 3 bed.

All good feedback from everyone and I am very grateful for all the responses!

We don't really want to have to commute to London for work as its just quite a long day. Most of the opportunities in Kent seem to require this for my wife (project manager) I am an engineer so seems like the sites are more out of the city.

We are currently swaying more towards Cardiff as my wife is an only child and we know her parents will 1 help with childcare, but 2 need our support as they age. We want to be there for our parents just like they have been for us.

Saying that both areas seem like great places to bring up children so I am sure life will work out for us whatever we decide to do.