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Original poster

I lost weight & no-one noticed!

95 replies

boxedandribboned · 04/10/2023 14:02

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm finding it odd!

I've lost weight at various times in the past (usually post pregnancy) & usually people have noticed/commented on it.

This time, I've lost almost a stone (down from 9 st 12 at the beginning of August to about 9 stone). No-one has said anything! I've been able to fit back into the clothes I wore before covid, which has been huge for me.

I'm not upset about the fact that no-one's noticed, I'm just finding it a bit odd. It struck particularly on the weekend when we went to visit a friend, and she told us she'd lost a stone. When we were driving home, DH said 'It's interesting she's lost weight, I was thinking how much smaller she was than last time we saw her!"

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 04/10/2023 15:37

My fil is lovely but not the most tactful at times and he met a colleague recently he hadn't seen for a while, said to the colleague wow you're looking amazing you've lost loads of weight, how'd you do it. Turns out it was cancer related and that turned into an awkward conversation. It's rude to comment on people's body shape because you've no idea of the context for their weight change. The only time I would ever do it is if the person has expressly told me they are actively working on trying to lose weight. I wouldn't say under a stone (while a huge personal achievement) is overly noticeable to others. So might not elicit that response.

Bagpuss2022 · 04/10/2023 15:40

I do think it’s now socially unacceptable to mention weight in theory it’s a good thing. I lost a lot of weight after I lost our daughter years ago and people were commenting a LOT about how well I looked . I have put a lot of weight on recently and no one has mentioned it apart from DH grandma she’s got dementia and she told me I look fat.
it’s a catch 22 isn’t it but we’ll done and keep going as long as you feel good

NumberFortyNorhamGardens · 04/10/2023 15:41

It’s not a new thing for it to be rude to make unsolicited comments on people’s weight or appearance. Our parents and grandparents were largely brought up with the rule that ‘personal remarks’ were rude and I think we are rediscovering the ‘why’ of that rule.

Well done on your weight loss, OP. As you mentioned it. 😄

OrangesLemonsLimes · 04/10/2023 15:46

Yes I agree with everyone else. Comments on weight are seen as discourteous unless you know for sure that the person has been on a health kick because they told you they were going to be. People don’t know that you haven’t lost weight due to illness or bad news OP.

Thatladdo · 04/10/2023 16:00

Loose weight for yourself and the health benifits it brings, not to change other peoples perceptions of you.

honeylulu · 04/10/2023 16:02

It's not always as obvious on someone else as it is to you. When I put on weight now it goes on my waist/ middle and I wear clothes that are looser and stretchier in that area but I don't really look bigger overall. When I lose it again I go back to wearing more fitted clothes. No one really notices and I'm quite glad because although I'm happier my clothes fit better I'm also relieved I can't have looked that bad before.

So it depends partly on where you carry it and how obvious it is. I'm most likely to notice someone who gains and loses weight from their face/neck as that's the part of them I will look at when talking to them. Other than that it would probably need to be quite a lot of weight before I'd notice, more than a stone.

My. Mum was a serial dieter whose weight fluctuated massively between size 12 and size 20. She'd get really upset if she lost a stone and no one noticed but to be blunt no one really notices the difference between size 20 and size 18 because both are quite overweight.

PerspiringElizabeth · 04/10/2023 16:05

Hygeelady · 04/10/2023 14:04

I've lost 2 stone and no one has noticed! Down from a size 16 to a 12!

Not sure why, it must be obvious...

Jesus it would take me about 4-5 stone to get from a size 16- size 12! Lucky you! And well done.

panelbottle · 04/10/2023 16:06

I'd say a stone isn't that obvious unless you are very light to start with.

saffronsoup · 04/10/2023 16:06

I never comment on people’s bodies when I see them getting bigger or smaller. Not my business and not my body.

it someone has told me they are working to lose weight (and in a healthy way) I will ask about their efforts and progress and validate their work and commitment but still not make comments about their weight or size.

your spouse and kids are a different story. But past comments or efforts or unhealthy habits or unhealthy goals and I would t say anything either.

panelbottle · 04/10/2023 16:07

I mentioned to a colleague the other week she looked different, see her a lot obviously. She said she'd lost 3 stone, I would have guessed 1 stone.

isthesolution · 04/10/2023 16:28

How do you know no one has noticed?

Do you mean no one has commented?

I think we all just have a better understanding that it isn't appropriate to comment on someone's weight.

My father and grandfather often comment on weight and it's so hard for my sister and I. She goes up and down but would like to be slimmer. I'm underweight and their 'god you are skinny' comments really aren't any better for me than the 'god you've put weight on' ones my sister gets.

Spacecowboys · 04/10/2023 16:29

I don’t notice weight loss on people until it’s at least a stone and a half.

vapesareforsnakes · 04/10/2023 17:15

I am a similar size to you OP, before and after. Nobody noticed but then again I don't think people noticed I put it on in the first place as I have always been slim. I bloody noticed though :)

MoisturiseYourMoose · 04/10/2023 17:39

AThickLayerOfLard · 04/10/2023 14:06

It’s not that people haven’t noticed, there are just more and more sm posts about how you should never be commenting on peoples weight.
Some people are seemingly touchy if you mention weight loss and take it as an insult that you are saying they were fat before-not me, tell me I look like I’ve lost weight and I’m thrilled!

This was my first thought too.

Gnomegnomegnome · 04/10/2023 17:57

we went to visit a friend, and she told us she'd lost a stone.

She brought it up though.

Why aren’t you saying to your Dh, ‘I’m really proud of myself because I have lost 12 pounds’. Why wait for him to comment?

mynameiscalypso · 04/10/2023 18:01

I've lost 4 stone, going from a 12/14 to an 8 and nobody has said anything. I think most people nowadays think it's not polite to comment on weight.

theculture · 04/10/2023 18:05

Also if you don't see people that often they may have a mental picture of you that is a bit out of date, so if you put the weight on gradually you are now just returning to what they think you are??

bluebeardswife7 · 04/10/2023 18:08

There was a thread once about how your small child has hurt you. A mum of twins posted to say one twin had hit her with an iron bar, but she didn't know which one, because concussion. Or did I just dream this??

hedgehogsunflower · 04/10/2023 18:14

I don’t think it’s unusual for others not to notice/comment, but how has your DH not noticed??

I’m quite pleased with all the comments about weight gain/loss not being that noticeable to others though. I recently gained ten pounds and have been feeling very self conscious about it!

SprinkleOfSunak · 04/10/2023 18:14

I have noticed this so much in recent years. I lost nearly 2 stone last year, and only 1 person I worked with commented, and was really complimentary. Aside from this, my Husband and parents were lovely to me, but that was it. Absolutely no one else.

What else I really hate, and again it’s something I’ve noticed in about the last 10 years, is the lack of compliments that people pay one another. My friends and I used to go out and compliments each other’s clothes/hair/make up straightaway. I can’t remember the last time anyone complimented me on my appearance, and I don’t hear my friends doing it to each other either.

I imagine this has all arisen out of fear for offending anyone. Trust me, I would be totally delighted to receive a compliment! I give them out to others as much as possible, then don’t receive them. It does make me feel good to compliment others though.

coxesorangepippin · 04/10/2023 18:34

I'm the same as you, if I lose a stone I can really tell, but other people rarely mention it

I think it's probably because you're not that big to start off with

coxesorangepippin · 04/10/2023 18:35

I imagine this has all arisen out of fear for offending anyone

^

I agree with this. You can't say anything nowadays!

SM4713 · 04/10/2023 19:00

Well done OP. If you put weight on, would you expect someone to say 'Whow, Boxed, you've really stacked the weight on haven't you!!!'

I had this myself! I'd been through rounds of IVF, lost my 3rd pregnancy in a row and was still very bloated from meds. I did a shift at a new place and recognised someone I'd worked with MANY yearshand before. Her comment was 'Hi SM, whow, you've really put the weight on haven't you!' She was from a different culture, and someone I'd only worked with a handful of times, but this was in the staff room, in front of 20 other people I'd never met. 😧

I agree, that if someone brings it up, you can comment, if not, don't mention it. TBH- I agree that some people just don't notice unless its a massive weight loss- even when its really obvious to you and close family.

Original poster
boxedandribboned · 04/10/2023 20:38

Thanks all! It does seem to be a shift in terms of what's acceptable to say and I definitely think that's a good thing. I wouldn't personally comment on someone's weight loss unless it was a friend who specifically discussed her diet/ weight loss aims with me.

However, the fact that dh and dc haven't said anything does suggest that the weight loss really isn't that obvious to other people anyway!

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/10/2023 22:47

They see you every day OP so its not a dramatic change to them. In my experience family don't notice. Its more likely to be someone you haven't seen for a while who would pick up on it.